(no subject)
The first time he hadn't found Hayley at her hut he hadn't been too worried. After all, there were plenty of logical explanations as to why she wouldn't be there, especially since it was just one time. The second time he was a little more concerned, but again he figured that he must have just missed her. When it happened the third and fourth times he started to worry. He was long past that now and he knew she wasn't here anymore. He wanted to hope that he was only missing her, that she had some happy reason not to be at her hut, but he knew better than that.
He finished the circuit that he normally walked, and while to most he looked perfectly fine, if a bit winded from a long walk, there were just a few from his past who would have known better. A few who would have recognized a certain set to his mouth, a dullness to his eyes, that said he was far from okay. It didn't help that it was so warm that he had to rest three times as much as he normally would. Resting only gave him time to think, and to realize how alone he was. He didn't make friends easily. He learned better than to let people in. A few had gotten past his walls, but now none of them were here, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He always tried to convince himself that he was better off alone, that the sins he carried would drag someone down who stayed around him. but like every other human he needed to know that there were those that could see past the front that he put up and know that he wanted a normal life again. He liked taking care of others. He supposed that had never changed.
He was almost back to the compound when he found that he just couldn't go inside yet. He was looking forward to the air conditioning, but somehow just seeing the building was making him feel claustrophobic and so he stopped and leaned against a tree about half a mile from the compound. He should have known his bit of happiness wouldn't last, but he had forgotten the lessons of his past and for just a while let himself hope that he could leave it all behind. He wouldn't let himself forget again, but it was hard putting all the walls back up and he found he wasn't so sure he wanted to live like that again.
He finished the circuit that he normally walked, and while to most he looked perfectly fine, if a bit winded from a long walk, there were just a few from his past who would have known better. A few who would have recognized a certain set to his mouth, a dullness to his eyes, that said he was far from okay. It didn't help that it was so warm that he had to rest three times as much as he normally would. Resting only gave him time to think, and to realize how alone he was. He didn't make friends easily. He learned better than to let people in. A few had gotten past his walls, but now none of them were here, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He always tried to convince himself that he was better off alone, that the sins he carried would drag someone down who stayed around him. but like every other human he needed to know that there were those that could see past the front that he put up and know that he wanted a normal life again. He liked taking care of others. He supposed that had never changed.
He was almost back to the compound when he found that he just couldn't go inside yet. He was looking forward to the air conditioning, but somehow just seeing the building was making him feel claustrophobic and so he stopped and leaned against a tree about half a mile from the compound. He should have known his bit of happiness wouldn't last, but he had forgotten the lessons of his past and for just a while let himself hope that he could leave it all behind. He wouldn't let himself forget again, but it was hard putting all the walls back up and he found he wasn't so sure he wanted to live like that again.