(Untitled)

[thewordofweb]

I had found the book months ago, but I'd yet to crack open the yellow-tinged pages of it in order to read the information inside. It had been like a Christmas gift from a morbid donor, some hint at what my future days might hold in terms of ambition and drive. And no, this is not my war memoir, but rather my true passion before me. I've started the

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[plntfood]

There weren't a lot of movies that Mathias knew well, but he liked Jaws and he grinned a little as he came into the rec room and saw that it was playing. The grin disappeared when he saw Webster, though, and he came over to sit down beside him. "You're watching Jaws?" he asks a little warily, remembering what Webster has told him about the boat.

[thewordofweb]

"Trisha recommended it to me. Said it would change the way I viewed sharks, that I would forever be scared of swimming with them," I announce, as though an obituary in a newspaper hadn't already done that. "As far as I can tell, though, this is just gross exaggeration and gruesome scenes to fulfill the role of a homicidal maniac in a horror movie."

[plntfood]

"I liked it the first time I saw it," Mathias remembers, but he doesn't know anything about sharks, really, and doesn't know how accurate it really is. "Why don't you turn it off it it isn't to your tastes?" Of course, he isn't sure if that's the case either, but if Webster feels so strongly about it, it can't be good.

[thewordofweb]

"Because I still love sharks," I admit with a hint of a boyish grin. And maybe there's a part of me that wants to see more of it for the majesty of the animal. The facts may be wrong, but the movements, the grace of its swimming when it's not some robotic creation, that's what's keeping me watching.

[plntfood]

"You could probably find a documentary that might service that love a bit better," Mathias says, stumbling over the correct words in English, forgetting that he can slip into German with Webster. He grins and says, "You know what I mean."

[thewordofweb]

I shrug idly as I settle back into the couch and lift up the book I've been reading. "This is documentary enough for me," I reply, happy to switch to German. Now that I've had constant practice with Joe, I'm as close to fluent as I'm ever going to get. "Besides, Joe doesn't like me and sharks being together, so if I lined up documentaries for the next week, he might be upset."

[plntfood]

Mathias understands why Joe might be upset and he nods, then looks at the book. "What is it?" he asks curiously, wondering if it's simply a book about sharks or something more. Too often on this island, the book or movie someone finds is something more.

[thewordofweb]

"One of my books." I say it with pride as I hold it up for him to read. The picture on the front looks far more gruesome than it ought to be. "I start a chapter with a quote from Alice in Wonderland," I note with wonder. "It's...it's exactly like I'd planned to do."

[plntfood]

"You wrote it?" Mathias asks, his eyebrows lifting curiously as he glances over. "Could I read it?" He understands if perhaps Webster doesn't feel comfortable sharing, but he thinks he'd still likes to read it. It's not every day he gets an opportunity to read a book a friend of his has written.

[thewordofweb]

I don't really see much point in taking the book and locking it away permanently. It's there for everyone to see and my denial of such a thing isn't going to stop that. "Sure," I agree. "I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be keeping a copy where Joe can find it, anyway." The first pages, the prologue, are about me. My childhood, my life, my death -- all told from the perspective of a wife I've never known.

[plntfood]

"You wouldn't mind?" Mathias asks, just to be sure. It's a personal thing, he would understand if it's not okay. "If there's any part you don't want me to read, I can skip over it. I just don't know anyone else who has written a book."

[thewordofweb]

"There's not really so much about my personal life in this one," I admit, because if Mathias thinks I'm being incredibly generous, I'm really not. "If you want stories about my childhood and my inner thoughts, you have to read my memoirs on the war. That's what has them."

[plntfood]

"Which I would not if you told me you didn't want me to," Mathias answers easily, knowing how unsettling it would be to know someone had watched the movie that his life has been turned into. "It's a strange situation, something like that."

[thewordofweb]

"I think I'm going to stay on the side that tells me that it's a huge honor to actually have been published several times over in different fields," I say, which is the honest truth of the situation. "I mean, one's a war memoir and the other is facts about sharks. And there are articles too. It's...well, it's not so bad."

[plntfood]

"If it's what you've wanted, there's definitely nothing so bad about it," Mathias agrees, knowing that if he one day found out he was successful in his field, he'd be very proud. In fact, if he one day finds out he's still alive, that will be enough for him.

[thewordofweb]

"I got published and died young. Too bad I didn't leave a pretty corpse." It's morbid humor, to be sure, but I can't exactly bring myself to care too much. I doubt it'll happen here and if it does, I've got years to go. Years to go with Joe, even.