In which Dean has to come clean.
He stood out in the field for hours, shouting at the sky trying to get the angels’ attention. He shouted at the sky until he was blue in the face, till his throat was hoarse, but none of them came. Not a single one of them was listening, and now Dean was feeling even more alone than he had when he and Sam had gone their separate ways all that time ago. It wasn’t just that Sam was gone. It was that he was gone, and he had no way to get him back. He still didn’t know where the Colt was, and it wasn’t like he had any other options.
Now would have been the time for Michael. Now Dean had nothing left, nothing else to lose, and it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t get to see the end result when it was all over. As far as he was concerned, this was the end. He didn’t even have Sam to go back to. To find in some out of the way place, all in one piece where they could try and fix things.
He hated feeling this useless. He hated feeling like he was only good if he gave someone else his body. But if this was all he was good for, the prophecy didn’t make any sense. Why would they say the one who started it would be the one to stop it if all he had to do was say yes to Michael? There was no redemption in that. That was just him being a vessel, an empty container for the person doing the real work, then that didn’t seem like he was stopping anything. He was just passing the buck to someone else. That wasn’t redemption. That was taking a short cut.
As he made his way back into the camp, he avoided the lights of the fires and the house lights. He didn’t want to be seen or to speak to anyone, because they would more than likely ask him if he was okay, and he really didn’t want to answer that question. He wasn’t sure he had an answer, and his throat hurt too much to talk anyway. He had just reached the door of his cabin and thought that he had gotten away clean when he heard the soft voice behind him.
“Dean?”
He really didn’t want to turn around. He knew this was probably going to wind up being another mundane camp situation that he truly didn’t want to handle right now, but it was his job, and he couldn’t just turn someone away. Taking a breath, he rubbed his eyes gently, before starting to turn around. “Yeah, what can I do for-” He stopped when he looked up and saw who it was. “-Lana. Hi.”
He hadn’t really spoken to her much since they arrived in camp. A ‘hello’ or ‘how’s it going’ here and there, but he mostly kept his distance. It was usually a good idea not to get too close to the people in camp-he never knew when he was going to have to shoot them in the back for going Croat. It was easier to do if he didn’t like them. And he really was trying very hard not to like Lana.
Was probably why he hadn’t slept with her yet.
“Is everything alright?” she asked, taking a step closer to him. “You went off so soon after you got back, you didn’t get a chance to tell us how everything went.”
Dean swallowed, before crossing his arms in front of his chest in order to keep even more distance between them. “Cas didn’t fill you all in?”
“Just said that they didn’t find anything. And that it was bad-worse than you’ve seen before.” She paused for a moment, before taking another step closer to him. “That you ran into Lucifer.”
At the mention of Lucifer, Dean’s throat tightened, but he swallowed it away. “Yeah. Highlight of my evening.” The sarcasm was unmistakable.
Lana’s eyes widened. “Are you alright?” She started to move forward, and stopped. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to come closer, it was that she didn’t want to cross a line. He didn’t need her to say it, he just knew. Because he’d done the same thing. But now, he actually needed her to cross that line in touch him, because that was what he needed to ground him again. Even if he knew he’d hate himself for hurting her later. “I mean-you made it seem like Lucifer wanted to kill you. How’d you get out?”
“Lack of opportunity,” Dean replied. “He had something he needed to do. But he’ll be back.” It was lies, all of it. He just didn’t kill him because he was wearing his brother and wanted to rub it in some more. And he could tell on some level, Lana knew. She wasn’t stupid, and she wasn’t scared stupid either. Probably another one of the reasons why he liked her.
“That doesn’t seem very much like the Prince of Darkness.” She watched him carefully for a moment, before tilting her head to the side slightly. “There was something else, wasn’t there?”
“Something-what?” Dean shook his head. “No. There was nothing else. It was just Lucifer.”
“Dean.” It was in her tone. In the way she moved closer to him and let her arms rest against his, her hands on his shoulders. It was out of comfort and need to be close to someone when you really, really shouldn’t, and soon he was melting back against the door as she just pushed closer, one hand coming up to rest against the side of his face lightly as his arms slid around her waist. “Tell me.”
He looked at her carefully, before, turning the doorknob and pulling her back into his cabin. He closed the door behind her, before checking the windows and making sure that no one was watching, before turning back to her. “I tell you this, it doesn’t leave this room. Promise me, Lana.”
“Of course,” she said with a nod. “I promise.”
Dean nodded, before going to sit down on the edge of his bed. He buried his face in his hands for a moment, before looking back up at her again with a heavy sigh. “He wasn’t wearing just anyone this time around.”
She blinked at him, confused. “Wearing?”
He took a breath before nodding. “Yeah. Demons and angels, they don’t have forms of their own. They have to use humans for that. Demons, they’ll just possess whoever they want, they don’t care. Angels though, they need specific people called ‘vessels.’ And vessels have to consent.”
“And Lucifer is-”
“An angel.”
