Review: Wolfheart - Part I
Hello, everyone, it's that time again. What time is that? The 'IT reads a terrible novel and reviews it' time. This time it's Wolfheart. Originally, sodzilla and I were going to do the review together, but honestly? There are things I'd rather be doing with a dear friend than trying to unscramble Richard Knaak's terrible crap. I will only be reading this book once, so I will be doing an 'as I read it' review. I have read the Prologue and Chapter 1 once already, so I will bite the proverbial bullet to make sure the review is complete. Also, because this may be the only chance I get to say it legit: I am but a simple, country 'Tower, but some of the shit in this book is ridiculous. You'll see.
I'd like to make three things very clear before I start. 1) I do not like Varian. I think that while earlier versions of him still had some potential for him to be interesting, he's come around to unfunny parody at this point. I do not like him. 2) I do not like Richard Knaak's writing. While I've only read his work for Blizzard franchises (Warcraft, Diablo), what I've read displeases me, or at my most generous is 'passable but still kind of bad'. 3) I have heard the spoilers about what happens in this book and they make me mad. Point three is most relevant, and I'm bolding this: trigger warnings for child abuse.
So, that being covered, let's start with the prologue to this book, shall we?
We start with orcs pulling a cage up a ramp. Except the author uses the word 'tugged', which to me is something people do to my hair and I smack them, not seriously pulling a cage up a ramp. He also refers to Northrend's 'endless winter', which is… very dramatic, but factually untrue, at least from what we've seen in WoW. If they expect to farm in Borean Tundra, you cannot farm during an eternal winter. Similarly, Howling Fjord, while brisk, didn't seem to be eternally winter-ified. Nor did Grizzly Hills. Nor Crystalsong. Nor even Zul'Drak, that, while cold, also seemed to have times when it was warm enough to grow things. Sholazar is a weird Titan-experiment so it doesn't count, so the only places that seem to be good and truly frozen are Icecrown and Storm Peaks. This is something of a minor nitpick, and I wouldn't have minded if he'd mentioned that Northrend was cold at the moment, or the water was cold, but… yeah. Moving on, the next paragraph talks about guards with torches and weapons in their hands, but the tarp over the cage conceals whatever's in it. It should be noted that: 1) weapons are wholly ineffective when you're on a goddamn ramp. It's a relatively narrow ramp. 2) what's the point of saying the tarp betrays no clue as to what it is when you go on in the next paragraph to say there are clues as to what is in the cage. What the fuck was the point of that? Now, paragraph three mentions that there are beasts of labour here, including 'the reptilian Kodo beasts'. Uhm, aside from the fact I thought Kodo were mammals, sort of a cross between elephants and rhinos… did it not occur to the author what happens when reptiles are brought to exceptionally cold climates? If he's emphasizing how cold Northrend is, Kodos simply wouldn't be able to survive here. The author also mentions mammoths, and that's fine, but… Kodos probably wouldn't be of any use. Anyway, this detail just tells us that they're placed far away from these cages, which again, doesn't signify all that much because it's hard to get an animal to pull anything up a ramp onto a ship. Animals, particularly herd animals, do not tend to like vehicles. You can get one used to it, but it's unlikely to like it. Particularly since both Kodo and mammoths are heavy animals. There is a weight limit on ships.
Fortunately the next few paragraphs can lumped together: the storm gets worse and one of the gangplanks shifts (because gangplanks are narrow and not actually useful in this situation…) and dumps some of the orcs hauling the cage into the ocean, while others manage to prevent the cage from landing in the ocean, whatever's in it starts to freak out… and here's where the stupidity really starts. The captain barks some orders, most of which are pretty useless or obvious, but mentions something important: a powder. Meanwhile, some of the orcs with spears decide they're going to poke the thing. Which… I don't know if it's just me, having been raised on a farm and all, but… if it's an animal, don't poke it when it's mad. You will only make it more mad. Furthermore, since they don't actually have a clear view to whatever's in it, they cut the tarp with their spears to poke it… and apparently this is enough for whatever's in the cage to pull an adult, male orc forward, into its cage, through the gap in the bars. Whaaaaaaat? And then it happens again, when one of the others tries to rescue 'his friend'. Okay, okay. Hang on. Maybe, again, it's because I was raised in a farm, but any type of cage or pen that has gaps in its bars wide enough to fit not only an adult through, but a particularly large and bulky male adult, is not an effective fucking cage. This cage should not allow anything wider than a human fist through it. Why? Because then whatever you stick through it that isn't something really narrow will get stuck and not result in the deaths of two people. It's also noted that the second orc, at the very least, was wearing armour and that did not protect him or prevent the thing-in-the-cage from crushing him, and the details of what happens to these orcs is fairly well described. It's mentioned that the orcs are shaken by what they see, hear and feel (they get sprayed by blood… through the tarp, somehow, whatever). The orcs were initially ordered to use spears to try and get the thing off their comrades (why, more people could die?) but it's too late. It's noted that, through the tear (how big was this tear?!) that the bars of the cage are bent, and while they were 'forged strong' and the creature couldn't move them that far, it was enough to pull two adult male orcs wearing plate armour through the bars. As previously noted, the gaps in those bars would have to be particularly large for there to be any room to pull them apart. Just… think of a prison cell for a moment. Think of how the bars are arranged. Just… no, fail.
The captain asks 'no one in particular' where the powder is. I switch from my farm girl hat to my raid leader hat: when giving orders, you do not demand 'someone' to do something. You ask a specific person to do it because otherwise everyone will think someone else will take care of it. Even, and especially, in an emergency situation. There should be someone specifically in charge of the powder, particularly considering what it does. The captain puts on a mask that makes me imagine one of the things I had to put on when I went to the doctor's office and was sick during the H1N1 scare, even as he notes that it's not going to be necessary because the powder isn't going to reach him. Oh… kay, then why did you bother? Either it's important or it's not. The captain apparently only has one eye (but still prides himself on his excellent aim, whatever) and after opening the sack, throws it into the cage. Why? You have spears. Take a spear, loop a cord around the bag and prod it into the cage. You've already proven you're too stupid not to use exploitable objects on the thing, why not use the time when it's distracted to use them for something useful. Particularly because there is a storm with waves and potentially high winds. Also, how is this guy tossing a sack into a cage if most of it is covered by a tarp? The thing roars, stumbles and falls heavily against the side of the cage, nearly spilling it into the ocean again and the orcs have to prevent it from falling. How many fucking orcs are there on this gangplank? If this powder was so powerful, why did they even bother with the weapons at all when simply tossing a sack of it would have helped? Why didn't the captain have any himself? Why is this book so terrible already and it's only the prologue. I am on page four. The captain again tells people to do obvious things, like to get the thing on the ship, to make sure they always have the powder on hand that 'the shaman' gave them, and that its food is always drugged.
