(Untitled)

[floozyfacade]

It's only a few weeks into the school term and, if Olive were sensible, she'd be studying. Today's a light day, meaning she has plenty of time to do so, if she just buckles down, and it's not like she isn't a focused, disciplined student when she wants to be. Even without these grades contributing to the college applications she won't be writing

Comments

[lucked]

"Whoa," Claire breathes at once, lurching forward for half a second once Olive pulls away, before she's able to correct for the sudden shift in balance, hands gripping the back of the sofa and pushing until she stands straight again. Blinking, she can only manage to stare as she finds herself suddenly... scolded, perhaps? Reprimanded, but with a rant also in tow, all of it serving to make Claire wish that she could hastily rewind the moment, keep her lips shut, or otherwise at least sink into a hole where no one can see. A small flush rises to her cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and shame as she quickly berates herself for assuming that Olive would have been fine with the quip. It's something that Claire herself meant as harmless, nothing more than a joke, and certainly nothing malicious, but there's a twinge that immediately thrums through her chest at her sheer inability to, apparently, predict what sorts of things her best friend on the island wouldn't be okay hearing.

She's heard a little bit about the situation Olive faced at home, after all. Not too much; it doesn't feel like the thing to pry into before it's time. But enough to guess that it must be something close to Olive's heart.

"I'm sorry," she adds, her tone quiet, not even bothering to try and pick up on the rest of Olive's words, a few of which might have been thrown out as a lifeline to salvage the moment. If there's one thing that Claire's learned lately, in listening to so many apologies thrown her way, it's that she never likes it when excuses come in tow.

Nor does she like it when they're brushed under the rug.

"I really didn't mean to upset you. Or... lie. Or hint at possibly lying in the future."

[floozyfacade]

Olive scratches absently at her forehead, mouth set in a line and breath briefly held as she reminds herself to breathe like a normal person and not like a ranting lunatic (admittedly, sometimes a problem even at other times, given how frequently she gets carried away, but practice doesn't always make it any easier to keep herself in line). She should know better, she scolds herself, than to try and hide things from Claire. There's a difference between keeping much of the truth to herself, waiting until she's ready, and outright trying to pretend nothing's wrong. For one thing, no matter how she tries to take things on her own, she's never much good at the latter, and Claire knows her better than that.

Her parents do, too, but they used to let her get away with so much. Olive always appreciated that, but now she just wishes her mom were here to pull it out of her, as she sometimes did, to sit down and stroke her hair and talk her through all this. There are days where she hardly thinks of all that and days where she does, but it's gotten easier, and days where it's like she's never talked about it at all for all the good the things she's been told do. As hard as that is sometimes, she can carry it. It's when she lets it affect her mood and her behavior toward others that she hates it most.

"I'm sorry," she sighs after a few moments of collecting herself, though the effort abates the moment she speaks and her face crumples into something less stern, more painfully apologetic. "I shouldn't - I didn't... mean to snap. Or, I guess, I did when I did so, but I didn't stop to think. Which isn't meant to be an excuse, because it's not."

[lucked]

"It's an explanation," Claire nods in understanding, though she still hovers a couple of steps away, lips pressed firmly together and arms crossed in slight defense. It's not nearly enough for her opinion of Olive to change. Everyone has buttons, has things that might drive them to the edge, and god only knows that Claire's had her share of temper tantrums too, even if most haven't been on the island proper. Besides, chances are that with Olive, this isn't even a tantrum so much as an issue that should probably be addressed, probably should be talked through, and Claire worries her lips for a few seconds, trying to figure out if it's best that she's the one to try, if it's best for all of that to happen now when, apparently, tensions are high. "I get it. I mean, mostly, I don't want to assume I know exactly why it upset you, but it was kind of a thoughtless remark on my end and not exactly the most tasteful of jokes. But, really, I wasn't trying to imply anything about you or something like that, and it's definitely not something I would have shared with people, so- just trying to reassure you that I wouldn't... do that."

Somehow, it feels like she's talked herself through a loop of circles and knots, and she sighs at the end of it, running her fingers through her hair nervously, before she sighs and turns until she can sit herself down next to Olive on the sand.

"Is it something that's been on your mind?" Claire asks gently, resting her temple to her knee. "Or was that just really... offensive of me to say? I might've been desensitized a bit by the cheer squad back home."

