It's unlocked for the whole world to see what I've done and how I regret it.
Why do I do this to myself?WHY?
I don't know why I'm doing this to us.It's so messed up.I tell you it's for the best,for everything between us to be better.BETTER.Ha.What a typical line to say,don't you think?It goes hand in hand with "I think we we'll be better off this way for now,don't you think?Don't worry.Things will be okay." I tell you this thinking we'd both be okay,I WOULD BE OKAY.But no.I realize now how hard this has become for me.I miss you now.Actually,I always have.This time it complicated itself even more that I have learned to miss you not in the "aww it's so cute.I guess I do like him " way but I've learned to miss you in pain and in regret.
No,no,no.I don't regret asking you for this break.I don't regret being the sole reason of you getting drunk in his house because of this.I don't.
I regret having to be the most selfish person in the world.I tried to get you jealous.And I ended up being successful.I MADE THE MOST NUMB PERSON--- JEALOUS.What a life achievement. :| My plan backfired.Well,kind of.
All the things you talked about with my bestfriend.All those sweet words that I love hearing you say to me whenever we're on the phone.All those moments,the things she told me you've planned to make up for time lost--all ruined--all because of my messed up pride.
I sat there after asking you why you were hurt.Stupid move,Kara.OF COURSE HE'D BE HURT.You just said you loved the guy he was most jealous about.But it was just as a friend.I love him as a friend.A FRIEND.I am very in like with you.I would never do such a thing to risk all things in this wonder we created.But it happened and now I've broken your trust and I've made you unsure of what you feel.
I keep trying to tell myself not to cry over you because the fact that you don't trust me and you're unsure of what I feel about you,tell me that you're not worth the tears.But no matter how hard I try,I end up crying by myself in between all the things I do.It's my fault and only I am to blame.
I am so sorry.Oh wow.Another cliche line in my LJ. :| But I don't know how else to place it because I really am,well,sorry.I can't blame you since if that happened to me,just the fact you'd be chatting with her early morning would crush me.I wasn't only chatting with him that early morning but we said some stuff (I SWEAR AS CLOSE FRIENDS) that affected you.I am sorry for hurting you.I really am.It's just that it all boils down to the matter of trust and I don't understand why you think I said it to him in a way only you should experience.
I wish I cold make up for this but we're still on a break.Please don't think that I asked for a break because of him because that would be the last thing I'd ever think of.
I'm sorry for being the most unconsiderate person to you.
I'm sorry for letting you think that you're just "one of them" to me.
I'm sorry for not making sure you knew how much I really do like you before I asked for this break.
And I'm sorry for still wanting this break.
I still want to give you that time to think about what you really want.
Is it really me?
I don't know why I'm doing this to us.It's so messed up.I tell you it's for the best,for everything between us to be better.BETTER.Ha.What a typical line to say,don't you think?It goes hand in hand with "I think we we'll be better off this way for now,don't you think?Don't worry.Things will be okay." I tell you this thinking we'd both be okay,I WOULD BE OKAY.But no.I realize now how hard this has become for me.I miss you now.Actually,I always have.This time it complicated itself even more that I have learned to miss you not in the "aww it's so cute.I guess I do like him " way but I've learned to miss you in pain and in regret.
No,no,no.I don't regret asking you for this break.I don't regret being the sole reason of you getting drunk in his house because of this.I don't.
I regret having to be the most selfish person in the world.I tried to get you jealous.And I ended up being successful.I MADE THE MOST NUMB PERSON--- JEALOUS.What a life achievement. :| My plan backfired.Well,kind of.
All the things you talked about with my bestfriend.All those sweet words that I love hearing you say to me whenever we're on the phone.All those moments,the things she told me you've planned to make up for time lost--all ruined--all because of my messed up pride.
I sat there after asking you why you were hurt.Stupid move,Kara.OF COURSE HE'D BE HURT.You just said you loved the guy he was most jealous about.But it was just as a friend.I love him as a friend.A FRIEND.I am very in like with you.I would never do such a thing to risk all things in this wonder we created.But it happened and now I've broken your trust and I've made you unsure of what you feel.
I keep trying to tell myself not to cry over you because the fact that you don't trust me and you're unsure of what I feel about you,tell me that you're not worth the tears.But no matter how hard I try,I end up crying by myself in between all the things I do.It's my fault and only I am to blame.
I am so sorry.Oh wow.Another cliche line in my LJ. :| But I don't know how else to place it because I really am,well,sorry.I can't blame you since if that happened to me,just the fact you'd be chatting with her early morning would crush me.I wasn't only chatting with him that early morning but we said some stuff (I SWEAR AS CLOSE FRIENDS) that affected you.I am sorry for hurting you.I really am.It's just that it all boils down to the matter of trust and I don't understand why you think I said it to him in a way only you should experience.
I wish I cold make up for this but we're still on a break.Please don't think that I asked for a break because of him because that would be the last thing I'd ever think of.
I'm sorry for being the most unconsiderate person to you.
I'm sorry for letting you think that you're just "one of them" to me.
I'm sorry for not making sure you knew how much I really do like you before I asked for this break.
And I'm sorry for still wanting this break.
I still want to give you that time to think about what you really want.
Is it really me?