I have to get this off my chest.
It's scaring the FUCK out of me.
BlueMage So, I had a really strange dream this morning.
BlueMage I was dreaming -in a dream-.
BlueMage Already I'm fucking weirded out.
BlueMage Kind of.
BlueMage Only somehow I was fully aware I was still dreaming.
BlueMage And in the dream in the dream, I saw Dad, and he was all zonked out from the meds, like he was shortly before he died. Incoherent. And I remember just raging. Part of it was tantrum, and part of it was just unbridled, all-consuming rage
BlueMage But as time went on he just smirked, and he said, "I'm just fuckin' with you, Kyle. Come on, calm down. Everything's gonna be alright, you'll see."
BlueMage And progressively he sat up from the inexplicable wheelchair he was in, and then stood up.
BlueMage ANd then I woke up from the dream-in-the-dream, and then just started walking downstairs, Passed Mom and my sister, don't remember my brother being there...just, dead set on something.
BlueMage And then I woke up. For real.
BlueMage It was around 7:20 this morning. Mom called for Kevin to get up, then again at 7:25. I trundled out of bed, nudged him awake, and then fell back asleep until like 8:30.
BlueMage The thought's crossed my mind more than once that it could be the better part of me telling myself to wise up and stand up.
BlueMage It's also crossed my mind that maybe he -was- really speaking to me.
BlueMage I don't know what to think about it, that's mostly why I'm scared shitless.
BlueMage I'm laughing rather inappropriately at this
BlueMage I'm just wondering if i've just been IM'ed from the dead.
BlueMage or if it's just my subconscious reminding me I'm not a complete pussy.
What do I do here? I don't know how to react to this. At all. I should, but I don't know how other than sobbing like a baby.
BlueMage So, I had a really strange dream this morning.
BlueMage I was dreaming -in a dream-.
BlueMage Already I'm fucking weirded out.
BlueMage Kind of.
BlueMage Only somehow I was fully aware I was still dreaming.
BlueMage And in the dream in the dream, I saw Dad, and he was all zonked out from the meds, like he was shortly before he died. Incoherent. And I remember just raging. Part of it was tantrum, and part of it was just unbridled, all-consuming rage
BlueMage But as time went on he just smirked, and he said, "I'm just fuckin' with you, Kyle. Come on, calm down. Everything's gonna be alright, you'll see."
BlueMage And progressively he sat up from the inexplicable wheelchair he was in, and then stood up.
BlueMage ANd then I woke up from the dream-in-the-dream, and then just started walking downstairs, Passed Mom and my sister, don't remember my brother being there...just, dead set on something.
BlueMage And then I woke up. For real.
BlueMage It was around 7:20 this morning. Mom called for Kevin to get up, then again at 7:25. I trundled out of bed, nudged him awake, and then fell back asleep until like 8:30.
BlueMage The thought's crossed my mind more than once that it could be the better part of me telling myself to wise up and stand up.
BlueMage It's also crossed my mind that maybe he -was- really speaking to me.
BlueMage I don't know what to think about it, that's mostly why I'm scared shitless.
BlueMage I'm laughing rather inappropriately at this
BlueMage I'm just wondering if i've just been IM'ed from the dead.
BlueMage or if it's just my subconscious reminding me I'm not a complete pussy.
What do I do here? I don't know how to react to this. At all. I should, but I don't know how other than sobbing like a baby.