Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes, and she's gone.

[with_diamonds]

There was a time, Lucy recalled, back in New Hampshire, when her class of small, uniformed children had been told to raise their hands if anyone they knew had been in a war - those ten-some years after World War II, there'd been a share of hands, mostly kids with uncles or more distant relations who'd gone to fight. Then, along with the standard

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[listentomystory]

He wanted to read, weird as that was, but he did. He walked to the rec room to read and possibly listen to some music, distract himself from the craziness of the lasting effects of Halloween, and from everything else. And hell, maybe Max was in there...where else would he be?

But when he walked into the compound, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his mood dropped from "okay" to "life sucks."

"Christ. Of course. Of course you're here, Lucy. Things just couldn't get better could they?"

[with_diamonds]

Lucy heard the voice, familiar as it was, before she registered that anyone was there, and her back stiffened slightly as she looked up a Jude, a terse frown set on her face. "Of course not," she muttered quietly, folding her arms across her chest half in self-defense. "Did you want anything? Aside from, you know, the insult you obviously can't go without."

God, she was tired of this.

[listentomystory]

Jude rubbed his face and made his way over to the chair next to her. He leaned his head back and lay his hands in his lap, his eyes closed. There was a brief pause before Jude tilted his head to look at her, his eyes soft but sad. "Sorry. It hasn't exactly been the best of ---" he was going to say days, maybe weeks, but instead he said "months." He laughed kind of desperately. "Did you see Max?"

[with_diamonds]

"I know the feeling," Lucy agreed with a faint laugh, both dry and the least bit sympathetic. Her arms relaxed, one hand was fisting gently around the fabric of her tank top, over the dog tag she still wore; it was a habit she'd picked up in Max's death, one she couldn't break even now that he was here. "He came to see me, yeah," she said, exhaling, and managed a real smile at that. "Said you showed him where I lived."

[listentomystory]

"I'm impressed he actually got there. I guess I was a little less than helpful. I pointed in your direction..." He laughed again, closing his eyes like he was in pain, like he didn't want to open them again. He was broken, and he wasn't sure it was the best time to get fixed.

[with_diamonds]

Lucy watched him silently for a moment, biting at her lower lip, and moved her legs so she could better face him. "He made it," she said, the brightness in her voice evidently forced.

She paused for a long moment, fingers twisting absently, and finally sighed before she spoke again. She was never supposed to be this girl, and yet, after all the time that had passed, she wasn't sure what else there was to do. "It's...it's good to see you, Jude."

[listentomystory]

This time his laugh was true, like she had just said something really funny. He kept his eyes closed and scratched his head for a minute. He wasn't sure what to say to that. "Yeah, our conversations have all been great so far."

[with_diamonds]

"That's not what I meant." It had been stupid to say anything at all, she knew that, and with a long, exhausted sigh, pushed herself off the couch to her feet. "Just forget it," she said, shaking her head slightly, and, though she was reluctant, took a few slow steps away. "Sorry I even tried to be friendly."

[listentomystory]

His eyes shot open when he heard her stand up. He leaned forward in his seat and buried his head into his arms. "How do I do it Luce?" He looked up at her, his hands still attached to his head.

[with_diamonds]

She froze halfway through the room when she heard him speak again, which, really, she hadn't been expecting at all, and pivoted slowly to face him again. "Do what, Jude?" she asked with a wide shrug, then reached up to comb one hand back through her hair. "How do you do what?"

[listentomystory]

"Manage to always push you away," His eyes were desperate, not really on the brink of tears, but more on the brink of a mental breakdown. "and still can't stop loving you?"

[with_diamonds]

Lucy swallowed at that, her breathing heavier, and hesitantly, she took a single step back towards him. "Jude..." she sighed, running her tongue along her teeth, hands in the air in front of her, gesturing with her words. "You - you don't - " But there was nothing coherent she could say to that, and they dropped back to her sides again.

[listentomystory]

"I don't what, exactly? Love you?" He let his hands fall from his head to the chair and stood up, peering at her, but not really angrily. He didn't even know what emotion he was playing.

[with_diamonds]

"Have to say things like that," Lucy corrected tensely, through gritted teeth, each word emphasized. Part of her, the part still reeling from Halloween, wanted to spit back something bitter to imply that he didn't love her, but standing there and staring at him, from that distance away, she couldn't quite bring herself to.

[listentomystory]

"You mean you don't want me to say things like that." He searched her eyes for her feelings, cause he knew that she wouldn't say them. Not now.

"You know, Luce, I used to see the sun in your eyes."

[with_diamonds]

"You're right," Lucy admitted weakly, staring straight at him. "I don't. Not when things are..." Too fucked up to explain. "Like this." She shook her head, gnawing at her lower lip again, the eyes he'd mentioned, the ones he'd drawn what felt like so long ago (that moment she'd fallen for him, she knew it) half-shut. "You could say 'used to' about a lot of things with us."