The captain notes that all of these ships have one such creature on them, and that retrieving them was at the command of the Warchief, Garrosh, and that none of the orcs here would question the cost, that the cost may be high, and then was sure to be high but they'd pay it anyway and that Garrosh had told them that with the coming of the Cataclysm, their destiny was at hand, that the world's rulers were too weak and soft, and that the Horde's time (but especially the orcs) had come, and that they could finally stake their claim on the more lush parts of the world. The cages finish loading, and the captain muses that this will be the Alliance's problem now, and that they're going to Ashenvale. He notes that he almost feels sorry for the night elves. Almost, of course, because they're only night elves. *pinches her nose* You know, in Warcraft III, when Grom encountered the night elves, he noted that the Sentinels were 1) all women, and 2) the perfect warriors. No really, he does. The night elves are an ancient race that has twice fought off a demonic invasion. They have priestesses that can call down the power of Elune using shards of stars, they have druids that can turn inert, living trees into moving armies, they have had not one, but two, extremely large empires. Where the fuck did this notion that orcs think elves are weak come from? Particularly the Kaldorei. I just… I don't know, any more. Yes, the orcs are big, scary and aggressive, but they're not high school bullies. They aren't contemptuous of anyone who isn't them. At least, they didn't used to be. They used to give a fuck about their allies and respect their enemies. That, at least, brings us to the end of the prologue and on to Chapter 1.
This chapter is called "The Wolf", but we start with Tyrande, contemplating how she knows that the world can never be mended, and how in some ways what Deathwing has done is more terrible than the Sundering. Perhaps, in my view, one of the stupidest and least in character observations for Tyrande to make, particularly as it goes on to note that she looks young but is actually very old. At least he got her hair colour right. Seriously, what Deathwing did was pretty shitty, but it has nothing on the Sundering. The Sundering split a continent into thirds. It forced the most powerful race on Azeroth to completely change their way of life (in conjunction with Malfurion insisting on it). What Deathwing did was fairly devastating, but no more so than a serious earthquake or volcanic eruption. I don't want to essentially downplay the suffering of some, but this is a gross exaggeration. Plus… why can't the world be fixed? Is there something stopping them beyond Deathwing? They have the strongest force of natural magic users, and you know what? People thought you couldn't purge the plague from Lordaeron either. All they needed to do was wait for the Lich King to stop actively stopping their efforts (and Sylvanas, now). There is no reason for this observation, unless Tyrande's suddenly overcome with pessimism. Otherwise, it's just blatantly out of character. She has literally faced worse. There's an overly-long description of where Tyrande is that can be summarized if you play WoW as 'the Temple to Elune' and she's tried to gain some calm and failed, so is now going out to the gardens. Apparently, the full moon shines with particular favour on her, which isn't at all weird or strange. Now i'm picturing Tyrande trying to go about her normal life with a giant spotlight on her. That would annoy me. They mention Elune also being called Mother Moon (hint: never before this book has Elune been called that, at least to my memory, though I believe Tyrande uses that phrase in Well of Eternity, which annoyed me there too), and apparently, the gardens aren't making Tyrande feel any less anxious either.
What she's worried about is an upcoming summit with the Alliance, and she and Malfurion, who is now apparently her co-ruler, are worried that it's basically pointless. They're worried because the Horde is no longer led by a "seemingly conflicted" Thrall (what seemingly? He was depressed and upset until he went to Draenor. There's no seemingly about it!) but a more ambitious Warchief that covets Ashenvale's forests (this is not new, considering Warsong Gulch has been in the game since vanilla WoW, and represents an ongoing situation of the orcs wanting lumber camps in Ashenvale). I've always actually been surprised that the orcs didn't, you know, go to Azshara or something, considering they have a presence there, and with the goblins, they see no problem in strip-mining it, but heaven fucking forfend they just harvest trees normally. Some days I think the orcs are too stupid to live. In any case, despite the fact that Malfurion is a druid and thus more concerned with the wilds of Azeroth and has no interest in politics, he has helped maintain the unity of the Alliance. Uh, okay. When? Seriously, *when* has he done this? He was comatose from before vanilla WoW to the later events in Stormrage. The first time he met Varian was during Stormrage. There's no clear indication he's ever met Magni or the council, or the Mekkatorque, or Velen (maybe Velen by this point), or anyone but Jaina, who isn't a fucking leader of the Alliance (thanks, Blizzard). So at what point did Malfurion actually do anything to help the Alliance? Tyrande, on the other hand, has been awake and useful for ten thousand years (basically up until Blizzard decided a matriarchal society can't actually be ruled by a woman), and has been shunted to the side repeatedly. If Malfurion has no interest in politics, he should not be ruling the night elves. He should not be a representative of the night elves in the Alliance. Particularly if it's entirely possible he's just going to go comatose again when he has to fulfill his ongoing duty to Ysera. In any case, apparently this summit is to decide on someone who can bring the Alliance into the future. Um, well… isn't Varian the leader of the Alliance? I realize that no one decided this other than him, but people have pretty well decided to go along with it thus far and treated him as such, so… what the fuck? What about Magni (though I suppose he's 'dead' now)? This all feels both pretentious and utterly redundant because these decisions have already been made. Apparently, three of the major members of the Alliance haven't confirmed they're coming to the summit, including Stormwind. Considering there are only, at this point, five major members of the Alliance, and one of them is you, that means only ONE MEMBER OF THE ALLIANCE HAS AGREED TO THIS. How is this summit even happening?
