Under attack?
So the last few days have been really nice... i've hung out with Sarah quite a lot... a little more than i should have, i know.
I watched The Sound of Music for the first time in my life, what a great movie! I had no idea it would grip me the way it did... i was under the impression it was just about a nun who sings with kids, but there's Nazis in it and everything! And a guy who's elocution rivals that of Kelsey Grammar! Honestly, when this guy spoke i couldn't even focus on what he was saying, because he was just saying it s'damn well...
Also, most musicals have very two-dimentional characters, apart from a few leads who might undergo one significant change throughout the movie. This isn't a complaint, i understand that due to the nature of the genre, extensive character development isn't usually an option. It's something that all fans of musical theater have learned to deal with. Well, possibly because it's three and a half damn hours long, no character in The Sound of Music goes without being fully explored and developed. On more than five occasions, i had thought i had a given character figured out, only to be completely (and pleasantly) surprised when a deeper facet of their mentality revealed itself. Even minor characters, like the Baroness, are shaded in to an extent, and, it goes without saying, this does wonders to make the entire production that much more believable.
So yeah... buying that one for sure, i don't friggin care if i lose metal points.
Huh... i didn't really want this journal to turn into a movie review... i kinda wanted to do what i usually do and get things off my chest. I guess... does that mean that being in love with the sound of music was on my chest? I don't know.
I'm in a strange mood. IIIIII don't really know if i'm feeling okay or not. I guess i'm a little pissed that i just got the internet and the main computer in this house goes tits up. I just want to hang out in my livingroom listening to music, talking to sarah, and playing with my Snake, but for some FUCKING reason, the gods don't seem to want to let me do that.
There we go, i think i figured out what's on my chest. What the hell is with my luck lately? I don't want to call it luck, actually, because that lends it an air of triviality. What the hell is with my fate lately? It just seems like every time i try to do something, enjoy something, etc. there's some force stopping me. Yes, i'm feeling again. Good, lovely. Yes, this whole fucking breakdown was healthy. I'm glad. I'm ready to just relax and enjoy my newfound peace. But bad shit keeps happening. More than i'm used to, much more. I'm not a drama queen about this kind of thing, so don't take it with a grain of salt when i say this shit. I honestly feel like there's a malicious spirit toying with me and fighting my recovery and happiness every step of the way.
And why is it that i clean and clean and the house never gets any cleaner? I still feel like i'm living in a barn. I must be going mad.
I just want a few moments of peace... I've said this before, but now i think i fully understand what's in the way. I wouldn't be afraid to take responsibility if i was standing in my own way, as it may appear to others... indeed, this whole time i've been under that assumption as well. I thought i was just dwelling on negative thoughts and that i needed to mind-over-matter myself back to a sane state of mind... but now i'm pretty confident that i'm being fucked with, and not by a human. I'm not sure how i know this, i just do.
I was in the basement the other night and clearly heard the voice of a young girl screaming in pain and fear. Not from outside, from all around me, and even a little inside me. I've felt the same pain and fear i heard in her every moment i've been in this house since then. Sarah has been my sancuary, with her i feel both physically and spiritually safe, but i can't hide forever... for Sarah's sake even above my own.
I would never forgive myself if my demons took an interest in her.
I watched The Sound of Music for the first time in my life, what a great movie! I had no idea it would grip me the way it did... i was under the impression it was just about a nun who sings with kids, but there's Nazis in it and everything! And a guy who's elocution rivals that of Kelsey Grammar! Honestly, when this guy spoke i couldn't even focus on what he was saying, because he was just saying it s'damn well...
Also, most musicals have very two-dimentional characters, apart from a few leads who might undergo one significant change throughout the movie. This isn't a complaint, i understand that due to the nature of the genre, extensive character development isn't usually an option. It's something that all fans of musical theater have learned to deal with. Well, possibly because it's three and a half damn hours long, no character in The Sound of Music goes without being fully explored and developed. On more than five occasions, i had thought i had a given character figured out, only to be completely (and pleasantly) surprised when a deeper facet of their mentality revealed itself. Even minor characters, like the Baroness, are shaded in to an extent, and, it goes without saying, this does wonders to make the entire production that much more believable.
So yeah... buying that one for sure, i don't friggin care if i lose metal points.
Huh... i didn't really want this journal to turn into a movie review... i kinda wanted to do what i usually do and get things off my chest. I guess... does that mean that being in love with the sound of music was on my chest? I don't know.
I'm in a strange mood. IIIIII don't really know if i'm feeling okay or not. I guess i'm a little pissed that i just got the internet and the main computer in this house goes tits up. I just want to hang out in my livingroom listening to music, talking to sarah, and playing with my Snake, but for some FUCKING reason, the gods don't seem to want to let me do that.
There we go, i think i figured out what's on my chest. What the hell is with my luck lately? I don't want to call it luck, actually, because that lends it an air of triviality. What the hell is with my fate lately? It just seems like every time i try to do something, enjoy something, etc. there's some force stopping me. Yes, i'm feeling again. Good, lovely. Yes, this whole fucking breakdown was healthy. I'm glad. I'm ready to just relax and enjoy my newfound peace. But bad shit keeps happening. More than i'm used to, much more. I'm not a drama queen about this kind of thing, so don't take it with a grain of salt when i say this shit. I honestly feel like there's a malicious spirit toying with me and fighting my recovery and happiness every step of the way.
And why is it that i clean and clean and the house never gets any cleaner? I still feel like i'm living in a barn. I must be going mad.
I just want a few moments of peace... I've said this before, but now i think i fully understand what's in the way. I wouldn't be afraid to take responsibility if i was standing in my own way, as it may appear to others... indeed, this whole time i've been under that assumption as well. I thought i was just dwelling on negative thoughts and that i needed to mind-over-matter myself back to a sane state of mind... but now i'm pretty confident that i'm being fucked with, and not by a human. I'm not sure how i know this, i just do.
I was in the basement the other night and clearly heard the voice of a young girl screaming in pain and fear. Not from outside, from all around me, and even a little inside me. I've felt the same pain and fear i heard in her every moment i've been in this house since then. Sarah has been my sancuary, with her i feel both physically and spiritually safe, but i can't hide forever... for Sarah's sake even above my own.
I would never forgive myself if my demons took an interest in her.