(no subject)
Something really funny happened a couple of days ago. I walked into the sunlight and noticed I had come out of a really long, dark tunnel.
Well. If my entire sentient life was a tunnel and finding out what actually causes me to be the way I am is the light.
So, apparently I am "manic".
I suffer from "mania".
I spent a night crying in relief, terror, self-pity and excitment before finally coming to terms with the fact that I am officially a maniac.
MANIAC.
Seriously. I /came to terms with the idea of being a manic/.
Oh dear. Well, clearly it doesn't make me a maniac, it's just an unfortunate coincidence, word-wise. But it is still big news for me. I always new there was something stopping me from settling in to life. I never quite felt comfortable being alive. My mind didn't match my surroundings etc.
Whatever.
Basically, now I know why I am the way I am.
I know why I have delusions of grandeur and potential.
I know why I am so basic sometimes and genius at others.
I know why I have racing thoughts, stay up all night and find it really, really difficult to communicate.
I know why I feel intense feelings. All the time.
I know why I bounce off the walls, lurk around the town as a spy and feel like I'm on speed.
I know why I feel an internal pressure to keep talking, over-explaining things.
Anyway. I am really, really relieved. I now have the correct minority group that I guess I've been looking for.
Well. If my entire sentient life was a tunnel and finding out what actually causes me to be the way I am is the light.
So, apparently I am "manic".
I suffer from "mania".
I spent a night crying in relief, terror, self-pity and excitment before finally coming to terms with the fact that I am officially a maniac.
MANIAC.
Seriously. I /came to terms with the idea of being a manic/.
Oh dear. Well, clearly it doesn't make me a maniac, it's just an unfortunate coincidence, word-wise. But it is still big news for me. I always new there was something stopping me from settling in to life. I never quite felt comfortable being alive. My mind didn't match my surroundings etc.
Whatever.
Basically, now I know why I am the way I am.
I know why I have delusions of grandeur and potential.
I know why I am so basic sometimes and genius at others.
I know why I have racing thoughts, stay up all night and find it really, really difficult to communicate.
I know why I feel intense feelings. All the time.
I know why I bounce off the walls, lurk around the town as a spy and feel like I'm on speed.
I know why I feel an internal pressure to keep talking, over-explaining things.
Anyway. I am really, really relieved. I now have the correct minority group that I guess I've been looking for.