It was Saturday night, time for Maureen's radio show, and for once she hadn't really prepared any material ahead of time. She admitted as much after her usual introduction
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I dropped the last of the treehouse's laundry into the machine and pressed the button to start it filling up, then turned with a smile and a shrug. "I've never done one before," I said, "but if prior experience is not a requirement, then certainly." I sat in the chair across from hers, and held out my hand. "I'm Phedre," I said, glancing at the equipment, slightly bewildered by the myriad buttons and dials and wires.
"And today's my lucky day," Maureen purred into the microphone. "Phedre here is a knockout, ladies and gentlemen." She grinned at her and put her hand over the microphone for a second and said softly, "This is a live broadcast, goes out to everyone on the island who listens to my show. You don't have to answer anything you don't want to."
She uncovered the mic and leaned back in her hair a little, smiling at Phedre. "My little radio show has a sex and relationships spin, mind if I ask you some fun personal questions?"
I did my best to hide a laugh, but it came out as a muffled chuckle anyway. "People who know me might think I stood by deliberately waiting for you to ask," I said, bemused. "I don't mind answering your questions, so long as you don't mind some, ah, potentially risque answers." I was in a mood to be candid, but I didn't want to get the woman in trouble, as I knew some people here still held to certain taboos about sex, especially the view of it that I was raised to have.
"Oh, really. Well it seems I've hit the jackpot then." Maureen couldn't help but give the woman an openly appreciative look. "Though I have to say, despite being gorgeous, you don't look particularly... risque. Though I suppose looks can be deceiving."
"I believe they are," I returned with a smile. "But if we were back in the City of Elua where I came from, my reputation would have preceded me, and you would know that I am what we term an anguissette, a courtesan who specializes in... let us say, tough love."
I caught her look and grinned; I was a little nervous, never having spoken so publicly about what I was, and knowing I could never explain how the act of love was an act of worship for me. But all the same, it was fun, talking to her like this, and if speaking out brought people to me with questions, perhaps it would lead to spreading the knowledge of Elua and his companions across the island; and that, I thought, could hardly be a bad thing.
"Tough love, eh?" Maureen's smile widened. "Okay, you should probably clarify that because I have this amazing image of you in black leather holding a whip right now and if I think about it too hard I might just get a little too excited." She winked and added, "I've gotten in trouble for getting too excited on the radio."
I laughed and shook my head. "Ah, no, in my case it would be the other person holding the whip... or other instrument of their choice," I added with a wink back at her. "Anguissettes relish pain-- truly feel pleasure in it, no matter the degree. Please stop me if I go too far," I added, chuckling. "I would not want you to get in trouble again."
Maureen lifted an eyebrow. "I see. And don't worry, I'll stop you if you go too far, but you should be okay as long as we don't have sex on the air." Then suddenly, Maureen snapped her fingers and added, "Terre d'Ange... I know I've heard that before. That guy, the pretty one with the pale skin - he's your brother, right? Alcuin? I've got some friends who are real fond of him."
"Ah, well then, I'll remember to keep my hands to myself," I grinned. I was a little chagrined by the way she spoke of Alcuin, but I had to remind myself as ever that I was too protective of him. Sometimes it was difficult to be convinced; the spectre of the violence that cost my foster-brother his life would haunt me forever.
But I knew here he was safer than he'd ever been, and so I smiled and nodded at my interviewer's question. "Yes, Alcuin's my foster-brother. We were raised in the same lifestyle, to the same calling, though he is nothing like an anguissette. I don't think I boast too much to say we were famous in the City of Elua-- when we first debuted, we had so many offers we didn't know what to do with them all," I laughed. "And we only got more famous with time."
"I don't have any trouble believing that," Maureen said, leaning forward a little, interested. She knew exactly what Phedre was talking about, and had no trouble continuing the conversation even if some people might be confused as to the context. "Do you miss it?"
I thought about it-- all of it, the days when I'd sat pampered as a princess in Delaunay's house, or even in my own, weighing each offer of an assignation with nothing more than my own whim to guide me, raking in enough gold to support my entire household in the most comfortable style... But as with all things, there were two sides to the coin of my life as Queen of Courtesans, and I could not think of the bright face without also thinking of the dark.
