changes.
Do you ever stop to think about how many of your sentences begin with "I"?
Well, for the first time, I did. I'm not a mean person, nor do I act with malice ever, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt others or act selfishly, and that's what I've pretty much realized now.
Reality has hit me pretty hard, and my selfishness (and just all around obliviousness) has taken its toll on my life. It ended the most beautiful and real relationship I've ever had. I know not forever (or, at least, I reall, really, really, really hope.), but for now I've been left with only myself, and time to think about it.
It's so easy to put blame on others, but oh so difficult to look at yourslef without bias, and really think about what you are doing right and wrong. I do have an ego, I do act selfishly sometimes, and I am unappreciative at moments, tho of course I hate to think so.
I am flawed. I am a 20 year old BOY; as much shit that I've been thru, I am not a man yet. A man does not act like he knows everything, nor does he put blame on others, when it only rests upon his shoulders. I need to not give up and actively take charge of my life if I ever want anything to change. Yeah, life hands me lemons on quite a regular basis, but I'm not going to have another life to live. I'm not going to be 20 ever again, so as the old cliche goes, I better get on my ass and make some fucking lemonade.
Probably the biggest thing that I've actually realized and now understand, is how I need to be accepting of people and how they do things, even if its the exact opposite of my own ways. Just b/c i thinkit's weird, silly, backwards, or even wrong, doesn't make it so. It may not be the bast for me, but my best isn't for everyone. In fact, it's only for me. I need to start opening up and learning from peoples different approaches. Only good can come from that. New doors opened in every sense.
I'm really happy with myself right now, but also sad. I've learned probably the most important lesson of my life to date, and are a much better person b/c of that, but I learned that at a very costly price.
I'm sorry for never taking you out. I'm sorry for being on the phone (I get it now). I'm sorry for not making you feel as incredibly amazing and special you are. I'm really happy that you are living and loving life right now, but I wish I was part of it. You have made me a better person, really and truly. It took a while to get it thru my thick skull, but it got there. I know now. You deserve only the best of the best. I'm learning how to love myself, and how to understand others, and that's all from you.
I miss you so much. Each day that goes by gets harder, but nothing that is worthwhile is easy. Relationships aren't easy, but you're more than worth it, and I hope a dweeb like me is still worth it. I love you.
"I guess this is growing up"
Well, for the first time, I did. I'm not a mean person, nor do I act with malice ever, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt others or act selfishly, and that's what I've pretty much realized now.
Reality has hit me pretty hard, and my selfishness (and just all around obliviousness) has taken its toll on my life. It ended the most beautiful and real relationship I've ever had. I know not forever (or, at least, I reall, really, really, really hope.), but for now I've been left with only myself, and time to think about it.
It's so easy to put blame on others, but oh so difficult to look at yourslef without bias, and really think about what you are doing right and wrong. I do have an ego, I do act selfishly sometimes, and I am unappreciative at moments, tho of course I hate to think so.
I am flawed. I am a 20 year old BOY; as much shit that I've been thru, I am not a man yet. A man does not act like he knows everything, nor does he put blame on others, when it only rests upon his shoulders. I need to not give up and actively take charge of my life if I ever want anything to change. Yeah, life hands me lemons on quite a regular basis, but I'm not going to have another life to live. I'm not going to be 20 ever again, so as the old cliche goes, I better get on my ass and make some fucking lemonade.
Probably the biggest thing that I've actually realized and now understand, is how I need to be accepting of people and how they do things, even if its the exact opposite of my own ways. Just b/c i thinkit's weird, silly, backwards, or even wrong, doesn't make it so. It may not be the bast for me, but my best isn't for everyone. In fact, it's only for me. I need to start opening up and learning from peoples different approaches. Only good can come from that. New doors opened in every sense.
I'm really happy with myself right now, but also sad. I've learned probably the most important lesson of my life to date, and are a much better person b/c of that, but I learned that at a very costly price.
I'm sorry for never taking you out. I'm sorry for being on the phone (I get it now). I'm sorry for not making you feel as incredibly amazing and special you are. I'm really happy that you are living and loving life right now, but I wish I was part of it. You have made me a better person, really and truly. It took a while to get it thru my thick skull, but it got there. I know now. You deserve only the best of the best. I'm learning how to love myself, and how to understand others, and that's all from you.
I miss you so much. Each day that goes by gets harder, but nothing that is worthwhile is easy. Relationships aren't easy, but you're more than worth it, and I hope a dweeb like me is still worth it. I love you.
"I guess this is growing up"