Tyrande walks (the author calls it a trek, having never actually made one in his life, star or otherwise) through the garden, nodding to the priestesses who bow 'in homage' to her (does this even make sense in this context?) but forgetting about them moments after, her mind too filled with the vision of Deathwing's devastation (seriously, Tyrande, Malfurion split your world into pieces, you've SEEN WORSE) until she's hit by a vision. She's transported from Darnassus to Ashenvale (in the vision, she hasn't really gone anywhere), and seemingly back in time, at the site of one of the battles against the demons during the first invasion of the Legion. To summarize a long, heavy-handed and kind of stupid vision: Goldrinn and his wolves show up. They get killed. Another wolf (this one is dark brown) shows up. He fights on. Other wolves join him. The wolves slowly turn into people. The demons turn into orcs. Brown not-wolf defeats a dual-wielding orc warrior champion. Tyrande sees the brown wolf's face at the end of the vision before she returns to herself. Seconds later, a Sentinel, one of Shandris' aides, shows up to give Tyrande a message that Varian will actually show up to this summit and suddenly the vision makes sense, because Varian was once called Lo'Gosh, which is another name for Goldrinn. She also mentions something about Varian 'losing his name' and 'being forced to fight for his life in front of spectators'. Now, while both these things do happen, I should point out that, first, Lo'Gosh is the orc name for a night elf god. If Varian hates the orcs so much, I don't see why he allows people to still use that name. I don't see why everyone knows it. I don't see why it's so fucking significant. At this point, I honestly would have preferred Angron. Second, Varian maybe spent weeks fighting as a gladiator. He was treated well. He was never beaten, never starved, never threatened. He had friends whom he hung out with. He was never isolated. When he and Broll ran away to find Valeera after she'd been sold to another team, his owner lets him go, and kind of went 'eh, I knew it would happen'. There is a heavy, heavy emphasis placed on how poor not-Varian suffered… but at no point did he ever really suffer. He was happy. In any case, the meaning of the vision is clear, that Varian is 'the leader of the pack' who will defeat the orcs, who have gone from repentant to, apparently, fucking demons. And since Garrosh is characteristically a dual-wielder, even though she doesn't mention if any of these orcs are brown, since that orc is their 'champion', you can guess where it's going. And that's the end of Chapter 1, thank god.
I lied. I was hopeful. There's one more bit. Two night elven travellers come to Rut'theran Village to get through the portal. The woman of the pair (which Knaak insists on using 'male' and 'female', which annoys me) is sick. They go up to one of the Sentinels guarding the pink portal that takes people from Rut'theran to Darnassus (stop describing in-game convenience mechanics in novels, guys. Stop it.) and the Sentinel sees something about his face that's weird, the night elf chick starts coughing up blood, he realizes there is only ONE WAY to save his wife (they never fucking refer to each other by name, she always calls him 'Husband'. I've always found this dialogue trope to be really obnoxious) and that's to see the high priestess, so off they go through the portal!
NOW it's Chapter 2. We start with Malfurion and an awkward description of trees, and Malfurion's ridiculous appearance. Apparently, he actually has wings growing from his arms now, and his "boots" are actually paws. Okay, let's think about this for a second. HOW FUCKING AWKWARD IT IS TO WALK ON PAWS? Seriously, this makes no sense. Is Malfurion's great gift of being attuned to Azeroth that he cannot walk or dress himself properly? The author talks about the markings on his chest and how 'Stormrage' isn't just a name (yeah it is) and how it describes the powers he can bring to bear as a last resort. Uh, okay? He also describes the horns, which represent his great atonement to Azeroth or some such crap. Then the tree picks him up. Apparently he's communing with Teldrassil? After we talk too much about taint and a bad book that never happened (Stormrage), we get a scene that is going to cause me to rage some: Malfurion feels his back twinge, which is a clear sign to him that he's 'feeling his mortality'. Because apparently, among other things, immortal beings never get back strain from being cradled in the arms of a giant fucking tree. It gets worse, I'm going all citation on you guys:
The archdruid has witnessed the aging of comrades belonging to other races, but to experience it was admittedly not so simple a thing, even if his race was still much longer-lived than humans or dwarves. Malfurion fought down a brief moment of petulance, of thinking that he was not supposed to grow old.
-- p.23
For contrast:
Jaina Proudmoore: I'm sorry I'm late. It's just as we feared. Archimonde and his doom guard are making their way towards the summit! He'll be here at any moment.
Furion Stormrage: Ten thousand years ago we night elves defeated the Burning Legion. Though the rest of the world was shattered, we were left free to live out our immortal lives in peace, bound to the World Tree. We are its protectors, and through it we were granted immortality and power over nature. Now, at last, it is time we gave that power back.
Tyrande Whisperwind: You realize that we will age as these mortals do. Our powers over nature will wane in time.
Furion Stormrage: If pride gives us pause, my love, then perhaps we have lived long enough already. I will proceed to the summit and prepare our defenses there. Whatever comes, my love, remember... our bond is eternal.
-- Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, Night Elf Campaign, Chapter 7: Twilight of the Gods
Allow me to repeat that for you, in case my point was not made:
Furion Stormrage: If pride gives us pause, my love, then perhaps we have lived long enough already.
Who the fuck is this random person in a tree and what has he done with the real Malfurion Stormrage? Also, it's been less than a decade since you've been mortal, and you spent most of that time sleeping. When did you start to feel or see age? Also, at least according to the RPG, Night Elves still age very slowly, it's just that they do have an aging threshold past 'mature adult'. It will still take you a really long time to grow old and die. What the actual fuck? Also? Dwarves are as long-lived as high elves. So there.
Look, this is a relatively reasonable reaction from someone who is young and has always been mortal. I could see some humans going 'what the fuck? I was supposed to stay young and vibrant forever!' But Malfurion? Someone who has already dealt with this with calm and maturity? No. No, no, no. Any-fucking-way, Malfurion's contemplation of being OMGOLD is interrupted by someone with a 'unique bond' to him (Tyrande) telling him to hurry. He hops down from the tree, and realizing that merely running is too slow, he shapeshifts into a cat and runs towards Darnassus. Uh. Why didn't he just fly? I can guarantee you a bird can travel faster than a nightsaber can, since the large cats are mostly meant as sprinters and not long-distance runners. Wait, would that be too logical? Clearly. In any case, more description of the city in WoW is given as people move out of Malfurion's way because he is a Cat On A Mission. He's getting closer to the Temple when he's distracted by "an unsettling gathering of night elves". Why he feels the need to specify his own people is beyond me, and so is how a gathering can be unsettling. He shifts back, which causes people to go from getting out of his way to bowing in reverence (Oh… kay then?) and going to see what's up, and here we see the couple from earlier, though it's finally revealed who the man in the pairing is: Jarod Shadowsong! Apparently, Malfurion thought something bad had happened to him. Oh, I'm so glad you cared to find out for sure. It's not like Jarod was a friend. Or that he was important to you. The Chapter tricks me yet again into thinking it's over, so we've got some more.
We're in Ashenvale, with a commander that was assigned there by Shandris, and her force is under attack. One of the nightsaber mounts was badly wounded and… well, here:
The cat panted heavily. Up close, the intensity of the wounds was more evident. There was blood everywhere. The nightsaber peered up at Denea with eyes filled with pain. One of its sabers was broken.
