(Untitled)

[little_moons]

If you're reading this, I'm probably not around anymore...There's dirt under my nails. I don't know a fuckin' thing about gardening, but I don't have it in me to let his flowers die. It seems like a part of him, one of the only parts any of us have left, his ashes scattered in the dirt under the cascading blue bells and morning glories, the new,

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[knowthyexits]

Sarah doesn't want to go home. Going home means worrying about whether or not George is going to have results for her and she can't deal with another night spent obsessing about something she can't change. So when her shift is done, she lingers at the bar of the Winchester, aware that Neil is there as well. And because it's easier to convince herself to stay if she's having a conversation, she slides over just one more stool.

"How long have you been sitting here, Neil?" she asks quietly.

[little_moons]

"Three days," I mutter dryly, giving her a look as I lean over to stub out the last burning nub of the joint.

"I dunno, an hour, maybe. Not long."

[knowthyexits]

She doesn't want to give him advice. She would hate it if she were in his shoes. All she can do, though, is be present. "I went through this once," she says quietly. "And I know I can't say anything. So, do you want to drink?" she offers, giving him a very serious look. "I am good at repressing bad shit and I could use the company and no offense, but you look like you could too."

[little_moons]

"Yeah, fine, but I'm already way ahead of you," I point out, knocking back the last of my drink and tipping my empty glass toward her.

"You're gonna have to catch up."

[knowthyexits]

"That, I'll try," she says, but when she leans over the bar, she only goes for a glass of water. She's been hyperactively worried about her health and contributing alcohol to her diet will do no good. "Have you taken a day off in a while, Neil?"

[little_moons]

"That's kinda manipulative, don't you think?" I point out, offering her a crooked smirk, sounding more amused than offended, "Offerin' to share a drink and then goin' for water?"

To that question, I shrug, running the tip of my finger along the rim of my glass, "I'm not workin' too hard, alright? I'm not even workin' now. I'm on the wrong side of the fuckin' bar, for that."

[knowthyexits]

"I have circumstances," is all she says, not wanting to go deeper than that. She's not going to tell Neil about her tests because she wants to work, regardless of how they come up, and she remembers what happened after the junkyard. "You know what? I think that if you want to work, you work. I would do the same."

She has done the same. "But I know you have those girls at home," Sarah continues, sounding pained. "And they probably miss you so badly. And so maybe I'm not telling you that you should go home. I'm just saying that if I were alone, suddenly, and with children, suddenly..."

She presses her lips together firmly.

"I don't know, that's just me," she trails off.

[little_moons]

"Sarah, I-- Look, I appreciate it, but I just saw my kids a couple hours ago, and I'll see 'em again when I go home. They haven't had time to miss me, yet. Anyway, it's better if we spend time away from 'em, you know? It's the only way they'll know that when go out for a few hours, we're not disappearin' forever," I admit, 'cause it's been kind of a problem lately. It started with Mike, but Abby leavin' was just the last straw. And spending every waking moment with them isn't the way to reteach them that when we leave, we'll be comin' back.

"I'm not workin', tonight. We'll have dinner, the four of us. The same way we always try to."

[knowthyexits]

Sarah smiles and it's raw and tender. "Good," she says, reaching over to give his hand an awkward, too-brief squeeze, not sure she knows what to say about this. "If it was my home, we'd need someone who can cook. I'm," she flashes a tight smile, clearly at ends to figure out how to do this, "I'm not good at it. At all."