"I have womanly hips."
Okay, so Stephen was going to hurt someone soon. Possibly himself.
Ever since the other day when stupid Joey said Stephen's ears had gained weight and then suggested that maybe it was his hips that were bigger...well, Stephen couldn't take criticism very well. Every time he passed a mirror, he paused to turn this way and that, wondering if somehow Joey was right.
Just the thought of that was making his self-confidence go downhill. Rapidly.
Maybe he was gaining weight! Which, shouldn't that be impossible on the island anyway? There was nothing like ice cream (other than Del's) and Doritos and marshmallow cream and high-fructose corn syrup... All the good things in life. There was just a bunch of healthy stuff, and yeah, there were tons of it but it was all supposedly good for you, right?
It was enough to make a guy sick.
Sure, most of it was pretty tasty, but it was still annoying! Especially on a day with nothing else to offend him, so what other choice did he have but to hate on the food supply?
So anyway, all this stuff kept happening recently. First the Joey thing, then the clothing box started giving him clothes that were really nice but two sizes too big. Like it was trying to hint at something. Then, out of nowhere, Frank came along and asked Stephen if he wanted to go running with him.
Running! Stephen had never been so insulted!
And now there he was in the rec room, minding his own business (for once) and trying desperately to both find a book he could burn and ignore how the juke box was playing that stupid Weird Al song, Eat It.
The bookshelf kept spitting weight loss books at him. He knew reading was evil, and this just proved it, though he would get satisfaction from the bonfire they would cause. Stephen tossed each one over his shoulder, getting more and more upset. And oh God, did his belt fit a little tighter?
Then, instead of a book, he pulled out a folded piece of paper with a really familiar emblem on the front. He frowned and opened it.
Just as he gasped in horror, the music changed.
"I am not fat!!" he yelled, and crumpled the paper up to throw at the juke box.
(the note is Top Secret. yep. the logo on the front is from Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen, his Gary-Stu totally original sci-fi creation.)
Ever since the other day when stupid Joey said Stephen's ears had gained weight and then suggested that maybe it was his hips that were bigger...well, Stephen couldn't take criticism very well. Every time he passed a mirror, he paused to turn this way and that, wondering if somehow Joey was right.
Just the thought of that was making his self-confidence go downhill. Rapidly.
Maybe he was gaining weight! Which, shouldn't that be impossible on the island anyway? There was nothing like ice cream (other than Del's) and Doritos and marshmallow cream and high-fructose corn syrup... All the good things in life. There was just a bunch of healthy stuff, and yeah, there were tons of it but it was all supposedly good for you, right?
It was enough to make a guy sick.
Sure, most of it was pretty tasty, but it was still annoying! Especially on a day with nothing else to offend him, so what other choice did he have but to hate on the food supply?
So anyway, all this stuff kept happening recently. First the Joey thing, then the clothing box started giving him clothes that were really nice but two sizes too big. Like it was trying to hint at something. Then, out of nowhere, Frank came along and asked Stephen if he wanted to go running with him.
Running! Stephen had never been so insulted!
And now there he was in the rec room, minding his own business (for once) and trying desperately to both find a book he could burn and ignore how the juke box was playing that stupid Weird Al song, Eat It.
The bookshelf kept spitting weight loss books at him. He knew reading was evil, and this just proved it, though he would get satisfaction from the bonfire they would cause. Stephen tossed each one over his shoulder, getting more and more upset. And oh God, did his belt fit a little tighter?
Then, instead of a book, he pulled out a folded piece of paper with a really familiar emblem on the front. He frowned and opened it.
Just as he gasped in horror, the music changed.
"I am not fat!!" he yelled, and crumpled the paper up to throw at the juke box.
(the note is Top Secret. yep. the logo on the front is from Stephen Colbert's Tek Jansen, his Gary-Stu totally original sci-fi creation.)