--p.27-8
I had to double check to make sure, because there's nothing like wrong-word ranting about something wrong but… sabres are swords. There is no clear alternate meaning other than sword. (There's a verb version that involves a sabre anyway). So unless this cat has a sword that is broken, the word Knaak is looking for is either tooth or claw (because both can be sabre-like). In fact, 'one of its sabre-like teeth was broken' would have been more correct. As it is, it's embarrassing and stupid. The cat needs to be put down to end its suffering and they continue on. They're attacked by orcs and there's a battle. Our current narrating character loses an eye to a bowshot, and expects to die, though she lives through it and the orcs are killed. It's determined that the orcs managed to skirt the sentries and strike deep into the heart of Ashenvale. The commander is asked if she thinks there are more orcs, and she doesn't think so, but she wonders what's caused the orcs to sacrifice their lives like this, and if this is what she was told by Shandris and Tyrande to watch out for, a tipping of the balance of factions. Uh, I'd fucking say so. She wonders what this attack augurs (signifying prediction, omen, soothsaying). That is the end of the chapter, and good riddance.
With Chapter 3 (named after Jarod), we get something of an explanation as to what's going on. His wife is sick and dying, she urged him to bring her to see Tyrande to heal be healed, though by the time she gets there, the woman is dead. Jarod realizes that her request was so that he wouldn't be alone when she died. He mourns her, though he's still capable of being rational. One of the things that Malfurion notes about Jarod is how *ravaged* he is, that his hair and beard have been silvered and his face lined with age, even though Jarod is… according to the text, a thousand years younger than Malfurion. Considering that Malfurion and co. were apparently teenagers (or acted like it) in the actual war, this means Jarod is the greatest commanding fertilized egg since Leman Russ. Apparently, now that they're no longer immortal, this means that night elves can also get sick… you know, I can kind of understand it in larger populations, but as Jarod goes on to explain, he's lived in the wilderness for years. Who was she exposed to that made her sick? Am I just crazy? I thought isolating oneself prevented illness, and the greater concern came with infected injuries. The worst part is how the author describes what happened:
Apparently, Jarod had become increasingly more frustrated over the polarization of Night Elf society, and that he felt the druids were becoming more remote and not doing their part in protecting Kaldorei society. You know, because the fact that the druids did not and have never held a position of authority in Kaldorei society apparently doesn't matter. It's made worse by the fact that apparently others have told Malfurion this, including Tyrande. So, Jarod decided to leave. Okay. Without telling anyone. Okay. And Tyrande mentions that she believes she recognizes the woman she attempted to heal as one of the novices that they believed wandered off into the forest and died. What the actual fuck? Everyone had believed Jarod had died too.
Why is no one looking for anyone?! Jarod complains about how jaded the Night Elves are with their long lives (despite the fact the lore had previously implied only the World Tree made everyone universally immortal, and that only those who channeled the Well were otherwise immortal), and maybe he's right. They apparently don't give enough of a fuck about anyone, even beloved commanders, to actually send out search parties. In any case, apparently Jarod and this novice had been in love for a while, but Jarod had known he was going to take off and didn't want to commit. He was just going to leave and hope that was answer enough, but she followed him and they lived together. Wow, Jarod. Wow. But yeah, apparently Jarod can't actually cop to responsibility, the Kaldorei are douchebags that don't care about their people (except when they're dying, apparently) and ohmygodnoes, now that the Kaldorei are no longer immortal, they might get sick and have sore backs and look vaguely old… in less than ten years. Fuck you, Richard Knaak. Though Jarod does mention that he thinks it's a good thing that the Kaldorei are no longer immortal (because of the previous mention of being jaded). Funeral arrangements are spoken about and Jarod spends some private moments with his now-dead wife. Tyrande and Malfurion finally talk about that vision, and Varian, and the fact that there are some people who may not be as happy to see Jarod as the others, these people being Shandris and Maiev. Maiev is Jarod's older sister, and Knaak changed her from someone who was supposed to have been too young to have fought in the War to an overbearing, nasty bitch who was jealous of Tyrande because the novice priestess was chosen to be the High Priestess (because the previous High Priestess liked her just that much) instead of Maiev. She used to berate and bully Jarod (and I don't like using gendered insults, but if you think of all the connotation behind the word, that's what Knaak dumped onto Maiev) and it never really addresses how Maiev became a Watcher in the book, only that she did. Watchers are also called Wardens. Shandris, on the other hand… oh, Shandris. Despite the fact there's no hint of it at all in WCIII, Knaak turned Shandris into a little girl and Tyrande's adopted daughter. Shandris crushed on Jarod hard, with the implication that when Shandris got older, there might be something between them (Jarod was somewhat uncomfortable about it at first, being that Shandris was a child). Apparently, Jarod never properly broke up with her (following his pattern of behaviour, he ran away and just never said anything). Hurrah.
We switch scenes to Maiev. Who is back from Outland, and is apparently kind of crazy. Despite the fact that Illidan is dead, she basically sees him everywhere (there's an odd description of Illidan that the blindfold he wears makes you think that he's blind. Um, he is? But he has extra senses. "My blind eyes see what others cannot." But Illidan in actual canon instead of Knaak's shitty writing also did not get his eyes from fucking Sargeras. So Maiev is apparently just hanging out on Teldrassil when one of her students comes to tell her that Jarod is back and Maiev says she's going to go see him. Someone is watching them, though, and while he's not sure why this is significant, he's going to follow them anyway. Oh… kay then? What is it with people who decide that things are important but won't investigate or not important but will anyway? This is why Azeroth is going to shit, everyone is a goddamn moron. In any case, they strongly imply that it's a Worgen. Hurrah. *flees chapter*
The new chapter is short: the injured commander from earlier is getting used to the fact she's only got one eye (somewhat badly, apparently when you lose an eye you lose the ability to hear too… Illidan would be embarrassed for you, but he's dead) and the commander talks about the other reports. Apparently the night elves heard and saw nothing, finding only bits and pieces here and there of their passage. The commander thinks that this is evidence of what Shandris and Tyrande feared, and sends a messenger by air. We cut to this messenger who gets shot down by orcs, there's a fight, and she survives just long enough to witness Garrosh himself in Ashenvale (apparently, now he's using Gorehowl, which I suppose makes sense since he's pretending to be his father) bragging that the Night Elves are acting exactly how he anticipated and he looks forward to how the Alliance will react to his 'gift'. I suppose you could call this Garrosh being smart, but honestly? I give more credit to the fact that the orcs have managed to pass through the ancient, spiritual home of the Night Elves without anything warning them. When Grom came here originally, there were spirits of the ancients basically everywhere. Where are they now? I'm also rather curious to know how the orcs knew where every single one of their patrols and sentries were, though at base, Garrosh's plan seems to be working because the elves have gone stupid. Oh well, end of chapter.
