You weren't meant to
When I was in the sixth grade, I told a girl I would take a bullet for her. I never really thought about it until just now. Why did I say that to her? What was I expecting? Where did I think our relationship was going? I don't remember. I do remember playing that scene over and over again in my head though. I was on the roof of Stuart Middle School, and when the person had carefully chosen their victim, I was there to shield her. I have never been shot before. Talk is cheap.
If you really think about it, what you say doesn't mean anything. Typing is even worse.
I knew what I wanted to say, but now I can't remember.
It bothered me. I was bothered by it. It bothered me that I was bothered. I thought about how I was feeling, and then about every feeling my mom has ever shouted at me. Everything she doesn't regret, yet said by any other parent would. I hate my relationship with her, and my dad. I hate it so much that I'm not sure that if I could have a better one, that I would even take it, even if it meant forever.
You know what I would like? What I like.
I would like to go back and live a little differently. I wouldn't start drinking or smoking, I don't do that now. I would just tell people what they need to know. Or at least I like to think that I would. I'm sure Amanda would tell you (whoever you are) that even if I could, I wouldn't. There are tons of things I have never told particular people or anyone. Things that would make them hurt. But the hurt would be ok, because it belonged to them. I was just holding it for them for the rest of my life, in this life.
If you really think about it, what you say doesn't mean anything. Typing is even worse.
I knew what I wanted to say, but now I can't remember.
It bothered me. I was bothered by it. It bothered me that I was bothered. I thought about how I was feeling, and then about every feeling my mom has ever shouted at me. Everything she doesn't regret, yet said by any other parent would. I hate my relationship with her, and my dad. I hate it so much that I'm not sure that if I could have a better one, that I would even take it, even if it meant forever.
You know what I would like? What I like.
I would like to go back and live a little differently. I wouldn't start drinking or smoking, I don't do that now. I would just tell people what they need to know. Or at least I like to think that I would. I'm sure Amanda would tell you (whoever you are) that even if I could, I wouldn't. There are tons of things I have never told particular people or anyone. Things that would make them hurt. But the hurt would be ok, because it belonged to them. I was just holding it for them for the rest of my life, in this life.