Comes And Goes (In Waves)

[drownondryland]

It's not that things are looking up exactly. It's that they just aren't looking so persistently down, which, for Meredith, is very nearly the same thing.

Or maybe they are looking up, maybe she's just being cautious. After all, every time she's thought things were working out before, she's found a way to crash and burn and she can't this time. Not

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[justsookie]

When Sookie tries her best to take a step back and look at everything that she has or looks to accomplish these days, nothing's changed since those few months ago, when she found herself reelected to office. She's still looking to take classes, she still has shifts at the Winchester. She's still a proponent of welcoming people as they arrive on the island and paying the most attention to their needs; she's still working with Jason to get domes built for newer islanders to take temporary residence in, greater privacy than most rooms in the Compound afford. She's still Mitchell's girlfriend, and through that, has still managed to hold his circle of friends close to her heart, even if there have been a few shifts in the dynamic lately. All things considered, there's no reason for her to feel any less capable of handling it all than she did those few months ago.

And yet, there's a part of her that feels scared, and another that feels so very tired.

The emotions aren't easy to pin down, most days. Some turn out completely normal from sun up to sun down, mired in routine and with very few surprises (something she's been able to appreciate better these days than ever before). Other days, it's all Sookie can do to pull herself out of bed, where she lingers and clings to dreams of home, arms wrapping around a man who never quite seems to relax around her anymore.

Maybe that's just life.

Either way, in the precious few days she has left before school starts again, Sookie's been hanging around the Compound more than usual, enjoying all that it has to offer, lounging in chairs with books open on her lap, or even sitting by the jukebox and laughing quietly at its choice in tunes. She's on her way to the bookshelf again today when a familiar voice rings out, Sookie's face lighting up as she sees who it is, as she approaches and immediately tries to help look for that missing pen.

"No," she shakes her head, lips quirked in a lopsided grin. "Can't say that I stare at the ground very often, but- this it?" She stands straight, a pen held between her fingers.

[drownondryland]

It's a familiar voice that answers, and Meredith's quietly thankful for that. It's always better to do this kind of thing in front of someone she actually knows and likes than flail around on her hands and knees and come up to find a student there or a co-worker. Slipping out from under the table, she stands up, narrowly missing hitting her head, so she can look at the pen in Sookie's hand.

"That appears to be the one," she says cheerily, reaching for it. "They all look alike, so it might not be, but I'll take that chance. Hi. What are you up to?"

[justsookie]

Easily handing the pen over, Sookie doesn't need to think too deeply before she sinks into the seat next to Meredith. There are times when Sookie wonders if she's bothering people, if she's talking too much or burdening her friends far more than their due, but it's impossible to go through life without being able to rely on that select few, without bringing down the walls around a few people, at least. Meredith happens to be one of them, and already, she feels comforted in the other woman's presence, resting her chin against the heel of her palm with a curious sweep of her eyes over the paper.

"Oh, not much," she smiles, shaking her head. "Should be doing some stuff for the Council, but I've resolved to allow myself to kick back today until term starts. I can see that you, on the other hand, are totally hard at work and making me feel like a slacker."

[drownondryland]

"Please," Meredith says, grinning at her, "you work hard every day, Sookie. Much harder than I do, harder than a lot of people do. You've more than earned some time off to relax." She couldn't do all that Council stuff, she knows. Just being the clinic representative seems too administrative for her, and she's the head of the clinic which is all administration. Sookie, though, somehow manages to enfold it into everything else and keep her head above the water in a way Meredith has to admire, even if she's not always too vocal about it.

[justsookie]

"I also signed up for my job, and on an island where frankly, I don't have to lift a single finger for anyone else if I didn't want to, so I'm pretty sure that between all that, I've given up a lot of right to complain," Sookie points out with a wave of her hand- and for however flippant her voice is at the remark, she really does believe every word. Maybe she could've received a little more sympathy in her first term, signing up for a job that no amount of careful description could really accurately paint, but this time, it's all on her. In the beginning, she'd needed her job as much as anyone felt that they needed her, even the most mundane of paperwork at least keeping her mind busy and off of matters she couldn't control. "Besides, you know that that isn't true. You do a lot of work at the clinic, even on slow days, and that takes a whole lotta patience that I'm not sure I'd be able to muster up in myself."

[drownondryland]

"Well, that's my life," Meredith says. "I mean, I was practically raised in hospitals. It takes patience, yes, but it's not that difficult." Patience has never been her strong suit anyway, but that's hardly the point now. She's made it this far, and maybe that's proof things are changing, that she's learning to bide her time now she's older. God knows her relationship requires the patience of a saint, and when neither of them is anything approaching holy, it's a miracle they've made it like they have.

Anyway, Sookie has a point. They've signed up for this. She doesn't regret that, though, and she's pretty sure Sookie doesn't either. "Except when we've had some kind of crisis, then the paperwork's a nightmare."

[justsookie]

"I... I honestly can't even imagine, Mere, so I know that you're used to your life, like I'm adjusting to mine, but every time I try to think of what it must have been like to work in a hospital, my mind just comes up blank. I'd never really even been to a hospital, never stayed overnight before I was here on the island, and I am definitely not under the impression that our clinic, however well it's staffed, is anything like a full-blown hospital," Sookie ponders, leaning forward with a fond smile, although sobered. Any mention of crises just seems to pull her back to Dallas, to the screams that came at her from every which side in that hotel after the bombing. And remembering that the same almost happened on the island itself doesn't seem to help her nerves in the slightest.

"I guess I was a pretty healthy child. And then later on, when vampires came out of the woodwork, I just... kept clear as well as I could of hospitals altogether. Like being around vampires was enough death in itself, I guess."

