(Untitled)

[floozyfacade]

It's only a few weeks into the school term and, if Olive were sensible, she'd be studying. Today's a light day, meaning she has plenty of time to do so, if she just buckles down, and it's not like she isn't a focused, disciplined student when she wants to be. Even without these grades contributing to the college applications she won't be writing

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[lucked]

"I'm not going to quote you on that. I wouldn't. I mean, I know I said- I shouldn't have- but this is definitely not the kind of thing that I just talk about with people. I don't like the whole gossip thing to begin with. Not that I'd ever hold it against Jackie anymore- she was my... best friend, before she, she passed away- but that was always the thing that made me most uncomfortable about being on the cheer squad," Claire reassures, even as she finds her nerves only winding further, at the memory of Jackie, at Brody informing Claire with a grin that he'd already smeared her reputation around the halls of Union Wells. Even the memory of blood dripping down her palm and shards of glass roughly digging into her palm only makes Claire's shoulders pull up higher around herself.

"Did..." she pauses, rubbing down her arm before shaking her head and pushing through regardless. Maybe it's just deflecting, but there's a part of Claire that knows that she probably should've talked to someone at greater length about everything that happened with Brody, someone other than her dad, who was always the type of guy to take things directly into his own hands. Resolution wasn't really something that she ever found with Brody, the matter simply fading away with time. "Did someone spread a rumor about you back home?"

[floozyfacade]

The question shakes Olive, not because it comes out of nowhere, but because it's perfectly warranted. Because she grew so accustomed to the idea of that being a part of her life and turning it upside down, that when she got to the island and was ready to step away from it, she somehow forgot that it wasn't written all over her. It feels like it is, like no matter how fervently she hates the idea, what she underwent changed her. Though she still likes to think of herself as an open person, she's a little more cautious now than she once was, and this conversation alone is proof of the way certain things make her jump now that she would have laughed off before, thoughtless.

"Oh, my God," she murmurs. "God, Claire, I - I am so stupid. I'm so stupid, I'm sorry. I don't know, I - you know, we've... I know rumors have come up before in conversation, but I never... actually said anything about it and I guess I just assumed I mentioned it, except I never wanted to talk about it, really, so I just... I just, I don't know, it was a big deal before I got here, I guess I - I forget it's something I have to explain." And then that hits, too, a kind of fury she can't do anything with. She shouldn't have to explain. It shouldn't have happened. It doesn't have to be part of her life here, either, except that she's allowed it to be, and she should be better able to control herself.

"Yes. Yeah. A lot of rumors. Rampant rumors. All completely baseless, before I got here. For two weeks, all anyone was talking about were all the guys I'd slept with." She keeps her voice curt, angry with the people she left behind, though it softens as she glances back to Claire, shaking her head. Though she still feels she's not wholly blameless, today it's easier just to be mad at everyone else. "I... Eduardo was my first. He's - I've never slept with anyone else, never. I've never done anything with anyone else, except kiss. It was just this... big misunderstanding that snowballed."

[lucked]

"Yeah, that's- that's what I mean, a rumor like that," Claire says quietly, worrying her lower lip. There's a difference, after all, between speculation that goes behind a girl's back, and something so pointed, in Claire's eyes. It's one thing for people to see the way that Jackie fawned over Brody, and wonder about what other guys Jackie's crushed on in the past, and another for those rumors to viciously spread. And while it was always an uncomfortable topic, there's something about it that never really landed in weight until they were all suddenly directed at Claire herself. She'd never realized just how isolating it was, the looks that people gave, the fact that Brody was able to get away with so much, just by hooking girls in with that smile, only ever chasing after the ones who responded to those initial flirts.

Who could ever really prove him wrong? Who could, when even for a girl like Claire, who didn't seek attention, who only enjoyed the spotlight of a cocaptain, and was so careful to keep that out of her everyday affairs and relationships? Claire couldn't help but see all of the tiny, normally inconsequential details that people probably picked on for Olive. She's so confident, full of attitude, and has a gorgeous look to boot.

