(Untitled)

[beentodamascus]

The bookshelf was giving Adam more and more books written in Farsi, and he was taking it as an opportunity to practice; his Farsi had never been as fluent as his Arabic, and he'd always felt like he didn't have enough time to polish up. Time, time. All he had on his bloody hands now was time

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[9mmshotglass]

Coffee was the first thing on her mind when she walked into the kitchen and then she stopped, stilling, and then all desire for it fled. She moved, her voice tight in her throat, urgent. She knew that look. She knew it. Shock and horror and memory.

"Adam."

Silence.

"Adam?"

There was no approximation, no English translation, of the phrase she uttered (it took away from the Farsi meaning, ground it into something that sounded stupid). He was gone, gone like Crews in one of those moments. Her fingers closed around his wrist, the pressure firm, there.

"Come back," she said throwing every ounce of firmness behind her voice. "Come back."

[beentodamascus]

He knew that she was there. He could hear her, dimly, as though coming from a long way away, and he could smell her, oddly, but he couldn't see her, the veil, whatever it was, drawn around him too tightly to even let him breathe. The sharp, broken edges of the brooch dug into the skin of his palm, drew drops of blood.

Dani's hand was warm around his wrist, but he couldn't really feel the weight of it.

He couldn't really feel anything at all.

[9mmshotglass]

Adam, oh, Adam.

She let him go and cupped his cheeks, murmuring his name gently before pulling him into her arms. The emptiness. Shock. Dani wasn't sure he could even hear her, but she kept talking.

"Breathe," she said, lips against his temple. "Can you do that one thing for me?" Dani really didn't care if he wanted to be touched, she simply held onto him with a gentle firmness. "Just breathe, Adam." Had to be something from home, something vicious, something...something.

Blood drops.

She shifted gently, reached to pull a chair up, and eased herself beside him without breaking her hold on him. She'd sit there as long as it took.

[beentodamascus]

He was breathing. He was trying, but he felt like he was swallowing razorblades. Every breath was a struggle, and he was winning, but barely. The world swum sickly. If you don't breathe, you're going to pass out.

The problem was that every time he drew in a deep breath, he caught the whiff of petrol, clinging in Fi's hair, dripping off her skin and soaked into her clothes.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, sweetheart.

[9mmshotglass]

"Just breathe." Dani held on with her fingers buried in his hair, her voice a murmur with her lips buried in his hair. There wasn't anything she could say that would make this moment better, there was never anything to say. All she had was contact and the sound of her voice, so she held him, tried to give him strength (somehow). It wasn't okay. She'd be stupid to even voice it, so she didn't.

Whatever it was, she wouldn't ask. Not a word.

And she held him.

[beentodamascus]

That night, the night that Danny died, they'd lain together and trembled. He'd physically held Fiona up in the shower and then he'd lain down beside her on the narrow bed. It was amazing how quickly people stopped asking questions.

They'd held each other together and then he'd lost her. He'd lost her in the dark a long time ago.

He coughed, and it was a fine line between coughing and retching.

He still wasn't getting enough air.

[9mmshotglass]

"Breathe or I'm hauling you to the clinic." It was a command and threat in one, sharp and harsh, with a stark note of worry. Either he was going to breathe or he was going to pass out. Both she could deal with. As much as she hated the clinic, she'd drag him there by sheer willpower.

But she didn't let go, not even when he coughed (she moved with him), and refused to give up on him.

"I'm staying," she said, her voice soft. "And I won't let go." Dani closed her eyes. "I don't care how much this hurts. You breathe. Deep breaths, and no, I don't care if you don't think you can."

[beentodamascus]

"Don't need the damn clinic."

The wood of the table as cool against his cheek and Dani's body smelled of the jungle and the sea and her, not sweat, but something close. He breathed through it. He could feel it receding, which was almost more frightening. It receded, and left nothing in it's wake. He was cold and hollow. He was pretending.

He wasn't really there.

[9mmshotglass]

"You're in shock and having trouble breathing. That generally means clinic," Dani murmured pointedly. This wasn't working. "And you're going away again. So if you want to avoid being hauled bodily to the clinic, which, by God I'll do, talk to me and concentrate on breathing."

She used herself as a blanket, curling against him, trying her best to share every shred of heat she had. Dani drew a slow, deep breath.

"Just come back. Wherever you're going, come back because I can't follow you there no matter how much I want to. Adam," she said his name close to his ear, gently, but the soothing tone was touched with near (so near) panic. "Don't leave. Please."

[beentodamascus]

"I don.t Need. A fucking. Clinic."

The boy in him, the one who was raised in embassies, winced when he swore at her like that, but he was concentrating too hard on breathing, and he couldn't think about the nightmares that he'd had in the hospital, the ones of having his chest open and screaming.

"I'm not...I can't."

[9mmshotglass]

"That's better than being fucking silent," she murmured but there was no bite to it. "Stay with me. You hear me, Adam Carter? Stay here. I've got you." Dani kept her body against him and twisted awkwardly to reach for his coffee, which was still hot and bitter.

"Drink. Or try. Just a sip."

It was worth a shot and if it didn't work, she'd wrap her arms around him and stay put. If she'd had a blanket to drape around him she would have used it, but she'd have to do with what she had. Even if it was just her small frame, she'd make do.

[beentodamascus]

He'd never been that great at taking orders, always been a bit of a loose canon, but he bent his head obediently and took a sip of the coffee. He choked on it, but he kept it down. He shuddered, a full body thing and dropped his head.

"I'm okay, Dani. I'm okay."

He wasn't sure if he believed it himself.

[9mmshotglass]

Dani had to let go when he shuddered if only to grab the mug and set it down on the table. She wrapped herself back around him with a soft noise. There was nothing about the situation that said he was fine. Nothing at all.

"You will be, even if it's not right now," she whispered against his shoulder. "Doesn't have to be perfect, doesn't have to really be okay." She smoothed her lips against his temple lightly. "I can stay here like this." It was half an offer and half a statement.

[beentodamascus]

Part of him wanted to push her away from him, didn't want her to see him like this, not ever. Part of him wanted to hold onto her to keep from drowning. He pushed his face against her neck and, somehow, his hand relaxed. The two parts of Fi's brooch clattered onto the table and lay still.

He'd half expected them to move of their own accord.

[9mmshotglass]

Dani didn't even look at what made the clatter but eased her hand against his hair, then dropped her fingers to the nape of his neck where she stroked firm circles. Sometimes touch was as good as words. Hang onto me, I'm strong.

She really didn't care about how still sore she was from that thing that didn't happen with Garak. The split lip was a bit ugly, though, but healing. It had been her own damned fault.

Dani set her daily routine, (and everything else) aside and offered what strength she had.

[beentodamascus]

Adam was looking past Dani now, looking past Fi too, and focusing on the broken broach on the table. Fi's party trick had been picking locks. She'd been good at it, frightening so, better than Adam had ever been, and Adam wasn't bad. He didn't know whether the blood was Danny's or Fiona's. She'd been cut up so badly, and the petrol had stung where it had touched raw skin.

A tear ran down Adam's face, and he wasn't even sure if he noticed.

Oh, mate. Oh, Danny.