(Untitled)

[sir_samuel]

The day had begun normally enough. Vimes had woken up, he had gotten coffee (that damned coffee that the guy in the suit always made was about as far from Watchman’s coffee as you could get - which meant it was well, very drinkable), had come into the IPD office and made a mess of whatever files Cam had spent the night sorting. There were the usual

Comments

[throw_the_book]

Carrot sidestepped into the doorway, a fact that suggested he'd really only been one large step away from the office when all the yelling had commenced, and then stood there patiently, perhaps waiting for Mr. Vimes to catch up.

"Sir?" he gave a salute and then brought his hands behind him in his usual watchman stance.

[sir_samuel]

Now work could get started. Vimes stormed back into the office, pulled open the desk drawer with much more force than was necessary, and slammed the half-drunk bottle of whiskey onto the desk with nearly enough force to crack it.*

"You seen anything suspicious around here lately?"

Contrary to popular belief, breaking a bottle is a much more difficult than storytellers make it out to be. It's also not recommended for amateurs. Vimes would know.

[throw_the_book]

Carrot calmly followed him into the office and then stood before the desk, watching with careful interest as the bottle was produced.

He then looked from bottle to commander, and then back to the bottle again. "Nothing out of the ordinary, sir. Relapses on the never-ending road to recovery have been known to happen."

[sir_samuel]

Vimes sent Carrot a Look.

"It wasn't me," he informed the captain, even and clipped.

[throw_the_book]

Carrot did not blink, instead leveling an even look on the commander. "Sorry, sir," he said after a moment, but he did have the decency to blush just faintly..

"Of course it wasn't you. It looks like we have an unlicensed thief to deal with, sir. We do, however, have usual suspects," he cheerfully reminded him.

[sir_samuel]

Vimes' glare lasted just long enough to make his point very clear, and then returned to business. "The officers, the desk clerks..." He scowled. "I don't want anyone working in this office who thinks that stealing as much as a bloody paperclip from this desk is all right."

[throw_the_book]

Point taken, Carrot turned to pace a few steps in thought. "Well, sir, while a very clever idea I'm not sure shutting down the office would be entirely advisable. I first noticed the disappearance of some of Bearhugger's Finest a couple of weeks ago* but I thought nothing of it," spoken with a vaguely sheepish air about him.

* This also suggested the question of how exactly Carrot had discovered this since he was notoriously opposed to going through other people's things. The world may never know.

[sir_samuel]

Vimes blinked. He blinked again.

"Wait, wait. Carrot, are you telling me that you knew somewhat was drinking it?"

He wasn't even going to ask if the captain had thought it was him. And by the look of the glare emerging, it would likely be safer if Carrot didn't suggest it.

[throw_the_book]

Carrot adopted an innocent-looking smile, one that was faint enough to keep him looking very much focused on the case. "I'm not telling you anything else but what's already been said, sir," he carefully and gently replied.

And then, "Did you know alcohol can evaporate at much lower temperatures than water, sir? Fascinating stuff! I picked up a lot of interesting facts about liquor down at Havlik's Dwarf Bar over in the Plaza of Broken Moons..."

[sir_samuel]

Vimes blinked. And blinked again. There were times when Carrot's almost non sequiturs made his head spin.

"I, um, bet you did." He blinked again. "Are you saying you think the stuff evaporated by itself, Carrot? 'cause it was, you know, closed."

The frightening bit was that it was really more likely that Carrot had just felt the need to share that cheerful bit of information for no particular reason.