(no subject)
something about him frightened me. some intrinsic cosmic psychic message told me to run away. something in my skin pulled from him. i didnt trust his pain. when you know things about someone, when you know what they put in their bodies, when you can sense that they do not belong to themselves and that they are not their own and whatever control they seem to have is an illusion, it is terrible to look at them. i attempted to put him in a different space, one away from whatever i had felt for him before, to take him out of context so that i might find his truth, but i felt restless and afraid when he looked at me. it wasnt his ideas, despite how horrible they were... he is allowed to have them and i understand. it was his mouth. his eyes. the way he smoked. those hands. how he walked. i could feel him. he is not his own and i recognized suddenly my intense need to move. move fast. get away. jump. run. scream. whatever he had i didnt want to catch it. i didnt want it to familiarize itself with me, to know my face or the way i spoke. whatever it was, it made me want to cry. i didnt want to hurt him but i felt like he might kill me. whether or not he would, we both knew he could. i will not give him the opportunity.