what if I don't want to be saved?

[the_bullmeister]

I was way overdue for one of these. I'm not sure what I've been doing lately, but everything kind of just feels off no matter what anymore. I have no idea what I really want anymore and I have no idea how to go about spending my summer. All of the opportunities readily available to me are the one's I don't want and the few things I know that I want are completely out of my reach. I'm not in a bad mood, I just feel as if I'm not really doing anything. I've been really happy with the music I've written the past few days and the directions I'm starting to take, hopefully my life can follow the same kind of path. Some days I really miss highschool. The people the things, the feelings, everything. The most insignificant thing could mean the world to you (for better or for worse), and everything was an adventure. Now everything is kind of turning into a long routine with minor deviations every now and then. I miss having a girlfriend, and all the little things associated with it. Calling someone just to say I love you, or knowing that no matter how crappy a day may be you have someone to lay down with and talk about it with as soon as you get off work. Having someone to walk around the the park with holding hands, or kiss on a playground at 2 am. Having someone who you can just sit with and not say anything and simply enjoy a country drive without the silences being awkward. Most people are too busy to love anymore, or think it isn't for them right now. Unfortunatly for me I'm one of the few people who just wants that more than anything.

Ha reading back on this I realize that it is extremely lame, but I felt like saying something to someone. Goodnight =)