There is literally no one I don't hate right now.

[notplaying]

Toby was in the council office. He had the door propped open with stack of his least favorite books, and numerous stacks of paper neatly set out in equal intervals around the table with chairs in front of each. He was at what he counted as being the fifth one. The order was: Council Parameters, Grievances of Property, Grievances of Person,

Comments

[sir_samuel]

Ziegler looked busy. Well, Ziegler always managed to look busy, even on a damned tropical island when there was nothing to do, but that was a temperament that Vimes could understand. Still, he looked even more busy than usual.

He wandered in with his usual cup of coffee and whistled low at the stacks of papers. "How you keep up at that, I don't know," he observed. "I swear I can only read the stuff for ten minutes at a time before I feel like I'm going mad."

[notplaying]

"Charles J. Guiteau walked in here not an hour ago," Toby said by way of greeting, setting the ball down and leaning forward, looking hard at Vimes.

"Charles J. goddamn Guiteau. You don't know him. He's from Earth. A while ago, not my time, before my time. I know him, though," Toby continued on, voice slowly rising in volume, " because he assassinated the president in broad daylight and was hung for it. Answer me this: Is my telling yout his information about Charles J. Guiteau who was hung for assassinating the president of the united states in broad daylight illegal as according to the Tabula Rasa Bill of Rights?"

[sir_samuel]

Vimes blinked.

"Well," he answered slowly, "back home if there wasn't a legal assassination attempt on me at least once a week, I'd figure I was doing something wrong. S'what passes for government in Ankh-Morpork."

He frowned. "But I'd say no, technically. So long as the government, such as it is, isn't holdin' it against him-" he waved a hand vaguely. "Technically technically, so long as you're personally not holding it against him, actually. But until I learn how to read minds I'll be ignoring that part." He collapsed into the chair. "Take it you've had better days?"

[notplaying]

"A tried and convicted assassin stopped by for a chat about how he, too, can become involved in his local government. I don't know if I mentioned that the last time he decided to become involved in his local government he ASSASSINATED SOMEBODY?" he yelled, and threw the ball at the wall where it bounced off and ricocheted around for a bit.

Toby sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"It's an okay day."

[sir_samuel]

Oh, to live in a world where that sort of thing was unusual, even frowned upon. Vimes was gonna have to visit this Earth place someday. Er, if that sort of thing was possible.

He merely raised his brows at the outburst. "Then I guess it would be a pretty good idea if we didn't, say, elect him for the Council."

Though knowing this place, it was likely to happen.

[notplaying]

"Thank God for the psychiatric evaluations," Toby said. "Because he plans on running."

[sir_samuel]

"Oh, good bloody hell." Vimes snorted. "And here I thought I was done with mad Assassins." The capital 'A' was nearly audible. "D'you think anyone would be crazy enough to vote for him?"

Sadly, the answer to that question was probably yes.

[notplaying]

"In this place?" Toby said. "We've had some colorful nominees." He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"I need a vacation."

[sir_samuel]

"At least no one who's been elected has been particularly insane. More than I can say for some places."

And it was true - despite all the crazy nominees, despite the whining about popularity contests and the like, everyone who had served on the council had been genuinely interested in serving the island. They had been almost creepily lucky.

He snorted quietly. "We don't get vacations. There was a memo and everything."

[notplaying]

"Yeah, you're right," Toby said quietly, "and I hate vacations anyway. I just want to go home." He smoothed his hand over a sheet of paper before lifting a sheaf of them and rifling through.

"We need to build a permanent separate jail. Our only options are incarceration and rehabilitation, because we're not living in a capitol-punishment sort of society, mostly, I think, because we don't have a capital." He cleared his throat. "Once theft and assault and slander are all illegal, are you going to have the personell to enforce the laws?"

[sir_samuel]

"I know," Vimes said grimly. It was something he had been thinking about for a long time, but the details kept leaving snags. "There's this kid - Duo Maxwell? He has a machine-thing that could definitely help with the building. Not that I know anything about building. It's deciding where it should be that's the hard part."

He shrugged. "We've got thirty officers, myself included, and a population of a little over three hundred people. I've worked with a lot worse."