(no subject)
You guys don't have to read if you don't want.
Latelyy i feel like i fucked up with some things, i feel like a part of me is missing, i have changed so much for the better, or who knows maybe for the worse. Life's too short to have grudges with people. i've been telling certain people that for years or months, now they get it.
I feel like i'm falling apart, and i HATE that more than anything!! because I am a perfectionist, I used to have the answers to everything, or over analyzed things and it got me by, or just being heartless with no feelings, I was a person who didn't have a care int he world...not thinking about the "what if" possibilities, and as the days pass i get more and more mind boggled and frustrated!!! =/.
Towards all that i have been through this past year. I just want it all to end, I cannot wait for this upcoming year, a new start with new people, i don't know if this is the forever kind of love because i'm very young but i love him as a person, and am the happiest to have this gorgeous, sweet, loving boi in my life. No matter what we will always be friends, but for now i'm just taking it all one day at a time. i don't know what's in store for me,or him
but i won't give up never ever. he's too special. Ever since i've met him things have been good. but theres still that part of me missing, I gave a piece of it to so many people, and i wish i could have it back, because they didn't deserve it. If i were to get that back a thousands shards or more would be pieced back, and make me even stronger.
I was so so sick of the pain and sadness, i went through, and now i look back, and was like WTF was i doing? why did i let it get this far? Why did i deal with someone who never loved me back for a second?Why did i get back at the people 10xx worse? Why did i try to think that person would change? why don't my relationships just turn out good for once? why do i waist so much time on people, and get nothing in return?Why do people always screw me over when i do NOTHIN to them? why do i forgive and forgive, but history repeats itself? why did i go for the fools who tried to change for me? Why do people that you love and care about so much die or leave?
I Just tried to make myself content, and able to be strong, happy, and have a prosperous year, but that all crumbled to nothing. But once again Unfortunately These questions will forever be left unsaid, and that sucks. I'm still standing and here to be a big girl and deal with it every day of my life. =D It's what makes me grow up, and become stronger, and to become a better person. knowing everything happens for a reason, and a experience I will never forget.
I hope the people that i have had problems with or relationships with are content and happy, and found love and light, and i wish the best for yea all. Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, what ever. =P and have a Happy New Year.
2006 i'm fucken ready.
This years been quite a roller coaster!!
And a Damn Downward Spiral.
This is me naked, and open to my fears, and flaws.
Take it or leave it.
<3
Latelyy i feel like i fucked up with some things, i feel like a part of me is missing, i have changed so much for the better, or who knows maybe for the worse. Life's too short to have grudges with people. i've been telling certain people that for years or months, now they get it.
I feel like i'm falling apart, and i HATE that more than anything!! because I am a perfectionist, I used to have the answers to everything, or over analyzed things and it got me by, or just being heartless with no feelings, I was a person who didn't have a care int he world...not thinking about the "what if" possibilities, and as the days pass i get more and more mind boggled and frustrated!!! =/.
Towards all that i have been through this past year. I just want it all to end, I cannot wait for this upcoming year, a new start with new people, i don't know if this is the forever kind of love because i'm very young but i love him as a person, and am the happiest to have this gorgeous, sweet, loving boi in my life. No matter what we will always be friends, but for now i'm just taking it all one day at a time. i don't know what's in store for me,or him
but i won't give up never ever. he's too special. Ever since i've met him things have been good. but theres still that part of me missing, I gave a piece of it to so many people, and i wish i could have it back, because they didn't deserve it. If i were to get that back a thousands shards or more would be pieced back, and make me even stronger.
I was so so sick of the pain and sadness, i went through, and now i look back, and was like WTF was i doing? why did i let it get this far? Why did i deal with someone who never loved me back for a second?Why did i get back at the people 10xx worse? Why did i try to think that person would change? why don't my relationships just turn out good for once? why do i waist so much time on people, and get nothing in return?Why do people always screw me over when i do NOTHIN to them? why do i forgive and forgive, but history repeats itself? why did i go for the fools who tried to change for me? Why do people that you love and care about so much die or leave?
I Just tried to make myself content, and able to be strong, happy, and have a prosperous year, but that all crumbled to nothing. But once again Unfortunately These questions will forever be left unsaid, and that sucks. I'm still standing and here to be a big girl and deal with it every day of my life. =D It's what makes me grow up, and become stronger, and to become a better person. knowing everything happens for a reason, and a experience I will never forget.
I hope the people that i have had problems with or relationships with are content and happy, and found love and light, and i wish the best for yea all. Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, what ever. =P and have a Happy New Year.
2006 i'm fucken ready.
This years been quite a roller coaster!!
And a Damn Downward Spiral.
This is me naked, and open to my fears, and flaws.
Take it or leave it.
<3