(no subject)
I can't even breathe. You shoved me under the blankets and left me to find air. I feel like the past year of my life I have been struggling for air. I gave and gave and even when I thought there was nothing left in me to give, I gave him some more of me. I was raw and hurting and sick on the inside but I always found something good to give. And he took from me. He took everything. Now I am left alone, even after all my effort and attempts at salvation. But really, I've been alone for a long time. He started distancing himself a long time ago, and I was clinging onto someone who didn't really love me anymore. Maybe it's because my Daddy never hugged me when I was little. Maybe because even though my Daddy lives here, he never shows love. Maybe I just needed that kind of figure in my life, even if it was tearing me up inside. But I will not tolerate the way I was treated. I will not let someone walk all over me and scream and fight and send me home so he can go fuck someone else. I will not let that happen to me. I am better and stronger and I can't feel like this anymore. I can't sleep next to him hoping that he'll wake up in the morning and hug me and ask me to stay instead of rolling over and never even touching me. Is it so wrong that I wanted to be touched? I wanted human contact with him. I wanted him to do all those things that he used to be able to do, but now everyone else got the best of him. He has turned into someone that I don't even know anymore. I look at his face and it is not the person I began dating almost a year ago. That person has vanished and been replaced with a shallow, selfish, angry, self-destructive boy who hurt the one person who loved him unconditionally. I'm not sorry it's over, I'm not sorry I met him, and I'm not sorry that there's nothing left to say.