Such Divine Madness

[endlessdel]

There were no warm smells coming from the kitchen, no food stains in odd places, there were no crazy items on the table and there was a distint lack of Insanity in the kitchen. In short there was no Del, she wasn't there but she wasn't really anywhere right now. Except when she remembered and looked around the room she was in and knew what she had

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[how_youdoin]

Having not seen cake lady at breakfast, Joey kind of felt like he'd sat down in front of the TV to watch his favourite show, only to have it cancelled. It wasn't even particularly the food that he'd missed. His stomach was full despite Del's absence; it was happy. Though admittedly, not as happy as it would have been had it been fed her tart again.

He'd heard things, kept his ears open and finally found out she was in the clinic. Joey hadn't even known there was a doctor house here. He'd comforted himself with the thought that maybe she was there for a foot fungus infection or a suspicious looking rash. Something that could be treated.

When he poked his head in and caught sight of the bandages around her wrist, his comfort levels plummeted. Pulling the pineapple he'd brought in front of him, he ventured inside the room.

"I woulda knocked but..." He pointed over his shoulder at the door. "....I forgot to."

[endlessdel]

"tHAT's oKAY, i foRGot toO." Delirium said, looking at him. What was his name? Joey, yes, stomach on legs. "fORgot EVerything and Then thEY MADe me rEMember agaiN. yOU have niCE Hands, ARe thEY FOr mE?"

[how_youdoin]

Joey could sympathise in his own way - he didn't exactly have the best memory either. He'd missed enough auditions back home as proof of that. "Uh, sure. Here." He held out the pineapple to her, figuring she meant to ask if the fruit was for her instead.

He dangled it next to the bed, even as he reached and pulled a chair up to sprawl on, hoping she wouldn't mind too much. "You know what you oughta get?" He waited a beat for emphasis; it really was the world best invention. "Magna-Doodle message board. You'll never forget anything ever again."

[endlessdel]

"wHat's a maGna dooDLe, is iT LiKE THe mAGNA Carta?" Delirium asked taking the pineapple, kissing it's spikey bristles fondly and putting it in bed with her.

[how_youdoin]

"Ah, well..." He watched curiously when Del kissed the pineapple and put it in bed with her. He gave it a long hard stare. Pineapples get all the fun.

He lifted his shoulders at her question. "It might be," he offered, entirely uncertain as to what the Magna Carta was. He'd hedge his bets and say ice-cream but even he couldn't see the link between that and a message board. "It's a little board you write notes on with a magic pen. And once you've done the thing you've written, you can wipe it off again! Neat, huh? Me and my old roommate used to use it all the time."

[endlessdel]

Delirium stretched out her legs beneath the sheets and picked at the bandage on her wrist. The pineapple was warm and soft in the bed with her, Delirium stroked it's outer flesh.

"DeSTroyiNG Words, VERY Neat. i wiSH i had One oR SOme BALLoons but thERE are nOne and nO One wiLL bLow mE up soME COndomS." Delirium said, looking at the ceiling where the monsters roamed. "i uSed to havE A Fish BALLoon, he was a nighTMARe."

[how_youdoin]

Joey shot another jealous glare at the pineapple when Del started to stroke it. Dammit! He knew he shouldn't have brought that slutty fruit with him!

Joey wished he had a message board here too, that'd be so cool. But whilst he couldn't help her with the Magna doodle, there was perhaps another way he might be able to cheer her up. He was Joey Tribbiani, after all. He never went out in public without his supply...

He looked suspiciously around to make sure no-one was looking and then gave Del an impish grin, reaching into his back pocket. He pulled out a long line of condoms, all connected in a row. He'd turned up on the island with nearly 40 and while a fair few of them had gone, there were still plenty left.

He waved them excitedly at her. "I can help with the condoms. Except uh," he gave them a strange look, "I've never blown one up before. I don't even know if you can blow them up. But I'll give it a try if it...y'know, puts a smile on your face."