"It sucks, doesn't it? It's like... no matter what they knew of you before, or the kind of person that they thought you were, all it takes is one specific rumor for things to go flying way out of control," Claire goes on, her voice feeling slightly tight and hushed, as though afraid that someone might step in on them now, even as they're sitting on a relatively deserted stretch of beach. "I think I kind of get it. There was this situation that I had with a guy back home too, where I was. I was interested for a while. More than, I guess- totally had a huge crush, and I flirted with him and stuff, before I realized the kind of guy that he really was? And when I turned him down, he started spreading rumors, calling me a slut around the school." Her gaze drops for a moment, considering whether or not she should tell the rest of it all, but this isn't the time for her to be airing her own grievances. This is supposed to be for Olive, trying to offer reassurance, support.

Besides, talking about Brody in such a capacity isn't something she's sure she can do without crying, even after so long.

"It sucks, that people only care so much when it's like, juicy news. And when being lucky just means that the attention shifts to someone else, no one... wins, really."

[floozyfacade]

Sometimes when Olive thinks about home, she wonders how things would have turned out if they'd all gone the way she thought she wanted. She considers the possible twists and turns, the ways she could eventually have turned all the rumors on their heads, the spectacles she could have made to force the hand of truth. And she thinks, if she had, would anyone have believed her? It was her voice against all of theirs, and when she spent two weeks adding hers to the cruel chorus, why should anyone take her word?

And if she'd stayed there, if she'd ever, somehow, managed to get Todd to see her the way she always wanted... she wonders about that, too. About who he might be in private, about what's under his easy-going exterior. After Anson, it's hard not to wonder who people really are underneath, if she's always misjudged. It's hard to believe Todd's anything but what he seems, though, which is part of what always drew her to him, how genuine he seemed in the face of all the playacting and gossip that made up high school life.

"I hate that they get away with it," she says, reaching out a hand to rest sympathetically on Claire's back. She wishes so much she didn't understand, that she hadn't had to provoke those memories in the other girl, giving her all the more reason to be angry with herself for her misstep. This stupid rumor changed a lot in Ojai, but it wasn't supposed to change her, to be able to affect so much so far down the line. There's so much to it that angers her still, both with regards to the others and herself, but for the moment, she decides to skate clear of too many details. It's a difficult topic for both of them, and it's probably better, she thinks, to take it slowly until she can better gauge if Claire's really okay, when she's starting to guess maybe she should have been more understanding, that maybe the reason the blonde fixated so much on the possibility of her bottling it all up is because she's done the same. If that's the case, Olive hardly wants to make this about herself, but it's hard not to get a little worked up again.

"I just... it's not right. That anyone can just... say that and everyone believes it. That if guys don't get what they want, they can just tell everyone they did and... he gets slapped on the back and congratulated, and everyone just shoves you in a corner and calls you a whore. Or a skank. Among other... more colorful names. And it doesn't matter who they are or, you know, I mean, what they're really like, if they're - if they're popular enough or you aren't, well, forget anything you have to say."

[lucked]

Claire nods through the whole explanation, agreeing wholeheartedly, even as she finds herself unable to muster quite the same voice, afraid that she might push herself too far and let out details that she'd rather keep hidden away for the moment. Her eyes shut for a second, thinking of Zach, and she lets out a deep sigh. While she no longer holds all of the hurtful things Jackie said against her (because what use is there in holding a grudge against a memory, and one that more than redeemed itself in the end), still she finds herself thinking about Zach, about how difficult it must have been all those years, with practically every girl on cheer willing to rag on him about his sexuality. Zach never did say what his preferences were, not even to Claire, not even at the end. It didn't need defining, and he was comfortable with who he was, or so he said. But Claire believes him, and it makes her wish all the more that Zach could be here, that he could offer his own insight on dispelling rumors, or at least in ignoring them and standing fall in the process.

"Yeah, the difference between the response a guy gets for sex and the one that a girl gets is totally different, and so, so wrong," Claire agrees, shaking her head and feeling her jaw lock in frustration. "I don't know why there's that double standard, but you're right, like... I don't know, our quarterback was able to say so much about a ton of girls he knew, basically whichever ones weren't willing to 'put out' or whatever. And every time, not even other girls would help to defend each other from all of the lies and judgment. If anything, most of them just seemed to make it worse for each other."

Rubbing at her forehead, Claire brushes the strands over her ear, wetting her lips before deciding that maybe it's worth pushing just a moment more. Offering a warning that Olive must be familiar with already, but after everything, Claire finds that it's one she can't stress enough.

