191
Where do you see yourself in twenty years?
I... I don't think that far ahead anymore. I can't plan. It's not like I couldn't try to plan things out, it's just that the next twenty years seems like such a huge piece of time... it's daunting. Hard to try and think of two years advance, much less twenty.
Suppose it wasn't always like that. I used to have plans that seemed like they could last my whole lifetime. All I wanted for myself was to be Regional Manager of Dairy Crest. Could've been perfectly happy doing just that, to be honest. I dreamed about it. Sounds silly now. My life's changed. I work differently with Caleb. I dunno if it's -- if it's better or worse, it's just... different. I'm different.
Mean, course, yeah, I miss Stan. We grew up together. See, though, Stan's off recording albums and collaborating with Mike Skinner on The Streets' next record -- 2008's the official release, but I've been told I'll get it earlier; helps to have mates in high places, yeah? -- mixing things for Lily Allen, things like that. Doing fine for himself. But he wasn't always the finest example of a good person. Caleb really isn't either. Fact, Stan's probably the reason I hopped about with Caleb for as long as I did in the beginning. (Caleb's the reason I continue to stay.)
And I miss my family. There are even days when I miss Paddy and the gym; Mr Bennet of all people. Not about to pretend I don't. It's just that I don't miss it all that much anymore. And, well, that's why phones were invented, right?
Life with Caleb's about being in the moment. It used to be a lot more about the chaos of that, won't deny it. Bit draining at first, it was, but the pace's easy to pick up. I've kept it up. It hasn't been easy; we tend not to fight all that often, but we bicker enough to drive a person mad. And we do fight, and it never gets any easier -- though I think it's because this is important enough to fight over. To fight for. You find something -- someone like that and they're bound to be difficult to keep, but that doesn't stop you from holding fast to them . Even when they're being an arse. You know it's a good thing in return when they fight back to keep you.
I don't know if we'll be together for the next twenty years or however long I'm supposed to pretend. I don't even know about two years into the future, remember? My view of life has blinders on all sides. Mostly, I'm focused on the here and now. Maybe a month in advance, when we're planning to head back to Boston for a baseball game and to see an old friend. Maybe some point in the next year when we're supposed to finally get to Greece, which was where we were headed even before we were together (although, really, we've always been together, just in different ways).
What I see though, in the here and now, is that I'm going to be with Caleb. I don't know where we'll be, I don't know how we'll be living, I don't even know if we'll be the same people we were five minutes ago. But I see myself travelling with him still. It'd be nice to stop someday and sort of settle in one place, and maybe we'll get there together and maybe we won't. Right now, I'm still travelling because he's still travelling. He makes me laugh. He's sometimes wonderful and sometimes oblivious and very frustrating, and I still don't understand him even after all this time, but I don't see a more attractive future than the one I have. I'm happy to be frustrated and cared for and surrounded by library books (and wet towels and dirty clothes and the occasional stray tortoise or ant farm -- that last one was a nightmare, believe it). This may've not been the life I always imagined for myself, but I'm happy. Would've never thought to live like this, and I couldn't be more pleased. So I'm sticking with this course, thank you.
Who said you can't go around life just messing about with your best friend?
I... I don't think that far ahead anymore. I can't plan. It's not like I couldn't try to plan things out, it's just that the next twenty years seems like such a huge piece of time... it's daunting. Hard to try and think of two years advance, much less twenty.
Suppose it wasn't always like that. I used to have plans that seemed like they could last my whole lifetime. All I wanted for myself was to be Regional Manager of Dairy Crest. Could've been perfectly happy doing just that, to be honest. I dreamed about it. Sounds silly now. My life's changed. I work differently with Caleb. I dunno if it's -- if it's better or worse, it's just... different. I'm different.
Mean, course, yeah, I miss Stan. We grew up together. See, though, Stan's off recording albums and collaborating with Mike Skinner on The Streets' next record -- 2008's the official release, but I've been told I'll get it earlier; helps to have mates in high places, yeah? -- mixing things for Lily Allen, things like that. Doing fine for himself. But he wasn't always the finest example of a good person. Caleb really isn't either. Fact, Stan's probably the reason I hopped about with Caleb for as long as I did in the beginning. (Caleb's the reason I continue to stay.)
And I miss my family. There are even days when I miss Paddy and the gym; Mr Bennet of all people. Not about to pretend I don't. It's just that I don't miss it all that much anymore. And, well, that's why phones were invented, right?
Life with Caleb's about being in the moment. It used to be a lot more about the chaos of that, won't deny it. Bit draining at first, it was, but the pace's easy to pick up. I've kept it up. It hasn't been easy; we tend not to fight all that often, but we bicker enough to drive a person mad. And we do fight, and it never gets any easier -- though I think it's because this is important enough to fight over. To fight for. You find something -- someone like that and they're bound to be difficult to keep, but that doesn't stop you from holding fast to them . Even when they're being an arse. You know it's a good thing in return when they fight back to keep you.
I don't know if we'll be together for the next twenty years or however long I'm supposed to pretend. I don't even know about two years into the future, remember? My view of life has blinders on all sides. Mostly, I'm focused on the here and now. Maybe a month in advance, when we're planning to head back to Boston for a baseball game and to see an old friend. Maybe some point in the next year when we're supposed to finally get to Greece, which was where we were headed even before we were together (although, really, we've always been together, just in different ways).
What I see though, in the here and now, is that I'm going to be with Caleb. I don't know where we'll be, I don't know how we'll be living, I don't even know if we'll be the same people we were five minutes ago. But I see myself travelling with him still. It'd be nice to stop someday and sort of settle in one place, and maybe we'll get there together and maybe we won't. Right now, I'm still travelling because he's still travelling. He makes me laugh. He's sometimes wonderful and sometimes oblivious and very frustrating, and I still don't understand him even after all this time, but I don't see a more attractive future than the one I have. I'm happy to be frustrated and cared for and surrounded by library books (and wet towels and dirty clothes and the occasional stray tortoise or ant farm -- that last one was a nightmare, believe it). This may've not been the life I always imagined for myself, but I'm happy. Would've never thought to live like this, and I couldn't be more pleased. So I'm sticking with this course, thank you.
Who said you can't go around life just messing about with your best friend?