[endlessdel]

Delirium squealed excitedly, forgetting the pineapple as she grabbed the end of the line of condoms. Tearing one off the end, Delirium ripped the packet open and pulled the condom out. Putting it to her lips, she began to blow into the condom and once it was at considerable size, she tied a knot at the end of it.

"caN we Use thEM ALL uP?" Delirium asked, a delighted smile on her face as she kissed the condom and stroked it happily.

[how_youdoin]

Woah. Joey stared. That was so. hot.

"Umm..." It took a moment for his brain to kick into gear, whatever gear that might be, and he looked from Del to his beloved condoms and back again. "Sure." What was he saying?! He leant back, still holding out the condoms to her. His brain notched up a gear. Hello second.

"Well, maybe just--" He grabbed hold and tore them off halfway, stuffing his half back into his pocket but leaving the rest. His fingers twitched until he tore one more off, intending to keep that too. But the memory of Del unabashedly ripping one open and then blowing it up with that great happy smile made him hand over that one too and take his own. Once it was out of its packet he looked at it.

So wouldn't be as hot if he did it.

[endlessdel]

"thEY havE MorE OF THem, aLWAYS repLenishinG. yOU COULD use thEM ALL and thERE WOULD ALways BE more." Delirium said, with a small knowing smile. She wasn't talking about condoms anymore but she doubted anyone would ever figure that out. They never understood.

She sat up, the nightgown loose around her as she leaned across and took it from his hand. "THey ARe bEautiFUL, thEY MAke me...haPPY. orgasmS. BLOW away THe cobWEBS makE me saNER untiL i huRT AGAin." Delirium put the condom to her lips and blew happily. Tying a knot she put it in her bed with the other. "thEY maKE you saD? BLowing thEM up?"

[how_youdoin]

Condoms were like food to Joey. Precious. But if Del said they were always replenishing... He fished another few out of his pocket, leaving about six behind. It made him a little nervous to have so few on him but Del had said. He sprinkled them onto the side of the bed for her to play with.

Joey looked at the condom balloons before replying; a slight colour rose in his cheeks to hear a woman - who wasn't one of his sisters or a slut - talk so openly about sex. It was weird. Though he couldn't deny Del her logic. Orgasms were awesome.

"Kinda," he answered honestly, emphasising the word with a small scrunch of his face. "Blowing them up isn't normally top of my list when I have these. I can think of better ways to use 'em." Ways that always led to blowing away the cobwebs.

[endlessdel]

"You'RE BLushinG," Delirium said, pulling the blankets down so she could swing her legs out of the bed. They wouldn't let her leave but that didn't mean she couldn't have fun, even if it meant the boring not slitting your wrists or hanging yourself kind of fun. "i caN thiNK of mUCH Better thinGS to do with them."

Delirium put the condom balloon next to her and then sat on it. It exploded with a loud bang. "EEEEEEEEEE!" Delirium shrieked happily, almost tumbling out of the bed.

[how_youdoin]

When Del swung her legs out of the bed Joey's blush turned into a look of horror. Was she trying to escape? He put his arms out to stop her. The doctors hadn't said she could leave, right?

The explosion made his eyes pop wide and he realised what she was doing. A condom! Wasted! Never got to fulfill its purpose on earth. But at the shriek and seeing how deliriously happy that made Del.....aw, man. He groaned at himself and picked up another condom, unwrapping it and starting to blow it up. The Little General was going to hate him. But at least Del wouldn't.

[endlessdel]

Delirium giggled. That had hurt, it was a good hurt though. Delirium reached out with her hands and grabbed Joey's shirt, bringing him close to her Delirium pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "FuN," Delirium said, holding out her hand for another condom.

[how_youdoin]

The air in the condom he'd been blowing up escaped in a long high whistle when Del dragged Joey towards her to give him a kiss. Spontaneous. Definitely fun. In any normal situation when a women did that he'd be reciprocating in a heartbeat, but here he was too stunned to do much more than brace a hand on the side of the bed to avoid falling out of his chair completely.

"Very," he all but squeaked afterwards, giving Del another condom before looking down at the deflated one in his hand. Stupid. Where was his Tribbiani Charm when he really really wanted it?