Part II
I'd like to make three things very clear before I start. 1) I do not like Varian. I think that while earlier versions of him still had some potential for him to be interesting, he's come around to unfunny parody at this point. I do not like him. 2) I do not like Richard Knaak's writing. While I've only read his work for Blizzard franchises (Warcraft, Diablo), what I've read displeases me, or at my most generous is 'passable but still kind of bad'. 3) I have heard the spoilers about what happens in this book and they make me mad. Point three is most relevant, and I'm bolding this: trigger warnings for child abuse.
So, that being covered, let's start with the prologue to this book, shall we?
We start with orcs pulling a cage up a ramp. Except the author uses the word 'tugged', which to me is something people do to my hair and I smack them, not seriously pulling a cage up a ramp. He also refers to Northrend's 'endless winter', which is… very dramatic, but factually untrue, at least from what we've seen in WoW. If they expect to farm in Borean Tundra, you cannot farm during an eternal winter. Similarly, Howling Fjord, while brisk, didn't seem to be eternally winter-ified. Nor did Grizzly Hills. Nor Crystalsong. Nor even Zul'Drak, that, while cold, also seemed to have times when it was warm enough to grow things. Sholazar is a weird Titan-experiment so it doesn't count, so the only places that seem to be good and truly frozen are Icecrown and Storm Peaks. This is something of a minor nitpick, and I wouldn't have minded if he'd mentioned that Northrend was cold at the moment, or the water was cold, but… yeah. Moving on, the next paragraph talks about guards with torches and weapons in their hands, but the tarp over the cage conceals whatever's in it. It should be noted that: 1) weapons are wholly ineffective when you're on a goddamn ramp. It's a relatively narrow ramp. 2) what's the point of saying the tarp betrays no clue as to what it is when you go on in the next paragraph to say there are clues as to what is in the cage. What the fuck was the point of that? Now, paragraph three mentions that there are beasts of labour here, including 'the reptilian Kodo beasts'. Uhm, aside from the fact I thought Kodo were mammals, sort of a cross between elephants and rhinos… did it not occur to the author what happens when reptiles are brought to exceptionally cold climates? If he's emphasizing how cold Northrend is, Kodos simply wouldn't be able to survive here. The author also mentions mammoths, and that's fine, but… Kodos probably wouldn't be of any use. Anyway, this detail just tells us that they're placed far away from these cages, which again, doesn't signify all that much because it's hard to get an animal to pull anything up a ramp onto a ship. Animals, particularly herd animals, do not tend to like vehicles. You can get one used to it, but it's unlikely to like it. Particularly since both Kodo and mammoths are heavy animals. There is a weight limit on ships.
Fortunately the next few paragraphs can lumped together: the storm gets worse and one of the gangplanks shifts (because gangplanks are narrow and not actually useful in this situation…) and dumps some of the orcs hauling the cage into the ocean, while others manage to prevent the cage from landing in the ocean, whatever's in it starts to freak out… and here's where the stupidity really starts. The captain barks some orders, most of which are pretty useless or obvious, but mentions something important: a powder. Meanwhile, some of the orcs with spears decide they're going to poke the thing. Which… I don't know if it's just me, having been raised on a farm and all, but… if it's an animal, don't poke it when it's mad. You will only make it more mad. Furthermore, since they don't actually have a clear view to whatever's in it, they cut the tarp with their spears to poke it… and apparently this is enough for whatever's in the cage to pull an adult, male orc forward, into its cage, through the gap in the bars. Whaaaaaaat? And then it happens again, when one of the others tries to rescue 'his friend'. Okay, okay. Hang on. Maybe, again, it's because I was raised in a farm, but any type of cage or pen that has gaps in its bars wide enough to fit not only an adult through, but a particularly large and bulky male adult, is not an effective fucking cage. This cage should not allow anything wider than a human fist through it. Why? Because then whatever you stick through it that isn't something really narrow will get stuck and not result in the deaths of two people. It's also noted that the second orc, at the very least, was wearing armour and that did not protect him or prevent the thing-in-the-cage from crushing him, and the details of what happens to these orcs is fairly well described. It's mentioned that the orcs are shaken by what they see, hear and feel (they get sprayed by blood… through the tarp, somehow, whatever). The orcs were initially ordered to use spears to try and get the thing off their comrades (why, more people could die?) but it's too late. It's noted that, through the tear (how big was this tear?!) that the bars of the cage are bent, and while they were 'forged strong' and the creature couldn't move them that far, it was enough to pull two adult male orcs wearing plate armour through the bars. As previously noted, the gaps in those bars would have to be particularly large for there to be any room to pull them apart. Just… think of a prison cell for a moment. Think of how the bars are arranged. Just… no, fail.
The captain asks 'no one in particular' where the powder is. I switch from my farm girl hat to my raid leader hat: when giving orders, you do not demand 'someone' to do something. You ask a specific person to do it because otherwise everyone will think someone else will take care of it. Even, and especially, in an emergency situation. There should be someone specifically in charge of the powder, particularly considering what it does. The captain puts on a mask that makes me imagine one of the things I had to put on when I went to the doctor's office and was sick during the H1N1 scare, even as he notes that it's not going to be necessary because the powder isn't going to reach him. Oh… kay, then why did you bother? Either it's important or it's not. The captain apparently only has one eye (but still prides himself on his excellent aim, whatever) and after opening the sack, throws it into the cage. Why? You have spears. Take a spear, loop a cord around the bag and prod it into the cage. You've already proven you're too stupid not to use exploitable objects on the thing, why not use the time when it's distracted to use them for something useful. Particularly because there is a storm with waves and potentially high winds. Also, how is this guy tossing a sack into a cage if most of it is covered by a tarp? The thing roars, stumbles and falls heavily against the side of the cage, nearly spilling it into the ocean again and the orcs have to prevent it from falling. How many fucking orcs are there on this gangplank? If this powder was so powerful, why did they even bother with the weapons at all when simply tossing a sack of it would have helped? Why didn't the captain have any himself? Why is this book so terrible already and it's only the prologue. I am on page four. The captain again tells people to do obvious things, like to get the thing on the ship, to make sure they always have the powder on hand that 'the shaman' gave them, and that its food is always drugged.