[floozyfacade]

"No, no, it's fi-" Olive cuts herself off, because she knows that's entirely the wrong word. It's an automatic one, but disingenuous. She might be fine now, if incredibly embarrassed by her reaction, but the situation itself doesn't fall under that description and it would be unfair to try and pass it off that way. She lifts her hands as if keeping something at bay, though mostly that might be her own ungainly words and the way she has a tendency to spit them out, unthinking. That's what got her into that whole mess to begin with, isn't it? And while she prefers to be unguarded with her friends, as free as she ever was before shit got bad at home, she also knows that sometimes she really needs to watch herself, especially when the problem right now is that she didn't just now.

It's easier said than done, but she tries. "It's not you," she says. "And I'm not breaking up with you, that sounds like a break up, oh, it's not you, it's me, blah, blah, blah. No, it's..." She trails off, tongue pressed between her teeth, making a brief sucking sound as she considers Claire's question a minute too late. Has it been on her mind? On and off, she thinks. Not more than usual. She's been doing better about it lately, she's pretty sure, but now and then, things just flare up again. The trouble is learning not to let it hurt anyone other than herself. "You know, just a sore subject. My own fault for walking us into it, honestly. It really wasn't that offensive. I mean, God, we hang out with Chris and Maxxie, I think offensive is a relative term."

[lucked]

"Yeah," Claire agrees, more as a reflex than anything else, the word slow and drawn out, hesitant. "I guess. I mean, I definitely haven't been hanging out with Chris lately because there was kind of, kind of a thing, but I see what you mean, I guess? But it's different to hear the two of them say something, and then for someone like you or me to make a statement, I guess. Sometimes I just think of the two of them as speaking another language. Not really ideal to hear when half of what they say is really personal and physical, but you can't really expect to change other people all of the time."

The last statement thrums in her chest, like a ribbon stretched taut, before she looks up and tries to get a better sense for how Olive's feeling. If there's anything that remains clear to Claire right now, though, it's the fact that Olive's far from shared everything that there is to know. With some people, she'd let the details slide, brush them under the rug like they're nothing at all. But for the people she loves so dearly, for people like Olive, who Claire feels like she can't let down, can't allow to carry undue burdens on her own, there's nothing that she wants more than to hang on.

"But you know, if it's a sore subject... maybe you need to talk about it? I don't want to presume or anything, obviously that's only something you can decide, but all I know is that bottling things rarely ends up well."

[floozyfacade]

It's strange to hear it described like that, because Olive rarely sees what she's doing as bottling anything up, but when it's mentioned, it's hard to pretend that isn't entirely true. She's been so intent on moving on with her life and embracing what she has here, on leaving her old life behind as much as she can because otherwise she'll miss all the good parts too much. She already does, try though she does to live life here to the fullest. The stuff she leaves out, though, the parts she hides, aren't the good things.

She's not sure if she should talk about it or not, because it isn't something she wants to harp on, but at the same time, if she's still snapping about it, still this sensitive, Claire's probably right that she should. Getting it out of her system would be the smartest thing. But then, she thinks, she's clearly feeling especially touchy about it right now. Maybe she should wait until she's a little more clear-headed.

There's something she needs to ask about, though, and she decides to set it aside for a minute, partly to give herself time to decide and partly because there are far more important things than her right now. "I, uh," she starts, "maybe. Maybe I do, I don't know, I just - what do you mean, a thing? Is everything okay?"

[lucked]

She shakes her head at first, not wanting to talk about further about Chris. It isn't something that she feels she needs too much advice on, not right now, not when things have finally settled back into some semblance of peace, not only with him, but also in her heart. It isn't always possible to control the deeper feelings that a person might have for others, but it's more than possible to temper them in the face of so much that just won't work, and Claire herself has never been desperate enough for a relationship to fight all of that. But the hypocrisy strikes her, the inability to talk it through with her best friend, so Claire sighs and lets out just a touch of what's happened, hoping that Olive won't grab on and make a big deal of it all, not when she's so tired of spending time circling around the fact.

"A thing, as in... not that we were ever official, but I'm pretty sure we already unofficially broke up. Though I'll need to talk to him at some point to confirm it, I'm sure," Claire shrugs, the helpless gesture of someone who doesn't want to fight the odds anymore, not after everything that's happened to her over the years. "Anyway, I mean, we can talk about that later if you want, but. At the risk of being a huge pain in the butt, it looks like you just tried to turn the conversation back to me, which makes it seem even more like you're avoiding a topic that... maybe you shouldn't."

Pressing her lips together, Claire makes her own concession. "Is this something that'll be easier to talk about later? Or has it been on your mind for a while? Because I am totally willing to play bad cop, but I also know that you've got a good head on your shoulders, so I don't want to do that unless it's necessary."