"Maybe, if we'd all been... you know, willing to stand up to the rumors and popularity contests, then we'd be forewarned against guys that are total skeeves," she adds, not even bothering to force her words into a lighter tone. "Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be a problem here that I know of, but even then, you never know. You never really know someone until you spend a lot of time with them."

[floozyfacade]

Olive nods, plucking at the towel under her. It's true, she knows it is, that it takes a while to know a person for who they really are; time's so often required to let defenses fall away and true colors show. But then, she thinks of Anson, and how little she really knew him, even though she's known him since kindergarten. She could rattle off a list of facts, for him or for nearly any of her classmates, shared experiences and memories, likes and dislikes and skills, but that, she's come to find, doesn't mean shit. It's not the same as knowing someone at all. And then some of the people she met that first afternoon here are among her closest friends now, bonds forged nearly at once. And Eduardo, God, Eduardo - she still doesn't know if it was just the circumstances that made her so receptive when she knew the smart thing to do would be to keep any man at bay, but she didn't need long to know him.

That's the trouble, in the end, she thinks, that people, for all that they're predictable, are so unbelievably complex and varied. That it's easy to guess at what a group will do, and sometimes to forget that that doesn't apply to a person alone.

She wants to say she didn't care about popularity, but it would be a lie, at least sort of. She didn't need to be popular, but some part of her has always craved attention, has always wanted to be seen. It was easily come by at home, but she's not alone in wanting it from her alleged peers, too. Her fault was in taking it however she could. Or maybe it was in caring about those people at all.

"Well, that's the thing," she says, "you never know. I mean, it's - you can't tell what someone is capable of, you know? Even people you think you really know, I mean, it's, when they're pushed to their limits or - or they get an opening or they misread the signs, we... you never really know. Even here. I don't know. Our circumstances changed, but we - you know, if stuff like that went down here, all the rumors and lies and gossip, I... I don't know if it would really be any different. I mean, it's a much more... liberal society than the one I lived in, but still. It's a small town. We know a lot about each other. Maybe not all of it's true."

[lucked]

"I've definitely heard rumors," Claire remarks quietly, her voice distant as she thinks about the people she's heard about, even before meeting them. She's heard of more than a few people who have struggles with drink; she's heard about some people who seem to have no qualms about hooking up with others. She's heard of unusual romances, the doubts that people have had surrounding them, and so much more than that. The thing about working in a central location, with people whose very job is to keep the residents of the island safe, is that such hubs draw all the talk as well. "I mean, nothing really vicious, but definitely a lot of stuff that I don't know much about. Things about people I've never met, but their names would be totally familiar to me now because of everything I've heard. I don't think it's as bad as my high school was, but I also feel like. I don't know. Talking about people is something that always happens, right? People are talkative. We're social."

Pursing her lips in frustration, Claire ruffles her hair at the back of her neck, tugging at a few strands, lifting her gaze to meet Olive's again. "I just hope that the whole rumor mill doesn't go as far as shaming people for like, choices that are totally theirs to make. It's ridiculous to judge other people before you know the entire situation, anyway. Even like, Zuko, one of my best friends on the island, when I finally met his sister after hearing him talk about her so much," Claire shook her head. "She wasn't really what I was expecting at all. And I don't mean that in a good way."

[floozyfacade]

Olive pulls a face, nodding. She's met Zuko under some pretty rough circumstances, and the island's way too small for her not to have heard a little about all that, though she still doesn't really know much. Certainly what little she heard isn't enough for her to feel comfortable judging, especially not knowing the people involved. It's just the kind of thing they mean, she realizes, that she would know anything happened without knowing anybody it affected in any real way. She can't even trust the details she's heard. She knows far too well how quickly those get bent out of shape, even here where people may gossip, but at least don't seem vindictive about it for the most part.

"I think there'll always be someone who carries it that far," she says. "God, that sounds so cynical. I don't mean to be all Debbie Downer about it, I just... I think that's how people are, too. We talk, you're right, we're social creatures, and there's nothing wrong with that. But someone's always going to be mean about it. And... we just have to learn to ignore them. Which is a long and confusing process the end of which, I'm pretty sure, has yet to be discovered by man nor beast. Well, probably cats. They don't give a shit, they do what they want."