The captain notes that all of these ships have one such creature on them, and that retrieving them was at the command of the Warchief, Garrosh, and that none of the orcs here would question the cost, that the cost may be high, and then was sure to be high but they'd pay it anyway and that Garrosh had told them that with the coming of the Cataclysm, their destiny was at hand, that the world's rulers were too weak and soft, and that the Horde's time (but especially the orcs) had come, and that they could finally stake their claim on the more lush parts of the world. The cages finish loading, and the captain muses that this will be the Alliance's problem now, and that they're going to Ashenvale. He notes that he almost feels sorry for the night elves. Almost, of course, because they're only night elves. *pinches her nose* You know, in Warcraft III, when Grom encountered the night elves, he noted that the Sentinels were 1) all women, and 2) the perfect warriors. No really, he does. The night elves are an ancient race that has twice fought off a demonic invasion. They have priestesses that can call down the power of Elune using shards of stars, they have druids that can turn inert, living trees into moving armies, they have had not one, but two, extremely large empires. Where the fuck did this notion that orcs think elves are weak come from? Particularly the Kaldorei. I just… I don't know, any more. Yes, the orcs are big, scary and aggressive, but they're not high school bullies. They aren't contemptuous of anyone who isn't them. At least, they didn't used to be. They used to give a fuck about their allies and respect their enemies. That, at least, brings us to the end of the prologue and on to Chapter 1.
This chapter is called "The Wolf", but we start with Tyrande, contemplating how she knows that the world can never be mended, and how in some ways what Deathwing has done is more terrible than the Sundering. Perhaps, in my view, one of the stupidest and least in character observations for Tyrande to make, particularly as it goes on to note that she looks young but is actually very old. At least he got her hair colour right. Seriously, what Deathwing did was pretty shitty, but it has nothing on the Sundering. The Sundering split a continent into thirds. It forced the most powerful race on Azeroth to completely change their way of life (in conjunction with Malfurion insisting on it). What Deathwing did was fairly devastating, but no more so than a serious earthquake or volcanic eruption. I don't want to essentially downplay the suffering of some, but this is a gross exaggeration. Plus… why can't the world be fixed? Is there something stopping them beyond Deathwing? They have the strongest force of natural magic users, and you know what? People thought you couldn't purge the plague from Lordaeron either. All they needed to do was wait for the Lich King to stop actively stopping their efforts (and Sylvanas, now). There is no reason for this observation, unless Tyrande's suddenly overcome with pessimism. Otherwise, it's just blatantly out of character. She has literally faced worse. There's an overly-long description of where Tyrande is that can be summarized if you play WoW as 'the Temple to Elune' and she's tried to gain some calm and failed, so is now going out to the gardens. Apparently, the full moon shines with particular favour on her, which isn't at all weird or strange. Now i'm picturing Tyrande trying to go about her normal life with a giant spotlight on her. That would annoy me. They mention Elune also being called Mother Moon (hint: never before this book has Elune been called that, at least to my memory, though I believe Tyrande uses that phrase in Well of Eternity, which annoyed me there too), and apparently, the gardens aren't making Tyrande feel any less anxious either.
What she's worried about is an upcoming summit with the Alliance, and she and Malfurion, who is now apparently her co-ruler, are worried that it's basically pointless. They're worried because the Horde is no longer led by a "seemingly conflicted" Thrall (what seemingly? He was depressed and upset until he went to Draenor. There's no seemingly about it!) but a more ambitious Warchief that covets Ashenvale's forests (this is not new, considering Warsong Gulch has been in the game since vanilla WoW, and represents an ongoing situation of the orcs wanting lumber camps in Ashenvale). I've always actually been surprised that the orcs didn't, you know, go to Azshara or something, considering they have a presence there, and with the goblins, they see no problem in strip-mining it, but heaven fucking forfend they just harvest trees normally. Some days I think the orcs are too stupid to live. In any case, despite the fact that Malfurion is a druid and thus more concerned with the wilds of Azeroth and has no interest in politics, he has helped maintain the unity of the Alliance. Uh, okay. When? Seriously, *when* has he done this? He was comatose from before vanilla WoW to the later events in Stormrage. The first time he met Varian was during Stormrage. There's no clear indication he's ever met Magni or the council, or the Mekkatorque, or Velen (maybe Velen by this point), or anyone but Jaina, who isn't a fucking leader of the Alliance (thanks, Blizzard). So at what point did Malfurion actually do anything to help the Alliance? Tyrande, on the other hand, has been awake and useful for ten thousand years (basically up until Blizzard decided a matriarchal society can't actually be ruled by a woman), and has been shunted to the side repeatedly. If Malfurion has no interest in politics, he should not be ruling the night elves. He should not be a representative of the night elves in the Alliance. Particularly if it's entirely possible he's just going to go comatose again when he has to fulfill his ongoing duty to Ysera. In any case, apparently this summit is to decide on someone who can bring the Alliance into the future. Um, well… isn't Varian the leader of the Alliance? I realize that no one decided this other than him, but people have pretty well decided to go along with it thus far and treated him as such, so… what the fuck? What about Magni (though I suppose he's 'dead' now)? This all feels both pretentious and utterly redundant because these decisions have already been made. Apparently, three of the major members of the Alliance haven't confirmed they're coming to the summit, including Stormwind. Considering there are only, at this point, five major members of the Alliance, and one of them is you, that means only ONE MEMBER OF THE ALLIANCE HAS AGREED TO THIS. How is this summit even happening?