[floozyfacade]

Olive's torn, wanting to ask about what happened with Chris, but knowing she can't simply let those questions hang in the air. It wouldn't be fair, when Claire's such a good friend to her and she's just been kind of awful in return.

"It's really nothing," she says, even though that's a terrible way to phrase it, all things considered. It doesn't convey much of anything, and she shakes her head in frustration, waving a hand. "I mean, it's not nothing, it's just, you know... it's like breaking your leg with a kid and then sometimes it... hurts... before it rains or something, I don't know, you know, just... a residual pain that flares up. You know, it's there and sometimes you, you remember it's there out of nowhere, but ninety-nine percent of the time, it's really not a big deal. I really didn't mean to change the subject, I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

She'll have to check on Chris, too, at some point, but she trusts Claire's judgment enough in turn to know that, if she's not trying to patch it up, then her reasons for that must be good ones. It'll bear discussion soon enough, but she doesn't want to try to completely change the subject again so soon.

[lucked]

If Claire's to be honest with herself right now, everything that Olive says resonates, and then several times over. There are so many things which happened back home and on the streets of New York that Claire's done her best to forget, or at least to put solidly behind her. Why bother lingering on the thought, after all, when none of them apply here on the island? Sylar's not around. There aren't powers to make people fear one another, not on a regular basis. There aren't powers to trigger an ensuing battle. There isn't some secret group bagging and tagging the lot of them, as far as she's aware. There are only people from different walks of life, all confused, all clinging to each other while the island remains so volatile.

But it'd be a lie to say that Claire's come to terms with all that's happened. Nothing's further from the truth.

With a soft sigh, Claire reaches a foot out, buries it slightly in the sand. "Yeah, but... when that kind of pain isn't really, you know, from the rain so much as it comes up at the topic of sex, I don't know. That just seems like a red flag to me," she returns, cautiously, hoping that she isn't simply sidestepping a whole bunch of mines in the process. "And believe me, I'm fine. Chris just lives a different lifestyle than I do, and I think it's finally starting to grate to the point where we can't see eye to eye on most things, but that's... not something that'll end the friendship, so it's fine, I'm not going to put too much stock into a relationship anyway at this point. What you're bottling seems, I don't know. More serious."

[floozyfacade]

"I don't have a problem with sex," Olive protests, brow furrowing as she shakes her head. "I really don't. It's - it's normal and healthy and a part of a fairly high percentage of adult lives, including, I might add, my own. And enjoyable, I will have you know, an enjoyable part. Of adult life. Or mine. Anyway."

She really doesn't want to get into the details. That's where the problem starts. She isn't going to hide the fact she's sexually active, not when it's actually true and when her friends are, for the most part, far less judgmental about such things here than the kids back home were. It's the details she doesn't want to share. Those, she's learned the hard way, should really stay private. Especially now that it's true.

"You know, and... don't quote me on this, but I really, I have no problem with sex or even talking about it, I like it, we can talk about sex if you want. I just... don't like people talking to other people about me having sex, which I think is, under the circumstances, entirely understandable, and would be even if I hadn't been the subject of intensive gossip. It's, you know... it's a private topic. You wouldn't want me to go around taking about your sex life if you... told me details someday."

[lucked]

"I'm not going to quote you on that. I wouldn't. I mean, I know I said- I shouldn't have- but this is definitely not the kind of thing that I just talk about with people. I don't like the whole gossip thing to begin with. Not that I'd ever hold it against Jackie anymore- she was my... best friend, before she, she passed away- but that was always the thing that made me most uncomfortable about being on the cheer squad," Claire reassures, even as she finds her nerves only winding further, at the memory of Jackie, at Brody informing Claire with a grin that he'd already smeared her reputation around the halls of Union Wells. Even the memory of blood dripping down her palm and shards of glass roughly digging into her palm only makes Claire's shoulders pull up higher around herself.

"Did..." she pauses, rubbing down her arm before shaking her head and pushing through regardless. Maybe it's just deflecting, but there's a part of Claire that knows that she probably should've talked to someone at greater length about everything that happened with Brody, someone other than her dad, who was always the type of guy to take things directly into his own hands. Resolution wasn't really something that she ever found with Brody, the matter simply fading away with time. "Did someone spread a rumor about you back home?"