“So he needed consent.” She paused for a moment, moving to sit down next to him, her hand on his leg lightly. “Dean, who is Lucifer in?”
“He’s in my brother,” Dean said softly, his eyes dropping down to his knees. “Lucifer is wearing Sam.”
Now would have been the time for Michael. Now Dean had nothing left, nothing else to lose, and it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t get to see the end result when it was all over. As far as he was concerned, this was the end. He didn’t even have Sam to go back to. To find in some out of the way place, all in one piece where they could try and fix things.
He hated feeling this useless. He hated feeling like he was only good if he gave someone else his body. But if this was all he was good for, the prophecy didn’t make any sense. Why would they say the one who started it would be the one to stop it if all he had to do was say yes to Michael? There was no redemption in that. That was just him being a vessel, an empty container for the person doing the real work, then that didn’t seem like he was stopping anything. He was just passing the buck to someone else. That wasn’t redemption. That was taking a short cut.
As he made his way back into the camp, he avoided the lights of the fires and the house lights. He didn’t want to be seen or to speak to anyone, because they would more than likely ask him if he was okay, and he really didn’t want to answer that question. He wasn’t sure he had an answer, and his throat hurt too much to talk anyway. He had just reached the door of his cabin and thought that he had gotten away clean when he heard the soft voice behind him.
“Dean?”
He really didn’t want to turn around. He knew this was probably going to wind up being another mundane camp situation that he truly didn’t want to handle right now, but it was his job, and he couldn’t just turn someone away. Taking a breath, he rubbed his eyes gently, before starting to turn around. “Yeah, what can I do for-” He stopped when he looked up and saw who it was. “-Lana. Hi.”
He hadn’t really spoken to her much since they arrived in camp. A ‘hello’ or ‘how’s it going’ here and there, but he mostly kept his distance. It was usually a good idea not to get too close to the people in camp-he never knew when he was going to have to shoot them in the back for going Croat. It was easier to do if he didn’t like them. And he really was trying very hard not to like Lana.
Was probably why he hadn’t slept with her yet.
“Is everything alright?” she asked, taking a step closer to him. “You went off so soon after you got back, you didn’t get a chance to tell us how everything went.”
Dean swallowed, before crossing his arms in front of his chest in order to keep even more distance between them. “Cas didn’t fill you all in?”
“Just said that they didn’t find anything. And that it was bad-worse than you’ve seen before.” She paused for a moment, before taking another step closer to him. “That you ran into Lucifer.”
At the mention of Lucifer, Dean’s throat tightened, but he swallowed it away. “Yeah. Highlight of my evening.” The sarcasm was unmistakable.
Lana’s eyes widened. “Are you alright?” She started to move forward, and stopped. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to come closer, it was that she didn’t want to cross a line. He didn’t need her to say it, he just knew. Because he’d done the same thing. But now, he actually needed her to cross that line in touch him, because that was what he needed to ground him again. Even if he knew he’d hate himself for hurting her later. “I mean-you made it seem like Lucifer wanted to kill you. How’d you get out?”
“Lack of opportunity,” Dean replied. “He had something he needed to do. But he’ll be back.” It was lies, all of it. He just didn’t kill him because he was wearing his brother and wanted to rub it in some more. And he could tell on some level, Lana knew. She wasn’t stupid, and she wasn’t scared stupid either. Probably another one of the reasons why he liked her.
“That doesn’t seem very much like the Prince of Darkness.” She watched him carefully for a moment, before tilting her head to the side slightly. “There was something else, wasn’t there?”
“Something-what?” Dean shook his head. “No. There was nothing else. It was just Lucifer.”
“Dean.” It was in her tone. In the way she moved closer to him and let her arms rest against his, her hands on his shoulders. It was out of comfort and need to be close to someone when you really, really shouldn’t, and soon he was melting back against the door as she just pushed closer, one hand coming up to rest against the side of his face lightly as his arms slid around her waist. “Tell me.”
He looked at her carefully, before, turning the doorknob and pulling her back into his cabin. He closed the door behind her, before checking the windows and making sure that no one was watching, before turning back to her. “I tell you this, it doesn’t leave this room. Promise me, Lana.”
“Of course,” she said with a nod. “I promise.”
Dean nodded, before going to sit down on the edge of his bed. He buried his face in his hands for a moment, before looking back up at her again with a heavy sigh. “He wasn’t wearing just anyone this time around.”
She blinked at him, confused. “Wearing?”
He took a breath before nodding. “Yeah. Demons and angels, they don’t have forms of their own. They have to use humans for that. Demons, they’ll just possess whoever they want, they don’t care. Angels though, they need specific people called ‘vessels.’ And vessels have to consent.”
“And Lucifer is-”
“An angel.”
“So he needed consent.” She paused for a moment, moving to sit down next to him, her hand on his leg lightly. “Dean, who is Lucifer in?”
“He’s in my brother,” Dean said softly, his eyes dropping down to his knees. “Lucifer is wearing Sam.”