Merry Christmas, Little Ones
So, here I am. it's 9pm on Christmas Day. I'm sitting in my room, taking a break from a research project for my HazMat class. Finals this week.
I feel like i've lost my focus since I've been here. i can't describe it, but I used to be a lot more...motivated? Inspired? Driven? There used to be more hours in the day from when I first arrived. I used to get home from work, do laundry, do homework, watch a movie, get dinner, read a book, and do some other stuff and still have time to kill before I went to bed. Now, I get home from work, get dinner, maybe do one task, then it's time for bed. I don't know what it is. Maybe I've lost my edge.
I've also got midterms in my Psychology of Disaster class this week. And I've signed up to start Epidemiology next month. What was I thinking?
I'm depressed. It usually happens this time of year. This year, though, it seems worse. It feel like I'm becoming more and more forgotten by the outside world. Like I've had less and less communication with my friends and family in the states. Maybe it goes with the 'out of sight, out of mind' concept. I've always been good about getting gifts for others for Christmas and Birthdays. I've always made it a point to get something. Anything. Maybe I just have the wrong mindset about it. Maybe I shouldn't expect anything in return.
Now I'm just ranting. I'm in a very Emo mood. All I know is that Santa didn't bring me a lot for Christmas this year. I've got a beverage cooler/warmer from a lady-friend (thank you again), and I have a robe that a coworker gave me for our office Secret Santa thing. And I got a card from an old coworker from Idaho. Is it shallow of me to care about this so much? I know Mother and Father got something for me, but I'm very sure they only got it in the last couple of days and I won't expect to get it for another two or three weeks. And I know the brothers have a lot going on in their lives. Lee's got a family to take care of, and so does Erik now. Chris is working, like, eight jobs and doesn't get too much free time. Then there's me.
Some friends and I went to the chow hall for our Christmas lunch. Afterward, we played Boulderdash for a while. But, we broke up at about 3. I've basically been doing homework since then. Doesn't really feel like it should be Christmas. Then again, the last time I had Christmas with the family was my senior year of high school. Is it supposed to get easier in the next few years? Am I going to get more callous about it?
Damn.
I'm going to go ahead and wrap this up. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Always
Dr 9