[floozyfacade]

The question shakes Olive, not because it comes out of nowhere, but because it's perfectly warranted. Because she grew so accustomed to the idea of that being a part of her life and turning it upside down, that when she got to the island and was ready to step away from it, she somehow forgot that it wasn't written all over her. It feels like it is, like no matter how fervently she hates the idea, what she underwent changed her. Though she still likes to think of herself as an open person, she's a little more cautious now than she once was, and this conversation alone is proof of the way certain things make her jump now that she would have laughed off before, thoughtless.

"Oh, my God," she murmurs. "God, Claire, I - I am so stupid. I'm so stupid, I'm sorry. I don't know, I - you know, we've... I know rumors have come up before in conversation, but I never... actually said anything about it and I guess I just assumed I mentioned it, except I never wanted to talk about it, really, so I just... I just, I don't know, it was a big deal before I got here, I guess I - I forget it's something I have to explain." And then that hits, too, a kind of fury she can't do anything with. She shouldn't have to explain. It shouldn't have happened. It doesn't have to be part of her life here, either, except that she's allowed it to be, and she should be better able to control herself.

"Yes. Yeah. A lot of rumors. Rampant rumors. All completely baseless, before I got here. For two weeks, all anyone was talking about were all the guys I'd slept with." She keeps her voice curt, angry with the people she left behind, though it softens as she glances back to Claire, shaking her head. Though she still feels she's not wholly blameless, today it's easier just to be mad at everyone else. "I... Eduardo was my first. He's - I've never slept with anyone else, never. I've never done anything with anyone else, except kiss. It was just this... big misunderstanding that snowballed."

[lucked]

"Yeah, that's- that's what I mean, a rumor like that," Claire says quietly, worrying her lower lip. There's a difference, after all, between speculation that goes behind a girl's back, and something so pointed, in Claire's eyes. It's one thing for people to see the way that Jackie fawned over Brody, and wonder about what other guys Jackie's crushed on in the past, and another for those rumors to viciously spread. And while it was always an uncomfortable topic, there's something about it that never really landed in weight until they were all suddenly directed at Claire herself. She'd never realized just how isolating it was, the looks that people gave, the fact that Brody was able to get away with so much, just by hooking girls in with that smile, only ever chasing after the ones who responded to those initial flirts.

Who could ever really prove him wrong? Who could, when even for a girl like Claire, who didn't seek attention, who only enjoyed the spotlight of a cocaptain, and was so careful to keep that out of her everyday affairs and relationships? Claire couldn't help but see all of the tiny, normally inconsequential details that people probably picked on for Olive. She's so confident, full of attitude, and has a gorgeous look to boot.

"It sucks, doesn't it? It's like... no matter what they knew of you before, or the kind of person that they thought you were, all it takes is one specific rumor for things to go flying way out of control," Claire goes on, her voice feeling slightly tight and hushed, as though afraid that someone might step in on them now, even as they're sitting on a relatively deserted stretch of beach. "I think I kind of get it. There was this situation that I had with a guy back home too, where I was. I was interested for a while. More than, I guess- totally had a huge crush, and I flirted with him and stuff, before I realized the kind of guy that he really was? And when I turned him down, he started spreading rumors, calling me a slut around the school." Her gaze drops for a moment, considering whether or not she should tell the rest of it all, but this isn't the time for her to be airing her own grievances. This is supposed to be for Olive, trying to offer reassurance, support.

Besides, talking about Brody in such a capacity isn't something she's sure she can do without crying, even after so long.

"It sucks, that people only care so much when it's like, juicy news. And when being lucky just means that the attention shifts to someone else, no one... wins, really."

[floozyfacade]

Sometimes when Olive thinks about home, she wonders how things would have turned out if they'd all gone the way she thought she wanted. She considers the possible twists and turns, the ways she could eventually have turned all the rumors on their heads, the spectacles she could have made to force the hand of truth. And she thinks, if she had, would anyone have believed her? It was her voice against all of theirs, and when she spent two weeks adding hers to the cruel chorus, why should anyone take her word?

And if she'd stayed there, if she'd ever, somehow, managed to get Todd to see her the way she always wanted... she wonders about that, too. About who he might be in private, about what's under his easy-going exterior. After Anson, it's hard not to wonder who people really are underneath, if she's always misjudged. It's hard to believe Todd's anything but what he seems, though, which is part of what always drew her to him, how genuine he seemed in the face of all the playacting and gossip that made up high school life.

