[private]

[the_boy_who_]

I had that dream again last night where I can't remember what exactly happened but I wake up wrapped in my sheets, breathing really heavy with sweat dripping down me, like I was running away from something. It makes me sad. Makes me remember my parents. Makes me miss Sirius. I can't explain the feeling. But it rips me apart.

It's like anyone I could ever love dies. It's like who ever is in charge up there has decided that I have to be alone. Forever.
That's a long time.

I look at Ron and Lavendar and wonder if I'll ever be allowed to be in love. If I'll ever be able to laugh and look at someone the way Ron looks at her. I hope she loves him too.

I see Ginny. And she makes me happy. I like how she's so cheerful even though she's gone through awful stuff. Sometimes I daydream that one day we'll sit down and talk about our experiences with Voldemort and we'll talk and talk and be happy. Together.

But that's never going to happen. Because Ginny doesn't like me. I know what not. I don't think I'll ever understand why people do stuff just to humor me.
I guess it's silly...that I was really hoping for her to like me back.
And I guess it's just really dumb because even if I was in a relationship, I don't know how to act. I don't know what do to.

I would give anything to just be normal.