(no subject)
When she put her mind to it, Olivia could do just about anything she wanted to.
Before Fringe division, that had mainly amounted to building her career and being the best FBI agent she could be. After Fringe, that was still her goal, but her worldview began to expand to the point where it was almost painful. Every case began to build on itself until she was discovering things about her childhood she'd never remembered, she was kidnapped, brainwashed, had her heart broken. She'd ended up on Tabula Rasa.
And then, just when she thought she had a handle on her emotions and was moving on, the last weekend happened, and she remembered everything.
She'd forgotten about the trust she'd had in Walter, she'd forgotten what he'd done to her and for her, she'd forgotten all about the other friends she'd made, she'd forgotten Nick and one of the most important friendships she'd made, even though they lost touch. Thinking about their reunion, how she'd had no idea who he was, what his death would mean to her...she'd spent an entire morning grieving him the way she should have the first time.
Worst of all, she'd forgotten about Peter. But thinking about him only made the vice around her heart tighten, and she decided trying to forget again would be better than remembering what he'd done for her.
Somehow, whatever ran this island seemed determined to break down every emotional wall she'd managed to build up in the last few months, and for a few days it had worked.
Olivia had packed a bag early every morning and went hiking, walking paths others rarely walked. She'd left a note in her room every morning and made sure to check in with Walter whenever she got back after sunset, but apart from that, she'd kept to herself. It made her eventual breakdown a little easier to bear when the threat of someone finding her was improbable. After that, it was mostly her pride she'd had to swallow. Remembering her conversations and interactions with others -- how naive and open she'd been -- made her all that more reluctant to face them again, but eventually, Olivia knew she'd have to.
She'd hiked back down the mountain and was approaching the compound before the sun had completely set, and Olivia was exhausted. Isolation was nothing new to her, but it drained her more than she'd realized, and while she kept to herself back in Boston, she'd still had work and Rachel and Ella. Here, she just had Walter, and while she was grateful for his presence, he wasn't enough. Kate, Cal, Steve...they'd all experienced a part of her she wasn't sure she wanted to dredge back up. Maybe with others that may have made them friends, but it only left Olivia feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed.
Her hair was falling out of her ponytail and into her face, her skin was a little pink, the sweat in her clothes was slowly chilling with the dropping temperature and the closer she got to the compound, the heavier her backpack felt. But when she finally hit the familiar cluster of buildings she was slowly beginning to consider home, Olivia turned into the Hub instead of the compound.
She needed a drink, and while there were still bits of her pride in tatters, she was tired of being alone.
Before Fringe division, that had mainly amounted to building her career and being the best FBI agent she could be. After Fringe, that was still her goal, but her worldview began to expand to the point where it was almost painful. Every case began to build on itself until she was discovering things about her childhood she'd never remembered, she was kidnapped, brainwashed, had her heart broken. She'd ended up on Tabula Rasa.
And then, just when she thought she had a handle on her emotions and was moving on, the last weekend happened, and she remembered everything.
She'd forgotten about the trust she'd had in Walter, she'd forgotten what he'd done to her and for her, she'd forgotten all about the other friends she'd made, she'd forgotten Nick and one of the most important friendships she'd made, even though they lost touch. Thinking about their reunion, how she'd had no idea who he was, what his death would mean to her...she'd spent an entire morning grieving him the way she should have the first time.
Worst of all, she'd forgotten about Peter. But thinking about him only made the vice around her heart tighten, and she decided trying to forget again would be better than remembering what he'd done for her.
Somehow, whatever ran this island seemed determined to break down every emotional wall she'd managed to build up in the last few months, and for a few days it had worked.
Olivia had packed a bag early every morning and went hiking, walking paths others rarely walked. She'd left a note in her room every morning and made sure to check in with Walter whenever she got back after sunset, but apart from that, she'd kept to herself. It made her eventual breakdown a little easier to bear when the threat of someone finding her was improbable. After that, it was mostly her pride she'd had to swallow. Remembering her conversations and interactions with others -- how naive and open she'd been -- made her all that more reluctant to face them again, but eventually, Olivia knew she'd have to.
She'd hiked back down the mountain and was approaching the compound before the sun had completely set, and Olivia was exhausted. Isolation was nothing new to her, but it drained her more than she'd realized, and while she kept to herself back in Boston, she'd still had work and Rachel and Ella. Here, she just had Walter, and while she was grateful for his presence, he wasn't enough. Kate, Cal, Steve...they'd all experienced a part of her she wasn't sure she wanted to dredge back up. Maybe with others that may have made them friends, but it only left Olivia feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed.
Her hair was falling out of her ponytail and into her face, her skin was a little pink, the sweat in her clothes was slowly chilling with the dropping temperature and the closer she got to the compound, the heavier her backpack felt. But when she finally hit the familiar cluster of buildings she was slowly beginning to consider home, Olivia turned into the Hub instead of the compound.
She needed a drink, and while there were still bits of her pride in tatters, she was tired of being alone.