(no subject)
i also forgot to write that im completely pathetic and not over the idea of natalie. i am however over her. i couldnt comprehend that i just miss having a love like that. something so beautiful in my life, anything to make me sweet..a decent human being. i think thats why me and cala are so close, i think we both want what we use to have. i think thats why she wants me to sleep in her bed. its like being with a lover without the sex. we sleep face to face. i feel our bodies creeping closer. i wake up and message her while barely even waking at all. when i dont wake up with her she gets impatient waiting for me so she jumps on me. i should of ended this journal better then this. it sounds like im so depressed. and i honestly cant figure out if i am because for awhile i couldnt cry at all. all the times i should of cried i couldnt. watching my gf cry before we slept together for the last time didnt make me cry but only mad.
maybe i will end this when my head is clear, when i didnt have such a fucked up dream that effected my whole day. or i could just end it saying that i craved a free life for so long and now i finally have it and my only desire is to see the world and not go to college. i just want to make art on the street and nature. i want to shout and i want people to hear. and when did i devolope into a little women. although i am small as hell, i look older. these boys spoke only italian and when they couldnt speak, they put headphones in my ear and opened my beers. and sometimes when i visit this broad in indiana i walk in and i can feel our snatchs throb when we hug but we dont say anything.
so life turns and turns and turns and turns.
and i am so obsessed with that idea and im obsessed that i love it.
maybe i will end this when my head is clear, when i didnt have such a fucked up dream that effected my whole day. or i could just end it saying that i craved a free life for so long and now i finally have it and my only desire is to see the world and not go to college. i just want to make art on the street and nature. i want to shout and i want people to hear. and when did i devolope into a little women. although i am small as hell, i look older. these boys spoke only italian and when they couldnt speak, they put headphones in my ear and opened my beers. and sometimes when i visit this broad in indiana i walk in and i can feel our snatchs throb when we hug but we dont say anything.
so life turns and turns and turns and turns.
and i am so obsessed with that idea and im obsessed that i love it.