not like the usual
not like the usual
yoochun/jaejoong
summary: yoochun doesn't usually do this things like this.
warning: lapslock.
he doesn't usually fidget like this; never like this, because he is a proud person who doesn't get nervous and doesn't follow the rules and when he doesn't like what he sees he goes to his fucking lawyer and finds a hole to destroy his decade long contract and i was one of the stupid people who came with him.
"you can stay, yunho will-"
"are you really that stupid?" and no questions were asked.
the papers were signed, the media had their little ghastly hands all over the scandal and tvxq was gone.
--
he doesn't usually sigh like this; not deep and questioning like this, except his wedding night where he had stuffed his drunk face all over my shoulder and cried and told me things that were only for people who shared too many things in the span of 10 years and counting.
"i'm gonna love her like i'm supposed to, you will help me right?" and there's a pause, how could i ever answer straight away?
"of course," because we both know i'm more in the domestic side of this friendship and you were the breadwinner. the lump in my throat gets bigger, so i settle for grunts and nods.
"and you'll always be there even if someone else is carrying my last name?" a grunt. i know he didn't mean anything by it, he's drunk. so very drunk that he doesn't know what he's saying. but a part of me wishes he knows whatever the fuck he's doing.
"i still love you. always," the lump gets bigger until i couldn't breath. i've always known, he just never said it the way i wanted him to.
"of course,"
--
he doesn't usually burn his lungs like this; not even when we were in dbsk, tvxq, tvfxq, tohoshinki, jyj stressed times, he's never burned his lungs this much and most importantly, he stopped smoking two years ago when his first baby was born. i used to get chased out just by playing with a lighter, even if it was the prettiest lighter he's ever seen.
"she broke it off," was all he said and that's all i needed to hear.
there's no sara to keep him alive when he's down, there's no sara to cook for him when he comes home from his disastrous ungodly hours of filming and recording, there's no sara who will kiss him senseless when he needs kissing, there's no more sara to love. no more sara.
there's also no more sora who'll run with her little baby legs and cling onto his long lean ones when he finds the time to pick her up from school, no more sora to tuck into the night and sing a little lullaby, no more sora to stare at in the night and thank god how he is so blessed with a beautiful baby girl, no more sora.
--
he doesn't usually buy all the expensive looking alcohol in the bar; never like this because if he wants to get drunk, he'll crash my place because the alcohol hoarding in my house would last me up til' 2055. but the sudden need to throw away unnecessary money and to stuff himself with all this alcohol is alarming. his head is on the sticky bar top and asking for another round and i pour him one, we know this, who's driving we always had a plan. we always knew how to worm everything out when situations arrive - but not this time.
because this time, this is your fight.
"five years, jae" a grunt. he chokes out and takes another shot, barely feeling anything, already too numb to feel anything.
"i would have expected to live through my 25th wedding anniversary, my daughter's wedding, see her kids like my mother saw mine. hopefully see one of yours," he produces a small sobbing sound, i had him scooped up in my arms ready to take him home and he looks at me like i'm his wife and my chest is starting to constrict because.. because-
"twenty years with you. that's should be enough right? but i'm greedy, jae. not now, not like this," he says and sobs harder in my chest and i tug him closer. i won't cry, this isn't the time to cry.
"i know i've fucked up but you don't have anything to say to a dying man?" he stares right back at me and he pouts, how can i ever resists something like that? twenty years, and i nod, twenty years is a long time.
"i'm not sure what i have to say that you don't already know," safe, i'm always safe.
"i don't have much time," he frowns. he knows it, everybody knows it, they are all just waiting for me to say it.
i won't say it.
author's note: another bad ending. i'm sorry -_-
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