(no subject)
Of all the changes I see in myself on the inside, sometimes it's still startling to notice the ones on the outside. I mean, I'm twenty, its not like I'm getting old or whatever, but I look in the mirror somedays and I don't recognize what I see. Mom always said I had the metabolism of a bumble bee. No matter how much food I shoveled into my face, I was always skinny as a reed, all sharp angles and hollows. Eyes dark and frantic, like some skittish stray dog, Logan'd said. He and I both'd forget to fucking eat for days at a time, and sometimes I wonder how the fuck we even survived each other. How the fuck I survived anything, as fucking stupid as I was. As I am. Some things maybe a person never grows out of. Dumb kid, dumb adult, same fucking difference.
But this morning, I woke up pressed between two bodies, an arm draped across my stomach and a pair of lips pressed to the back of my neck. Legs tangled up 'til I couldn't tell what belonged where. This morning, I kissed them both awake before I crawled out of bed, said goodbye to the girls for the day and headed the short distance to my own hut. I ruffled Peter's hair, smiled when he grumbled at me sleepily, and headed to the compound with my dog at my heels. I showered and shaved and now I'm standing in front of the mirror, looking at my slightly fuller face and brighter eyes, toying with a pair of scissors in my hand and tugging at the curling ends of my hair.
I don't know what the fuck I deserve or don't deserve, or how weird this life is compared to what it used to be, but what I do know is that, for the first time maybe ever, this life is mine and nobody else's. I feel like, after ten fucking years, I've taken back a little of what was stolen from me. All on my own.
Fucking finally.
[[Find him in the ground floor bathroom. He's in a good mood, really good, so now's a good time for old and new friends. As far as I know, that bathroom is unisex, so girls are welcome too. ST/LT always welcome.]]
But this morning, I woke up pressed between two bodies, an arm draped across my stomach and a pair of lips pressed to the back of my neck. Legs tangled up 'til I couldn't tell what belonged where. This morning, I kissed them both awake before I crawled out of bed, said goodbye to the girls for the day and headed the short distance to my own hut. I ruffled Peter's hair, smiled when he grumbled at me sleepily, and headed to the compound with my dog at my heels. I showered and shaved and now I'm standing in front of the mirror, looking at my slightly fuller face and brighter eyes, toying with a pair of scissors in my hand and tugging at the curling ends of my hair.
I don't know what the fuck I deserve or don't deserve, or how weird this life is compared to what it used to be, but what I do know is that, for the first time maybe ever, this life is mine and nobody else's. I feel like, after ten fucking years, I've taken back a little of what was stolen from me. All on my own.
Fucking finally.
[[Find him in the ground floor bathroom. He's in a good mood, really good, so now's a good time for old and new friends. As far as I know, that bathroom is unisex, so girls are welcome too. ST/LT always welcome.]]