I was gonna wait till I moved to make this post... but I think I have to do it now because I can't stand all the years of built up shit that reside here in Toronto
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i am not sure if this post directly concerns me or not.
i have a lot of elaborations based on what you wrote, but i choose to spare some of it.
the quick version is, i don't hate you. in fact i have missed you quite much.
the past, our past, and all of 'our' collective pasts with whom i have associated [from when you associated me as part of your life] after all this time, i see as that. past.
i currently see it as learning experiences in which helped me grow up. it sort of feels like i took chances, and they helped me learn what i want and dont want. what i like and dont like.
we all have loved each other and hurt each other, and some slights are forgivable [but not forgettable] and some are not.
the things that have happened in our collective relationships at the time have caused you and i to either not be friends anymore, be friends with strain, or to take caution with each other so as not to vex each other or our friends/boyfriends/girlfriends.
what i understand of it now, is the people who have fallen out with me, are somewhere else. and i am not part of their lives, and they are only in mine in memory.
i finally feel free of the stigma and politics that some of this social group has laid on me.
between you and i, at this very moment, are not friends, because we dont talk or hang out. when you and chantal were together, we were acquaintances that spent a lot of time together. when you two broke up, we weren't 'allowed' to talk to each other. some time after that, we caught up one day [and went to that mexican place] that day, i had a really nice time talking to you. for the first time i felt like you were listening to me and talking to me as a person.
when ben and i broke up this past february until now, i have no idea where we stand. and i silently let the cards play out to whatever you made it. i think i said hello once or twice, but you didnt respond.
now, if that was a decision you made, i respect whatever your reasons for that are.
i wouldnt mind being a part of your life again, say, to maybe hang out with you and lindsay. she had mentioned to me that she maybe was thinking of having my input in some music she made. i probably would never hang out with ally or millar or ben, especially in a group.[if time dictates that to change, that's okay, but as it stands, there is no reason to beyond this point]
we're all different people.
currently i look past the associations and see all these people as individuals, including you. and myself as well.
if you want to be my friend, i would love to have you as a friend again. but under the understanding that we would have to become friends all over again, that we cannot put much stock in how we related in the past. i wouldnt necessarily say we know nothing about each other, cause we have glimpses of who we were two or three years ago. i'm not necessarily entirely different from that person you knew, but i am quite changed since then. this isnt about me being interested in you physically or romantically. i am quite happy where i am right now.
this is about me remembering the good points in our friendship. i think about you, and am happy to hear about you, if only from afar.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WAY SHORTER. but i couldnt make it shorter. if i was gonna say anything at all, i may as well have worded it properly.
i have things to say about other people you have mentioned and other subjects you have covered as well. but it just starts to sound like gossip. and that's indecent.
i'm not scared to say what i think. and if you want to hear what i think, we can start talking again, it's up to you.
i am sure you know how to contact me. if you want any other contact information, i would be glad to give that to you.
i have a lot of elaborations based on what you wrote, but i choose to spare some of it.
the quick version is, i don't hate you.
in fact i have missed you quite much.
the past, our past, and all of 'our' collective pasts with whom i have associated [from when you associated me as part of your life] after all this time, i see as that.
past.
i currently see it as learning experiences in which helped me grow up.
it sort of feels like i took chances, and they helped me learn what i want and dont want.
what i like and dont like.
we all have loved each other and hurt each other, and some slights are forgivable [but not forgettable] and some are not.
the things that have happened in our collective relationships at the time have caused you and i to either not be friends anymore, be friends with strain, or to take caution with each other so as not to vex each other or our friends/boyfriends/girlfriends.
what i understand of it now, is the people who have fallen out with me, are somewhere else.
and i am not part of their lives, and they are only in mine in memory.
i finally feel free of the stigma and politics that some of this social group has laid on me.
between you and i,
at this very moment, are not friends, because we dont talk or hang out.
when you and chantal were together, we were acquaintances that spent a lot of time together.
when you two broke up, we weren't 'allowed' to talk to each other.
some time after that, we caught up one day [and went to that mexican place] that day, i had a really nice time talking to you.
for the first time i felt like you were listening to me and talking to me as a person.
when ben and i broke up this past february until now, i have no idea where we stand.
and i silently let the cards play out to whatever you made it. i think i said hello once or twice, but you didnt respond.
now, if that was a decision you made, i respect whatever your reasons for that are.
i wouldnt mind being a part of your life again, say, to maybe hang out with you and lindsay. she had mentioned to me that she maybe was thinking of having my input in some music she made. i probably would never hang out with ally or millar or ben, especially in a group.[if time dictates that to change, that's okay, but as it stands, there is no reason to beyond this point]
we're all different people.
currently i look past the associations and see all these people as individuals, including you. and myself as well.
if you want to be my friend, i would love to have you as a friend again.
but under the understanding that we would have to become friends all over again, that we cannot put much stock in how we related in the past. i wouldnt necessarily say we know nothing about each other, cause we have glimpses of who we were two or three years ago. i'm not necessarily entirely different from that person you knew, but i am quite changed since then.
this isnt about me being interested in you physically or romantically.
i am quite happy where i am right now.
this is about me remembering the good points in our friendship.
i think about you, and am happy to hear about you, if only from afar.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WAY SHORTER.
but i couldnt make it shorter.
if i was gonna say anything at all, i may as well have worded it properly.
i have things to say about other people you have mentioned and other subjects you have covered as well. but it just starts to sound like gossip.
and that's indecent.
i'm not scared to say what i think.
and if you want to hear what i think, we can start talking again, it's up to you.
i am sure you know how to contact me.
if you want any other contact information, i would be glad to give that to you.
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