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[onlyforthedream]

There are a lot of neat contraptions in the island compound. There's something that makes all the rooms cool at the same time, so much so that I had to go downstairs to the box people told me about to find a sweatshirt, like what boxers wear when they're practicing. It's grey and too big but it keeps me warm when I'm in the compound rooms too long

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[odunham]

Olivia had been enjoying the last couple of days, learning about the grown up version of herself by the stuff in her room, amazed at pictures of herself. Soon she'd be that woman, and she wouldn't have to walk around scared, or with painful black eyes she had to make excuses for ever again.

It was a thought that kept her upbeat through the weekend, even when she felt a little lonely exploring the island (when she wasn't in the lab with Doctor Walter, of course) on her own. She wandered different paths each day, using a map the older her had kept in a backpack in her room, and it was going down one of the newer paths that she saw the kid.

He didn't look much older than her -- he reminded her of Nick, in fact, and Olivia didn't think twice. She ran over, concern on her face as she approached the kid.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" She looked all over him, surprised by how skinny he was, looking for injuries or anything else. "What's happening? Can you breathe?"

[onlyforthedream]

I'm being asked questions, and it's hard to understand them. I shake my head at the last one, wheezing instead of answer, and slide down the tree a little. It hurts as bad as it ever have. I always forget, you know? What it's like until it's happening again.

[odunham]

Annie had collapsed in their classroom once when they were having lunch, and she'd been trying to breathe but couldn't, the way he was -- but Miss Ashley had run and gotten a fancy looking needle pen thing, and that had been that. Olivia had nothing in her pink backpack to help, but dropped down beside him, wanting to anyway.

"Um, try to relax," she remembered Miss Carla saying to Annie before Miss Ashley had shown up. She took one of his hands into both of hers, surprised at how cold they felt. Maybe that's why he had a sweatshirt on, even though it was hot enough outside to sweat just from standing in the sun. "Are you hot? Should we take your sweatshirt off? Maybe that'll help you breathe."

[onlyforthedream]

I am trying, but I'm not doing a very good job. I shake my head a little, as much as I can. The sweatshirt isn't making this happen, I'm making this happen. Just like the doctors said, it's my job to make it not happen. I wish it wasn't so hard though. I curl over a little, the pressure in my chest pulling at me something awful.

[odunham]

Olivia started to panic a little, but this was sort of like the times Nick got scared. She knew the best thing to do was hold his hand and try not to get scared herself, because then she wouldn't be able to help at all.

"I'm sorry it hurts," she said, still holding his hand. "You have to...you have to think of things that calm you down. Like before I got here, I did something really scary, and I ran away from everyone. There's a field near my house where white tulips grow, and I like to sit there and pretend. So when I get scared, I think of all the tulips in the field and it helps me calm down."

[onlyforthedream]

I hold tight to her hand. The things she's saying, about the tulips and all that, it does sort of help. I imagine them- not that I've ever seen a field of tulips, but I bet it's like something out of a movie and I can kind of see it, although for some reason behind my eyelids it's in black and white.

I stay curled up on my side, holding her hand, willing my lungs to release, to please, please just let go and then they do. A gust of breath expels itself from my through and then the coughing and the wheezing starts, but at least there's air.

[odunham]

She was hoping so hard for him to breathe again, that when he finally did and started coughing, Olivia sniffed hard, swallowing past the painful scratch in her throat that meant she was going to cry. She hated that feeling and fought against it, hoping he didn't see. This wasn't about her at all.

Still holding on to his hand with hers, she rubbed his back with her other hand, waiting for him to get his breath back.

[onlyforthedream]

After a minute of catching my breath, once the coughing's petered off some, I look up at the little girl and can't help but notice she looks pretty upset. I squeeze her hand and sit up, a little raggedly, leaning back against a tree.

"Thuh, thank you," I tell her.

"I'm okay now, ruh, really."

[odunham]

"Okay," Olivia said, squeezing his hand back. She wasn't sure what to do now that he was okay, so she crossed her legs and kept her hand in his, feeling the way she did whenever Nick needed her to be strong for him.

"I'm glad you're okay. That was pretty scary."

[onlyforthedream]

"I know," I say quietly, "I'm sorry. It hasn't happened in a while and I was running to look for my fuh- friend and I just kinda... forgot. I always get out of it, except once or twice a doctor had to help, but. Anyway."

I duck my head a little to smile at her, even though it's probably a tired, kinda sorry excuse for one.

"Thank you for helping me. You really did."

[odunham]

"You're welcome," she replied, smiling shyly in return. Olivia knew she was nothing like Peter, who'd found her and made her believe that things might be better if she wanted them to be, but she was happy to help in any way. "How come you don't have an inhaler, or other medicine? Did you wake up here by yourself too?"

[onlyforthedream]

"I don't know what an inhaler is," I tell her, "but the doctors at home said this is a... psycho-somatic illness. It's all in my head, so I shouldn't take medicine for it. I just have to stop letting myself have the episodes and then they'll go away."

Which is a little strange, since that one time they rubbed the morphine smelling stuff on my chest it helped, and the other time when they gave me a shot, that helped. But I guess if your brain is sick, and your brain thinks the medicine works, then it'll make your body stop acting like there's anything wrong.

[odunham]

Doctor Walter talked all the time about how the mind was a powerful thing, and most of his experiments with them involved a lot of thinking and concentrating, most of which she never had the patience for. But she didn't understand why a doctor would tell him it was all in his head when he so obviously couldn't breathe.

"They're wrong," she informed him, wondering if he was from some place different, or from a different place in time. She'd looked at the calendar in the big compound building and it said 2011, so who knew. "Where are you from?"

[onlyforthedream]

I blink at her. Feeling suddenly a little self conscious about when and where I'm from, I rub my face with the back of my hand for a minute, still focusing on my breathing.

"Brooklyn, New York," I tell her, then add, "1933."

[odunham]

"Wow." Olivia's eyes widened in surprise, and she suddenly understood. There was barely even any good medicine back then. "I'm from 1985, but I saw a calendar that said it was 2011. It's really, really weird."

[onlyforthedream]

"It's kind of confusing," I agree quietly, coughing a little, then carefully slowing my breath down again.

"All I really know is, I haven't met anyone yet who's from before me, only after." I smile a little ruefully.

"Kinda feel like I start out way behind every time I talk to someone."