Tyrande walks (the author calls it a trek, having never actually made one in his life, star or otherwise) through the garden, nodding to the priestesses who bow 'in homage' to her (does this even make sense in this context?) but forgetting about them moments after, her mind too filled with the vision of Deathwing's devastation (seriously, Tyrande, Malfurion split your world into pieces, you've SEEN WORSE) until she's hit by a vision. She's transported from Darnassus to Ashenvale (in the vision, she hasn't really gone anywhere), and seemingly back in time, at the site of one of the battles against the demons during the first invasion of the Legion. To summarize a long, heavy-handed and kind of stupid vision: Goldrinn and his wolves show up. They get killed. Another wolf (this one is dark brown) shows up. He fights on. Other wolves join him. The wolves slowly turn into people. The demons turn into orcs. Brown not-wolf defeats a dual-wielding orc warrior champion. Tyrande sees the brown wolf's face at the end of the vision before she returns to herself. Seconds later, a Sentinel, one of Shandris' aides, shows up to give Tyrande a message that Varian will actually show up to this summit and suddenly the vision makes sense, because Varian was once called Lo'Gosh, which is another name for Goldrinn. She also mentions something about Varian 'losing his name' and 'being forced to fight for his life in front of spectators'. Now, while both these things do happen, I should point out that, first, Lo'Gosh is the orc name for a night elf god. If Varian hates the orcs so much, I don't see why he allows people to still use that name. I don't see why everyone knows it. I don't see why it's so fucking significant. At this point, I honestly would have preferred Angron. Second, Varian maybe spent weeks fighting as a gladiator. He was treated well. He was never beaten, never starved, never threatened. He had friends whom he hung out with. He was never isolated. When he and Broll ran away to find Valeera after she'd been sold to another team, his owner lets him go, and kind of went 'eh, I knew it would happen'. There is a heavy, heavy emphasis placed on how poor not-Varian suffered… but at no point did he ever really suffer. He was happy. In any case, the meaning of the vision is clear, that Varian is 'the leader of the pack' who will defeat the orcs, who have gone from repentant to, apparently, fucking demons. And since Garrosh is characteristically a dual-wielder, even though she doesn't mention if any of these orcs are brown, since that orc is their 'champion', you can guess where it's going. And that's the end of Chapter 1, thank god.
I lied. I was hopeful. There's one more bit. Two night elven travellers come to Rut'theran Village to get through the portal. The woman of the pair (which Knaak insists on using 'male' and 'female', which annoys me) is sick. They go up to one of the Sentinels guarding the pink portal that takes people from Rut'theran to Darnassus (stop describing in-game convenience mechanics in novels, guys. Stop it.) and the Sentinel sees something about his face that's weird, the night elf chick starts coughing up blood, he realizes there is only ONE WAY to save his wife (they never fucking refer to each other by name, she always calls him 'Husband'. I've always found this dialogue trope to be really obnoxious) and that's to see the high priestess, so off they go through the portal!
NOW it's Chapter 2. We start with Malfurion and an awkward description of trees, and Malfurion's ridiculous appearance. Apparently, he actually has wings growing from his arms now, and his "boots" are actually paws. Okay, let's think about this for a second. HOW FUCKING AWKWARD IT IS TO WALK ON PAWS? Seriously, this makes no sense. Is Malfurion's great gift of being attuned to Azeroth that he cannot walk or dress himself properly? The author talks about the markings on his chest and how 'Stormrage' isn't just a name (yeah it is) and how it describes the powers he can bring to bear as a last resort. Uh, okay? He also describes the horns, which represent his great atonement to Azeroth or some such crap. Then the tree picks him up. Apparently he's communing with Teldrassil? After we talk too much about taint and a bad book that never happened (Stormrage), we get a scene that is going to cause me to rage some: Malfurion feels his back twinge, which is a clear sign to him that he's 'feeling his mortality'. Because apparently, among other things, immortal beings never get back strain from being cradled in the arms of a giant fucking tree. It gets worse, I'm going all citation on you guys:
The archdruid has witnessed the aging of comrades belonging to other races, but to experience it was admittedly not so simple a thing, even if his race was still much longer-lived than humans or dwarves. Malfurion fought down a brief moment of petulance, of thinking that he was not supposed to grow old.
-- p.23
For contrast:
Jaina Proudmoore: I'm sorry I'm late. It's just as we feared. Archimonde and his doom guard are making their way towards the summit! He'll be here at any moment.
Furion Stormrage: Ten thousand years ago we night elves defeated the Burning Legion. Though the rest of the world was shattered, we were left free to live out our immortal lives in peace, bound to the World Tree. We are its protectors, and through it we were granted immortality and power over nature. Now, at last, it is time we gave that power back.
Tyrande Whisperwind: You realize that we will age as these mortals do. Our powers over nature will wane in time.
Furion Stormrage: If pride gives us pause, my love, then perhaps we have lived long enough already. I will proceed to the summit and prepare our defenses there. Whatever comes, my love, remember... our bond is eternal.
-- Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, Night Elf Campaign, Chapter 7: Twilight of the Gods
Allow me to repeat that for you, in case my point was not made:
Furion Stormrage: If pride gives us pause, my love, then perhaps we have lived long enough already.
Who the fuck is this random person in a tree and what has he done with the real Malfurion Stormrage? Also, it's been less than a decade since you've been mortal, and you spent most of that time sleeping. When did you start to feel or see age? Also, at least according to the RPG, Night Elves still age very slowly, it's just that they do have an aging threshold past 'mature adult'. It will still take you a really long time to grow old and die. What the actual fuck? Also? Dwarves are as long-lived as high elves. So there.
Look, this is a relatively reasonable reaction from someone who is young and has always been mortal. I could see some humans going 'what the fuck? I was supposed to stay young and vibrant forever!' But Malfurion? Someone who has already dealt with this with calm and maturity? No. No, no, no. Any-fucking-way, Malfurion's contemplation of being OMGOLD is interrupted by someone with a 'unique bond' to him (Tyrande) telling him to hurry. He hops down from the tree, and realizing that merely running is too slow, he shapeshifts into a cat and runs towards Darnassus. Uh. Why didn't he just fly? I can guarantee you a bird can travel faster than a nightsaber can, since the large cats are mostly meant as sprinters and not long-distance runners. Wait, would that be too logical? Clearly. In any case, more description of the city in WoW is given as people move out of Malfurion's way because he is a Cat On A Mission. He's getting closer to the Temple when he's distracted by "an unsettling gathering of night elves". Why he feels the need to specify his own people is beyond me, and so is how a gathering can be unsettling. He shifts back, which causes people to go from getting out of his way to bowing in reverence (Oh… kay then?) and going to see what's up, and here we see the couple from earlier, though it's finally revealed who the man in the pairing is: Jarod Shadowsong! Apparently, Malfurion thought something bad had happened to him. Oh, I'm so glad you cared to find out for sure. It's not like Jarod was a friend. Or that he was important to you. The Chapter tricks me yet again into thinking it's over, so we've got some more.
We're in Ashenvale, with a commander that was assigned there by Shandris, and her force is under attack. One of the nightsaber mounts was badly wounded and… well, here:
The cat panted heavily. Up close, the intensity of the wounds was more evident. There was blood everywhere. The nightsaber peered up at Denea with eyes filled with pain. One of its sabers was broken.
