All things given, Allthings had, What's more, a person left hindered...
As I sit here in this room with the erie sounds of Mozart drifting towrads my ears from the speakers in the back, and in sitting let the mucus from my body run down my face and wash away the dirt and mud people have thrown at my face constantly through the months...The constant ringing of the nagging in my ears from the people who expect so much from can only be given so mych attention as may be dealt, akk of which is sucked from me so that I am left with an empty shell...It seems that in trying to give perfection to people I lose a part of myself to them and they take a prized part of me home woth them and set it on their mantle...Starting throught tears running down my dirt-stricken face clouds my vision so that I cannot see the keyboard anymore forcing me to remmeber the keys from memory. It matters not what I say in this for all it is is words and words do not take away the mistakes made and the mishapps happened, this however is somehow helpfull. I strive for perfection in music and am getting to the point that when I am not given near perfection back, why try? If all I ever do is strain my body to its breaking point and then sit in my room and recooperate myself, what good is it to even think of trying to give it all to people when asll they do is walk on you and give little or nothing back...My vision clears and Mozart always pulls me through the darkest of times, with vision cleared and dirt wiped away, I turn to face the world again in much the same manner I did before except with the knowledge it will happen again, and although I canno prevent that, I will know what it is and hopefully deflect it away from myself.
Parents can be rather demanding especially when you have struggled to give perfection all your life and then becom laxadaisical and stop it scares them, but as I now see, the worst part is...it scares me the most. I sit and think, take naps, and ponder all of which I believe ways of me renewing myself for the day ahead and the raod that must be taken...What am I doing? Am I good enough? Because when you are constantly striving and the other person fails to meet expectations, am I good enough? I suppose that it's all relative. You can only be as good as you possibly can and if you reach that level then you are the best, and although you may not be as good as the person standing nect to you, you are because you've given it all...Then why does that never seem enough? It seems as though I fly around helping other people feel better and helping and resolving there problems, who will be there for me? Will anyone come to my aid? Laying on the ground wimmpering because the preassure is too much and the only sound made is a soft moan hung on the air...I feel that no one is here now and I can't see far enough into the future for anyone ever to understand me fully...I fear I am alone...
Parents can be rather demanding especially when you have struggled to give perfection all your life and then becom laxadaisical and stop it scares them, but as I now see, the worst part is...it scares me the most. I sit and think, take naps, and ponder all of which I believe ways of me renewing myself for the day ahead and the raod that must be taken...What am I doing? Am I good enough? Because when you are constantly striving and the other person fails to meet expectations, am I good enough? I suppose that it's all relative. You can only be as good as you possibly can and if you reach that level then you are the best, and although you may not be as good as the person standing nect to you, you are because you've given it all...Then why does that never seem enough? It seems as though I fly around helping other people feel better and helping and resolving there problems, who will be there for me? Will anyone come to my aid? Laying on the ground wimmpering because the preassure is too much and the only sound made is a soft moan hung on the air...I feel that no one is here now and I can't see far enough into the future for anyone ever to understand me fully...I fear I am alone...