(no subject)
I remember when I used to be the nice kid. the one that was always pushed around, never caused any commotion, and never impacted anyone, really, esepcially negatively. I never needed to demote people, jokingly or not, to diminish my inner fears and anticipations.
I was never afraid. I was afraid of what people thought, yes, but I was never just generally.. afraid. And if I was, there was always something specific to pinpoint.
My life is bland. It lacks energy because I have none to bring about. The successes I have accomplished aren't truly successes to me at all. I have no plan. I have dreams; yes, but these dreams are fading into the abyss of what doesn't matter anymore.
I feel AGED, and yet I really haven't matured at all. If anything, I have 'immatured'. I act upon impulse, on whatever desire my mind mangages to come up with. Whether it be degrading someone to make them feel inferior( and failing miserably at that) or making a certain decision very uncharactersitic of me. I act upon what people want to see and hear, upon what pleases those around me. I have no original personality. What originality I do maintain is molded by whatever or whoever I am around.
There is little left of what I used to be.
I was never afraid. I was afraid of what people thought, yes, but I was never just generally.. afraid. And if I was, there was always something specific to pinpoint.
My life is bland. It lacks energy because I have none to bring about. The successes I have accomplished aren't truly successes to me at all. I have no plan. I have dreams; yes, but these dreams are fading into the abyss of what doesn't matter anymore.
I feel AGED, and yet I really haven't matured at all. If anything, I have 'immatured'. I act upon impulse, on whatever desire my mind mangages to come up with. Whether it be degrading someone to make them feel inferior( and failing miserably at that) or making a certain decision very uncharactersitic of me. I act upon what people want to see and hear, upon what pleases those around me. I have no original personality. What originality I do maintain is molded by whatever or whoever I am around.
There is little left of what I used to be.