Eventually I found the voice to answer. "Sometimes I miss it terribly," I said honestly. "I dreamed of that life from when I was a little girl, and as I grew up I achieved all I'd wanted and more-- who would not miss such a life? But I must admit I am grateful for the simplicity of life here-- as much as I was taught the lessons of love, court politics were as much my occupation and my calling, and those I can say with relish, I do not miss at all."
Maureen could just sit here and listen to her talk all day. There was something about her voice and the rhythm of the way she spoke that was incredibly soothing. "Are you in love?" she asked, a dreamy note to her voice. "You seem like someone who enjoys being in love."
I couldn't help it; I didn't mean to laugh at her, but laugh I did, practically biting my fingers to try and keep it in. "Forgive me," I said beseechingly, "I am not laughing at you-- only, anyone who knows me most likely is laughing right along with me." I shook my head, still chuckling.
"You must try to understand-- all that I am, all that I do, is bound up in who I am as an anguissette. In Terre d'Ange we believe in our gods as real and present, no more so in how they choose to bestow their gifts upon us, their children. I am said to be marked by Kushiel, the guardian of Hell-- 'tis from him I get my love of pain. All this is to say," I finished, "that it is should not be surprising that I should find myself with an abundance of difficult lovers, or that I should welcome the experience." I shrugged, hoping Joscelin or Hyacinthe were listening, and that their ears were collectively crimson. "Love is the sweetest pain there is-- so of course, I cannot seem to have enough of it."
"Hear, hear," Maureen sighed. Then looking intrigued, she added, "You said lovers, plural. Are you single or in an open relationship? Or just, ah, polyamorous?" She smiled and added, "Though I'm probably simply trying to put a label where there shouldn't be one. I guess what I'm asking is - are you available?" She winked.
I chuckled, almost a snicker, but brought myself quickly under control. "I have what we call a consort, an official lover for those who are not familiar with the term, who I named as such before my queen and the peers of Terre D'Ange. And then here on the island I have had returned to me a dear friend who I lost to the whims of fate long ago," I went on, knowing I was looking wistful but trying not to sound too sentimental. "I love them both more than anything... unfortunately for me, neither of them likes the idea of sharing overmuch
( ... )
Maureen laughed and leaned forward to pat her knee. "I appreciate that, honey. You'll have to let me know if you ever change your mind, hmm? I've thought it such a shame that most of the men here seem to be so flexible, and the women not as much."
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She uncovered the mic and leaned back in her hair a little, smiling at Phedre. "My little radio show has a sex and relationships spin, mind if I ask you some fun personal questions?"
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I caught her look and grinned; I was a little nervous, never having spoken so publicly about what I was, and knowing I could never explain how the act of love was an act of worship for me. But all the same, it was fun, talking to her like this, and if speaking out brought people to me with questions, perhaps it would lead to spreading the knowledge of Elua and his companions across the island; and that, I thought, could hardly be a bad thing.
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But I knew here he was safer than he'd ever been, and so I smiled and nodded at my interviewer's question. "Yes, Alcuin's my foster-brother. We were raised in the same lifestyle, to the same calling, though he is nothing like an anguissette. I don't think I boast too much to say we were famous in the City of Elua-- when we first debuted, we had so many offers we didn't know what to do with them all," I laughed. "And we only got more famous with time."
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Eventually I found the voice to answer. "Sometimes I miss it terribly," I said honestly. "I dreamed of that life from when I was a little girl, and as I grew up I achieved all I'd wanted and more-- who would not miss such a life? But I must admit I am grateful for the simplicity of life here-- as much as I was taught the lessons of love, court politics were as much my occupation and my calling, and those I can say with relish, I do not miss at all."
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"You must try to understand-- all that I am, all that I do, is bound up in who I am as an anguissette. In Terre d'Ange we believe in our gods as real and present, no more so in how they choose to bestow their gifts upon us, their children. I am said to be marked by Kushiel, the guardian of Hell-- 'tis from him I get my love of pain. All this is to say," I finished, "that it is should not be surprising that I should find myself with an abundance of difficult lovers, or that I should welcome the experience." I shrugged, hoping Joscelin or Hyacinthe were listening, and that their ears were collectively crimson. "Love is the sweetest pain there is-- so of course, I cannot seem to have enough of it."
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