"I hate that they get away with it," she says, reaching out a hand to rest sympathetically on Claire's back. She wishes so much she didn't understand, that she hadn't had to provoke those memories in the other girl, giving her all the more reason to be angry with herself for her misstep. This stupid rumor changed a lot in Ojai, but it wasn't supposed to change her, to be able to affect so much so far down the line. There's so much to it that angers her still, both with regards to the others and herself, but for the moment, she decides to skate clear of too many details. It's a difficult topic for both of them, and it's probably better, she thinks, to take it slowly until she can better gauge if Claire's really okay, when she's starting to guess maybe she should have been more understanding, that maybe the reason the blonde fixated so much on the possibility of her bottling it all up is because she's done the same. If that's the case, Olive hardly wants to make this about herself, but it's hard not to get a little worked up again.

"I just... it's not right. That anyone can just... say that and everyone believes it. That if guys don't get what they want, they can just tell everyone they did and... he gets slapped on the back and congratulated, and everyone just shoves you in a corner and calls you a whore. Or a skank. Among other... more colorful names. And it doesn't matter who they are or, you know, I mean, what they're really like, if they're - if they're popular enough or you aren't, well, forget anything you have to say."

[lucked]

Claire nods through the whole explanation, agreeing wholeheartedly, even as she finds herself unable to muster quite the same voice, afraid that she might push herself too far and let out details that she'd rather keep hidden away for the moment. Her eyes shut for a second, thinking of Zach, and she lets out a deep sigh. While she no longer holds all of the hurtful things Jackie said against her (because what use is there in holding a grudge against a memory, and one that more than redeemed itself in the end), still she finds herself thinking about Zach, about how difficult it must have been all those years, with practically every girl on cheer willing to rag on him about his sexuality. Zach never did say what his preferences were, not even to Claire, not even at the end. It didn't need defining, and he was comfortable with who he was, or so he said. But Claire believes him, and it makes her wish all the more that Zach could be here, that he could offer his own insight on dispelling rumors, or at least in ignoring them and standing fall in the process.

"Yeah, the difference between the response a guy gets for sex and the one that a girl gets is totally different, and so, so wrong," Claire agrees, shaking her head and feeling her jaw lock in frustration. "I don't know why there's that double standard, but you're right, like... I don't know, our quarterback was able to say so much about a ton of girls he knew, basically whichever ones weren't willing to 'put out' or whatever. And every time, not even other girls would help to defend each other from all of the lies and judgment. If anything, most of them just seemed to make it worse for each other."

Rubbing at her forehead, Claire brushes the strands over her ear, wetting her lips before deciding that maybe it's worth pushing just a moment more. Offering a warning that Olive must be familiar with already, but after everything, Claire finds that it's one she can't stress enough.

"Maybe, if we'd all been... you know, willing to stand up to the rumors and popularity contests, then we'd be forewarned against guys that are total skeeves," she adds, not even bothering to force her words into a lighter tone. "Fortunately, it doesn't seem to be a problem here that I know of, but even then, you never know. You never really know someone until you spend a lot of time with them."

[floozyfacade]

Olive nods, plucking at the towel under her. It's true, she knows it is, that it takes a while to know a person for who they really are; time's so often required to let defenses fall away and true colors show. But then, she thinks of Anson, and how little she really knew him, even though she's known him since kindergarten. She could rattle off a list of facts, for him or for nearly any of her classmates, shared experiences and memories, likes and dislikes and skills, but that, she's come to find, doesn't mean shit. It's not the same as knowing someone at all. And then some of the people she met that first afternoon here are among her closest friends now, bonds forged nearly at once. And Eduardo, God, Eduardo - she still doesn't know if it was just the circumstances that made her so receptive when she knew the smart thing to do would be to keep any man at bay, but she didn't need long to know him.

That's the trouble, in the end, she thinks, that people, for all that they're predictable, are so unbelievably complex and varied. That it's easy to guess at what a group will do, and sometimes to forget that that doesn't apply to a person alone.

She wants to say she didn't care about popularity, but it would be a lie, at least sort of. She didn't need to be popular, but some part of her has always craved attention, has always wanted to be seen. It was easily come by at home, but she's not alone in wanting it from her alleged peers, too. Her fault was in taking it however she could. Or maybe it was in caring about those people at all.

"Well, that's the thing," she says, "you never know. I mean, it's - you can't tell what someone is capable of, you know? Even people you think you really know, I mean, it's, when they're pushed to their limits or - or they get an opening or they misread the signs, we... you never really know. Even here. I don't know. Our circumstances changed, but we - you know, if stuff like that went down here, all the rumors and lies and gossip, I... I don't know if it would really be any different. I mean, it's a much more... liberal society than the one I lived in, but still. It's a small town. We know a lot about each other. Maybe not all of it's true."