(no subject)
Let’s get one thing straight before we even start: I know that it was stupid. Monumentally stupid. The most stupid thing in the history of the world. But, you know, I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly: I’d just nearly puked on the girl of my dreams while she was in the middle of making out with me consensually. And I still had a boner. So sue me.
“I love you!”
I know, right? What. The. Fuck.
So I say the ‘L’ word and Nia gets this look on her face and she’s leaving anyway (which is not how the movies lead me to believe it’d be, by the way) and then I turn around and Nolle’s standing right there.
It’s then that I realise: I am such an asshole.
She screws something up and throws it at me and I suppose I’m lucky that I haven’t got, like, a whole audience or something, but, right then, it doesn’t matter. I sink down and I sit on the floor, right there in the middle of 3 North. Here I am, in this place where they tell me when to eat, when to sleep, when to draw, when to shower and I’ve still managed to fuck everything up.
Because I am doomed to be a failure. Forever.
I open the drawing, and it’s beautiful - Noelle’s so talented that it only makes me feel worse. I should go after her. I should like, try to explain how much of a fucking idiot and how much I suck and, Jesus, I feel so sick.
I close my eyes and wait for the little man to release his hold on the rope around my stomach, because, of course, he’s conspiring to actually make this worse by ensuring that I puke twice in five minutes. Probably all over myself this time. I put one hand up over my eyes and I try to breathe through it. Somebody walks up to me and I just keep breathing.
“Just give me a minute, okay?” I say. “Please. Just…a minute.”
ooc: Find Craig sitting in any corridor in the compound that suits you! ST/LT welcome
“I love you!”
I know, right? What. The. Fuck.
So I say the ‘L’ word and Nia gets this look on her face and she’s leaving anyway (which is not how the movies lead me to believe it’d be, by the way) and then I turn around and Nolle’s standing right there.
It’s then that I realise: I am such an asshole.
She screws something up and throws it at me and I suppose I’m lucky that I haven’t got, like, a whole audience or something, but, right then, it doesn’t matter. I sink down and I sit on the floor, right there in the middle of 3 North. Here I am, in this place where they tell me when to eat, when to sleep, when to draw, when to shower and I’ve still managed to fuck everything up.
Because I am doomed to be a failure. Forever.
I open the drawing, and it’s beautiful - Noelle’s so talented that it only makes me feel worse. I should go after her. I should like, try to explain how much of a fucking idiot and how much I suck and, Jesus, I feel so sick.
I close my eyes and wait for the little man to release his hold on the rope around my stomach, because, of course, he’s conspiring to actually make this worse by ensuring that I puke twice in five minutes. Probably all over myself this time. I put one hand up over my eyes and I try to breathe through it. Somebody walks up to me and I just keep breathing.
“Just give me a minute, okay?” I say. “Please. Just…a minute.”
ooc: Find Craig sitting in any corridor in the compound that suits you! ST/LT welcome