(Untitled)

[prodigaljaybird]

He wonders if it’s meant to be a kindness that his little brother would disappear on the same day the Little Sisters start dying. The ache of one blow balanced by another, the pain of each so separate and complete that Jason can choose between one moment and the next which will hurt him - it seems exactly the kind of fucked up stunt the island

Comments

[onlyapassenger]

"Who are you trying to convince

[prodigaljaybird]

It should be ridiculous, Bucky appearing from the trees, but after years of capes popping out from every Gotham alley, rooftop and gargoyle, Jason doesn't even blink.

"Hey," he returns, eyes passing to the hand on his shoulder like he can't figure out why it's there. It's rare that anyone touches him but Lux, rarer still that it'd be Bucky, and after a moment Jason shrugs. He hasn't done anything yet, and that might be because nothing can make this better or because Jason's not yet been stretched to snapping, but either way it feels like he owes Bucky an explanation. "Tim's gone."

[onlyapassenger]

Bucky sucks in a breath, letting it out slowly; he doesn't ask for clarification. Gone has a very specific set of connotations when it comes to life on Tabula Rasa, and Jason's overall demeanor serves only to confirm what's obvious. Nodding after a moment, Bucky lets his hand fall back down to his side. He wants to offer an apology, but he doesn't think Jason will take to it all that well, and so he remains silent a beat longer, trying to come up with an alternative.

"You wanna get out of here?"

[prodigaljaybird]

He doesn't. He doesn't seem to want anything at all, actually. Now that the worst of the labor is over, Jason's limbs feel dull and heavy, the ache that should be there as muted as his sluggish thoughts.

"There's nowhere to go," he says, relishing the tiny stab of pain that cuts through the fog in his head. No matter where he goes, what he does, how happy he tries to act, Tim's still gone. What's the point in relocating?

[onlyapassenger]

"No, but there are other things to do," Bucky replies, shelving his own anger towards this place for the time being, because this isn't about him, even if he's going to be one of the few to pick up the pieces.

[prodigaljaybird]

"There's still the markers," says Jason, and maybe it's the power of suggestion but all at once he does want to go, the dirt and sweat on his skin suddenly suffocating. He casts an anxious look towards Natalia, but she's already lifting the last few markers from the ground, her head nodding as if to say she would take care of it.

"Okay," Jason breathes, adding what they both know when he jerks forward and away from the graves. "They were just kids. They didn't even know how bad they had it."

[onlyapassenger]

"They never do," says Bucky, taking the lead when Jason starts to move, wondering if it's better he keeps the kid from thinking too much while the shock of grief gives way to something else -- anger, depression. He'd place money on the first, but Jason can still surprise him at times, and Bucky doesn't know which path will prove more tempting in the end.

"Have you eaten?"

[prodigaljaybird]

Jason shakes his head. He's more thirsty than he is hungry, but there's a tremor in his muscles that speaks of more than exhaustion, and he can't recall eating since yesterday.

"It's stupid, isn't it?" Jason asks, and true to form, he doesn't really know what he's going to say until he says it, words tumbling up from his heart and right out of his mouth. "Having kids here. It's not any better than having a family at home, people still die, kids still die. Lux thought she was pregnant, and I thought - I got all these clothes, for a whole month I was just getting clothes, and I was so happy, finally getting a family, you know? But it was stupid." Jason's blank expression feels like it's melting right off, replaced by an older grief that's not yet grown stale. He looks at Bucky, looks right at him, because for once he wants to see it, confirmation that he's been foolish.

"I was so fucking stupid."

[onlyapassenger]

The information comes pouring out of Jason's mouth with a speed and a volume that Bucky can't quite keep up with, his mind scrambling to find purchase on some lone detail to make sense of everything it's just been told: Lux and a pregnancy scare, baby clothes, family. A part of him wonders how Jason managed to keep that in for as long as he did, is almost impressed by it, but Bucky summarily dismisses the thought to focus on the problem at hand, schooling his expression from one of surprise to something more appropriate for the situation.

"No," he says evenly, returning Jason the favor of looking him in the eye. "You were young. There's a difference. But Jason--" He stops, voice catching in his throat, but then forces himself to spit it out, because the kid needs to hear it, and that's more important right now than anything else. "You have a family. Not in blood, maybe, but in everything else that counts."