Some days she still wakes up and feels the need to run, to push herself, to sweat and know that, somehow, she's achieving something. She runs with her head down, her eye left in the drawer in the bedroom, so the lid is sunken in on itself a little. She's not self-concious about Babe seeing it anymore. She is self-concious about the realisation that she's not worried about him knowing anything about her anymore.
Strange days.
When she sees a familiar figure ahead of her on the sand she speeds up. She's got a bone to pick with Alice - other than ITF, she hasn't really seen her mate since John Sheppherd left. And the fact that John looked a lot like Brendan bloody Dean is not lost on her.
"Hey!" she calls, closing the distance between them. "Don't make me fucking catch you, Alice."
Alice wouldn't have stopped for anyone else, but it was Eden. She halted, feet sinking in the warm sand, and waited for her to draw up beside her before she spoke.
"Looks like you caught me anyway," she said. "What's up?"
She tried to muster some enthusiasm or at least a smile, and failed miserably. The twitch of her lips was definitely half-assed, but at least it was an attempt.
Again, anyone else, and she might not have bothered.
"My best friend seems to have up and bloody wandered off," says Eden, trying not to sound too out of breath. She doesn't run as much as she used to. "Don't know if you've seen her. Little bit taller than me. Blond. Great tits. Real pain in my bloody arse."
I miss you. She's not going to bloody say it, but it's there.
"I didn't mean it like that," says Eden, quietly. "I mean we can't just go wandering off when the are people who care about us. No matter how fucking appealing that might be."
Fuck it, Eden doesn't even know what she means anymore. She's starting to wonder why the fuck she stopped in the first place. She shoves her sweaty hair back from her face.
"You can hide from the whole island if you want," she says, finally, half turned to continue running. "Just don't think you can fucking hide from me."
Alice took a step towards her, half-lifting a hand before lowering it slowly, her expression twisted.
"It hurt," she said, after a second or two. "It hurt more than I expected when he disappeared. I'm tired of it hurting, every single time. I guess I was naive to think it wouldn't happen here."
"Some nights, I lie awake and pray that it's not you or Davos or, Jesus bloody Christ, Babe," she says, hanging her head to let her hair fall forward. She wonders what happened since Norton died to make her so bloody soft.
"It's supposed to hurt, Alice. That's how you keep track of who fucking mattered the most. Brendan? Still bloody hurts and it's been months."
Alice still thought about Carlos. Moreso now that John was gone, too, but with Carlos there'd been no point because he was dead. John...it was different, but it was still painful. And probably just as pointless, when it came down to it.
"I wish I could forget again," Alice said quietly. "I woke up one day in the shower and didn't remember a fucking thing from my life before that. It's still a blank in places." Mostly the places Umbrella fucked with. "I wish I could pick and choose the things I don't remember."
She sighed and tilted her head back, staring at the sky. "Too bad wishing never got anyone anywhere."
Strange days.
When she sees a familiar figure ahead of her on the sand she speeds up. She's got a bone to pick with Alice - other than ITF, she hasn't really seen her mate since John Sheppherd left. And the fact that John looked a lot like Brendan bloody Dean is not lost on her.
"Hey!" she calls, closing the distance between them. "Don't make me fucking catch you, Alice."
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"Looks like you caught me anyway," she said. "What's up?"
She tried to muster some enthusiasm or at least a smile, and failed miserably. The twitch of her lips was definitely half-assed, but at least it was an attempt.
Again, anyone else, and she might not have bothered.
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I miss you.
She's not going to bloody say it, but it's there.
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If anyone could cheer her up with such a blatant lie as that, it was Eden. Alice found that the next smile was a little easier than the first one.
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Still, Alice is smiling and that means Eden can relax a little bit.
"Where the fuck did you go?"
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In case more of them disappeared on her.
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She shakes her head, jaw tightening.
"It's not...You can't just fucking disappear on me, Alice."
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It was a lame joke, especially since the golf clubs in the corner definitely didn't count as redecorating.
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Go and live in the jungle, probably.
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Fuck it, Eden doesn't even know what she means anymore. She's starting to wonder why the fuck she stopped in the first place. She shoves her sweaty hair back from her face.
"You can hide from the whole island if you want," she says, finally, half turned to continue running. "Just don't think you can fucking hide from me."
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"It hurt," she said, after a second or two. "It hurt more than I expected when he disappeared. I'm tired of it hurting, every single time. I guess I was naive to think it wouldn't happen here."
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"It's supposed to hurt, Alice. That's how you keep track of who fucking mattered the most. Brendan? Still bloody hurts and it's been months."
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"I know," she said, when she glanced back to Eden. "John sure as hell wouldn't want me to sit around moping about it. But I hate feeling helpless."
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Eden's fingers graze against the sunken skin of her eyelid. There's an irritation she can't get at.
"Sometime, I watch myself realising that I haven't thought about Brendan in a while and then it's bloody days before I can stop."
And Norton. And her Mum.
"Babe's the same."
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"I wish I could forget again," Alice said quietly. "I woke up one day in the shower and didn't remember a fucking thing from my life before that. It's still a blank in places." Mostly the places Umbrella fucked with. "I wish I could pick and choose the things I don't remember."
She sighed and tilted her head back, staring at the sky. "Too bad wishing never got anyone anywhere."
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