--p.27-8
I had to double check to make sure, because there's nothing like wrong-word ranting about something wrong but… sabres are swords. There is no clear alternate meaning other than sword. (There's a verb version that involves a sabre anyway). So unless this cat has a sword that is broken, the word Knaak is looking for is either tooth or claw (because both can be sabre-like). In fact, 'one of its sabre-like teeth was broken' would have been more correct. As it is, it's embarrassing and stupid. The cat needs to be put down to end its suffering and they continue on. They're attacked by orcs and there's a battle. Our current narrating character loses an eye to a bowshot, and expects to die, though she lives through it and the orcs are killed. It's determined that the orcs managed to skirt the sentries and strike deep into the heart of Ashenvale. The commander is asked if she thinks there are more orcs, and she doesn't think so, but she wonders what's caused the orcs to sacrifice their lives like this, and if this is what she was told by Shandris and Tyrande to watch out for, a tipping of the balance of factions. Uh, I'd fucking say so. She wonders what this attack augurs (signifying prediction, omen, soothsaying). That is the end of the chapter, and good riddance.
With Chapter 3 (named after Jarod), we get something of an explanation as to what's going on. His wife is sick and dying, she urged him to bring her to see Tyrande to heal be healed, though by the time she gets there, the woman is dead. Jarod realizes that her request was so that he wouldn't be alone when she died. He mourns her, though he's still capable of being rational. One of the things that Malfurion notes about Jarod is how *ravaged* he is, that his hair and beard have been silvered and his face lined with age, even though Jarod is… according to the text, a thousand years younger than Malfurion. Considering that Malfurion and co. were apparently teenagers (or acted like it) in the actual war, this means Jarod is the greatest commanding fertilized egg since Leman Russ. Apparently, now that they're no longer immortal, this means that night elves can also get sick… you know, I can kind of understand it in larger populations, but as Jarod goes on to explain, he's lived in the wilderness for years. Who was she exposed to that made her sick? Am I just crazy? I thought isolating oneself prevented illness, and the greater concern came with infected injuries. The worst part is how the author describes what happened:
Apparently, Jarod had become increasingly more frustrated over the polarization of Night Elf society, and that he felt the druids were becoming more remote and not doing their part in protecting Kaldorei society. You know, because the fact that the druids did not and have never held a position of authority in Kaldorei society apparently doesn't matter. It's made worse by the fact that apparently others have told Malfurion this, including Tyrande. So, Jarod decided to leave. Okay. Without telling anyone. Okay. And Tyrande mentions that she believes she recognizes the woman she attempted to heal as one of the novices that they believed wandered off into the forest and died. What the actual fuck? Everyone had believed Jarod had died too.
Why is no one looking for anyone?! Jarod complains about how jaded the Night Elves are with their long lives (despite the fact the lore had previously implied only the World Tree made everyone universally immortal, and that only those who channeled the Well were otherwise immortal), and maybe he's right. They apparently don't give enough of a fuck about anyone, even beloved commanders, to actually send out search parties. In any case, apparently Jarod and this novice had been in love for a while, but Jarod had known he was going to take off and didn't want to commit. He was just going to leave and hope that was answer enough, but she followed him and they lived together. Wow, Jarod. Wow. But yeah, apparently Jarod can't actually cop to responsibility, the Kaldorei are douchebags that don't care about their people (except when they're dying, apparently) and ohmygodnoes, now that the Kaldorei are no longer immortal, they might get sick and have sore backs and look vaguely old… in less than ten years. Fuck you, Richard Knaak. Though Jarod does mention that he thinks it's a good thing that the Kaldorei are no longer immortal (because of the previous mention of being jaded). Funeral arrangements are spoken about and Jarod spends some private moments with his now-dead wife. Tyrande and Malfurion finally talk about that vision, and Varian, and the fact that there are some people who may not be as happy to see Jarod as the others, these people being Shandris and Maiev. Maiev is Jarod's older sister, and Knaak changed her from someone who was supposed to have been too young to have fought in the War to an overbearing, nasty bitch who was jealous of Tyrande because the novice priestess was chosen to be the High Priestess (because the previous High Priestess liked her just that much) instead of Maiev. She used to berate and bully Jarod (and I don't like using gendered insults, but if you think of all the connotation behind the word, that's what Knaak dumped onto Maiev) and it never really addresses how Maiev became a Watcher in the book, only that she did. Watchers are also called Wardens. Shandris, on the other hand… oh, Shandris. Despite the fact there's no hint of it at all in WCIII, Knaak turned Shandris into a little girl and Tyrande's adopted daughter. Shandris crushed on Jarod hard, with the implication that when Shandris got older, there might be something between them (Jarod was somewhat uncomfortable about it at first, being that Shandris was a child). Apparently, Jarod never properly broke up with her (following his pattern of behaviour, he ran away and just never said anything). Hurrah.
We switch scenes to Maiev. Who is back from Outland, and is apparently kind of crazy. Despite the fact that Illidan is dead, she basically sees him everywhere (there's an odd description of Illidan that the blindfold he wears makes you think that he's blind. Um, he is? But he has extra senses. "My blind eyes see what others cannot." But Illidan in actual canon instead of Knaak's shitty writing also did not get his eyes from fucking Sargeras. So Maiev is apparently just hanging out on Teldrassil when one of her students comes to tell her that Jarod is back and Maiev says she's going to go see him. Someone is watching them, though, and while he's not sure why this is significant, he's going to follow them anyway. Oh… kay then? What is it with people who decide that things are important but won't investigate or not important but will anyway? This is why Azeroth is going to shit, everyone is a goddamn moron. In any case, they strongly imply that it's a Worgen. Hurrah. *flees chapter*
The new chapter is short: the injured commander from earlier is getting used to the fact she's only got one eye (somewhat badly, apparently when you lose an eye you lose the ability to hear too… Illidan would be embarrassed for you, but he's dead) and the commander talks about the other reports. Apparently the night elves heard and saw nothing, finding only bits and pieces here and there of their passage. The commander thinks that this is evidence of what Shandris and Tyrande feared, and sends a messenger by air. We cut to this messenger who gets shot down by orcs, there's a fight, and she survives just long enough to witness Garrosh himself in Ashenvale (apparently, now he's using Gorehowl, which I suppose makes sense since he's pretending to be his father) bragging that the Night Elves are acting exactly how he anticipated and he looks forward to how the Alliance will react to his 'gift'. I suppose you could call this Garrosh being smart, but honestly? I give more credit to the fact that the orcs have managed to pass through the ancient, spiritual home of the Night Elves without anything warning them. When Grom came here originally, there were spirits of the ancients basically everywhere. Where are they now? I'm also rather curious to know how the orcs knew where every single one of their patrols and sentries were, though at base, Garrosh's plan seems to be working because the elves have gone stupid. Oh well, end of chapter.
Part II