I Ask No Questions
I feel like going in my room, drinking a gallon, and not waking up. These people around here are depressing me. Step the fuck off. I don't want to deal with it. There's been tension running around ever since I woke up. I come back. I'm in happiness, and these assholes kill it because they're cheap fucks. Stephen complaining because Lynn wont fuck him but she'll fuck some other guy. Meagan being a fucking bitch whore. Step off please. There's a reason I'm up all over the god damn "A Warning" lyrics. I'm telling you to get the fuck away from me. These people don't seem to get it when I say I don't want what you think you can give me. Irregardless of my feelings for anyone else, even if those feelings weren't there...I don't want any involvement with anyone. Sly and Jennifer are the only solace I have during these long nights with incompatent people. Whether or not it's sad that they're praticly my only social interaction at this point is unknown to me at the moment, and don't sit there and tell me it is because no one really knows.
I was supposed to go the club tonight. Fuck it. I'm going to go in my room. Listen to Black Label Society. And hope that maybe this time something will change when I wake up, but I doubt that'll happen...it never does. I always wake up to the same thing.
Aside from that I feel fairly decent or at least I think I do. I don't know. I just feel like part of me is slowly but surely dying and there's no way of stopping it. Like my soul is slowly drifting and I have no way of catching up with it leaving me a hollow shell of a dying man. I hate that feeling, but I feel like it's the only way I've ever known to survive through all the shit I've put up with. The long nights spent alone in the room never seem to get old and they do grant me some resemblence of peace and relaxation, but at the same time I feel like the seclusion and solitude is slowly wiping who I am from existance. You can only choose to live your life alone for so long until it no longer becomes a choice...and that's what's really scary. Sitting down all my life alone in a chair while hopes of greatness flash by because I'm no longer capable of chasing them, the only thing keeping me company is what will only end up killing me. That's no way to live, and I hate it. All I can do is sit here and hope by some means I'll get the one thing in this life I'm looking for, and that I'll have it long enough to enjoy it.
I don't want to be like my father. Nothing.
I was supposed to go the club tonight. Fuck it. I'm going to go in my room. Listen to Black Label Society. And hope that maybe this time something will change when I wake up, but I doubt that'll happen...it never does. I always wake up to the same thing.
Aside from that I feel fairly decent or at least I think I do. I don't know. I just feel like part of me is slowly but surely dying and there's no way of stopping it. Like my soul is slowly drifting and I have no way of catching up with it leaving me a hollow shell of a dying man. I hate that feeling, but I feel like it's the only way I've ever known to survive through all the shit I've put up with. The long nights spent alone in the room never seem to get old and they do grant me some resemblence of peace and relaxation, but at the same time I feel like the seclusion and solitude is slowly wiping who I am from existance. You can only choose to live your life alone for so long until it no longer becomes a choice...and that's what's really scary. Sitting down all my life alone in a chair while hopes of greatness flash by because I'm no longer capable of chasing them, the only thing keeping me company is what will only end up killing me. That's no way to live, and I hate it. All I can do is sit here and hope by some means I'll get the one thing in this life I'm looking for, and that I'll have it long enough to enjoy it.
I don't want to be like my father. Nothing.