[drownondryland]

"Makes sense," Meredith says. "And you're lucky, being so healthy. But it's..." She bites her lip, shrugging as she thinks about this, trying to figure out how to say what she wants to say. "I know it means death for a lot of people. Sickness, disease. People see them as difficult places. Depressing. For me, it's just home." The other side of the coin, after all, is healing people, fixing them, saving them. To her, it's as optimistic as it's possible to be, but then, her definitions have always been a little different from everyone else's.

She laughs, shaking her head. "I was a very healthy child. If there was one arena in which my mother was attentive, it was my health."

[justsookie]

Her eyes close, but even in that action, Sookie resolves not to let herself bend, even as she feels herself rushing through the halls and rooms of her home once more, aged yellow paint and all, lace doilies, worn piano keys. And then that span of floor in the kitchen, never feeling quite clean to her hands, accompanied always with the splash of water in the shell of her ear. Death isn't home to Sookie, but home always bears death now, a fact that Sookie does her best to try and forget. Blinking her eyes open, having none of it within sight makes it easier to hide away, until she next has time to herself, to pray, to ache, to miss her gran with every fiber of her being.

"I guess it's better to be able to accept it as part of... life. And then, if people scrape their way on by, it's even more of blessin', isn't it?"

[drownondryland]

"It is," Meredith agrees, smiling to herself. "As scary as it can be, that's what it's really about - what we can fix. Who we can save." There will always be those beyond their ability to help, but they have to focus on the next patient, the next person they can help. The losses are a part of it, a tough one always, but they're so far from being the point. Here maybe that's less of an issue, they have far more in the way of minor injuries and fewer deaths, but it's still the goal - correcting what they can of what goes wrong.

[justsookie]

While in her mind, Sookie might dwell on this kind of thing for ages, there's something about having a friend there that makes it uncomfortable. Like she ought to be focusing on the good, rather than the bad, especially when there's simply so much of the former to be had. It becomes easier and easier to forget as the weeks pass by, but there are times when Sookie sits herself down and goes through every little detail that she remembers of the Bon Temps that she left, and... it's better here. It's not enough to convince her to stay forever, should she ever have the choice, but the lesson of gran's that sticks the best is the one that tells her to seize the day, any day, because it'll only ever happen by once.

To live, she can't be too hung up about death.

So she shakes her head, dispelling the thought. "All talk of saving aside, though," she begins, hoping Meredith will forgive her the quick turnaround. "Please tell me that your notes aren't clinic-related. Because seriously, you've got enough hours in the office as is."

[drownondryland]

"Oh, these?" Meredith glances down at her papers as if she's already forgotten that they're there, let alone what's on them. "No, no," she says, "I promise they aren't. They're for my classes. School's about to start again." Teaching is hardly something she expected to take on regularly, but now that she's got the courses, she's grateful for their return. Just having people to teach allows her to feel she's accomplishing something, and it helps fill the long hours. She's felt the absence all summer, when she's badly needed distraction from how things got for a while there.

[justsookie]

Sookie's lips part with the sudden realization, and she slowly nods her head in understanding. More from an outsider's perspective than anything else, however. While Sookie does imagine that teaching must be gratifying in its own right, she also knows what it's like to try and teach her brother, and that effort in itself is enough to have Sookie dropping her forehead against a wall in frustration. Having to then tend to multiple people's specific learning needs is something that Sookie can't really fathom, although she's glad that there are so many people on the island willing to help out in that respect.

"I'm not sure that's much more relaxing, from my point of view," she laughs, rubbing at the back of her neck. "Although I gotta admit, I'm looking forward to school starting again, myself. Was thinking about taking human anatomy, actually. But less classes on the whole than last semester. Or at least, less that try to have a waitress like me understand the tiniest details about law."

[drownondryland]

"A waitress and Councilwoman," Meredith points out with a grin. She, at least, is proud of Sookie for having accomplished that, though with the other woman's passion, insight and dedication, it's hardly a surprise people can see what a good choice she is for the job. "But that would be great, you should. It's worth learning."

She's always excited to have more people sign on for the course. While she's not one for taking them herself, teaching is working out surprisingly well for her. First Aid tends to be more popular, since it appeals to people who aren't science types as well, and while she's thankful for the students, it's nice to think anatomy might see more people this term.

[justsookie]

"Anyone can be a Councilwoman here," Sookie replies in turn, and although the statement isn't one happily given, it's also delivered with an experienced air. If there's anything that Sookie trusts this island to enable others for, it's the chance to do or involve oneself in things that they couldn't have in their worlds. The chance to experience that ground up journey again, to choose whatever occupation one wants, to take whatever classes that appeal. But it also dampens her accomplishments a little.

First, with the knowledge that she might have been able to do so much more, had she never been born with her ability.

But second, each election reminding her of the fact that she isn't especially special, that so many people on the island would be able to add to the Council, had they the will to do so.

"Which is not to say that I'm not proud, but... still don't think law's naturally my thing," she smiles, slightly sheepish. "Of course, anatomy's a bit... out of my league, too, but I figure I might earn a few points for effort."

[drownondryland]

"Definitely points for effort," Meredith agrees with a smile. "I'm glad to see you take an interest. Even if it's not your thing, it's knowledge worth having." It certainly helps in times of crisis. Already she knows Sookie can be level-headed in times of trouble if she needs to be, which isn't actually something a lot of people can say, and so having her prepared for emergencies seems that much more important. She might actually be able to do something if help is needed, something more than her administrative capacity alone would allow.

"Are you going to run again in November?"