[FIC] 3814 Winter Olympics
Title: 3814 Winter Olympics
Genre: Humor/Romance
Rating: low T for minor swearing
Word Count: 1,324
Warnings: none
Summary: In which Alfred and Arthur are reporters for the 3814 Winter Olympics, America and England celebrate their 317th anniversary, and holographic technology astonishes all.
a/n: This was kind of easy to write. But it's a speed-fic for UsUk Summer Olympics, so still beware of the sucky quality.
~.*.~
“And it’s the 3814 Winter Olympics, here, live in New York, New York, iiiin U.K.S.!”
“Thank you very much, Alfred. For those of you who have just gotten back from work or have missed the first half of the opening ceremony, we apologize for that, for it was truly a spectacle to see.”
“You got that right, Arthur! A thousand faux-ice snowflakes as large as airplanes raining down from the sky, yet as light as a feather! It is a pity that they will have to melt.”
“Yes. It is the proof of the New York engineering progress.”
“Mm-hm. Say, Arthur, now that we’re done with the opening ceremony, what do you look forward to the most?”
“Well, a lot of things. The sports, of course, but also the athletes. There are many young, promising athletes that hail from the Kingdom-States. I am especially looking forward to seeing them perform their best at such an international stage.”
“Pft, c’mon, Artie! That’s such a rehearsed answer! Next thing you know, you’ll be at a long speech about the longstanding tradition of the Olympics. You know.”
“And what is wrong about tradition, Alfred? Many of us have forgotten, but the first Olympics were not, in fact, held a thousand and a hundred-some so years ago. The first Olympic game dates back much farther than that. It was held in Ancient Greece-”
“My friends in the audience, I sincerely apologize for my co-reporter here. As you see, he still very much follows the traditions like drinking tea with a kettle or eating those nasty things we call scones-”
“They are perfectly fine-Uh, I-I meant-”
“Haha, it’s okay, Artie. I’m sure many of those scone-lovers in front of their televisions loved your snapback. I can play the scone-hating villain. By the way, people, I love hamburgers!”
(“Come here, Alfred.”
“Why? And why did you take off your microphone?”
“You have to divert the topic at once. This is the Olympics, not some twenty-first century sitcom. It’s completely unprofessional!”
“Ah, don’t worry so much. I’m sure the audience doesn’t mind. We’re probably creating some sort of entertainment in this dull break.”
“I-Bloody hell. Just do as I say. Do you want to get yelled at by Mr. Beilschmidt to yell at you again?”
“Okay, okay. Fine . . .”)
“I’m sorry for the sudden break, folks. We were just having some technical difficulties-”
“Murder of comedy.”
“-sorted out. Please excuse us. Alfred, would you please do me the favor of announcing what is happening right now?”
“Sure. As you can see, intermission is now over! Thank goodness. And now we get to see the second half of the opening ceremonies! Oh, what is this? The stadium suddenly grew dark. They are turning off all light, and . . . Oh my god, is it what I think it is?”
“I . . . do think so, Alfred.”
“You can hear everyone in the audience hushing. Everyone is focusing on the center podium.
“There is a flickering of light, like a small lightning flash across the dark, stormy-”
“No need to quote Shakespeare here, my good friend.”
“Ah, yes. Well, anyway, the crowd seems to be holding its breath in anticipation. If this truly is what we think it is, then-”
“Another flash!”
“Yes. And this time, it seems to be taking a certain . . . shape. It can’t possibly be . . . can it?”
“For the people in front of your television, I advise you to turn up the volume. There is some very fitting dramatic music playing in the background.”
“Good Lord! Light is now shining down in the center-but it’s not shining down, it’s . . . taking a form? It’s turning into a circle! It’s-”
“A hologram, Arthur! It’s a hologram!”
“This is engineering ingenuity, Alfred! A hologram this size has never been seen, ever!”
“And now it’s taking the form of a . . . human?”
“Yes. Oh, the Olympic committee just likes to keep us guessing, don’t they? Those bloody, wonderful gits. It’s a human-clearer than daylight. The details are remarkable. His green eyes, his blond hair . . . even a bushy eyebrow. And his clothes! If I’m not mistaken, the design is modeled after the flag of the United Kingdom, before merging with the United States. The colors are vibrant, beautiful, down to every last pixel.”
“You know, Arthur, that man looks incredibly like you. The eyebrows, especially.”
“Yes, yes, whatever. What exactly is the meaning of this? What is the significance of showcasing a man in a gigantic hologram?”
“Oh, wait, but there’s more! Another man sudden appeared in the hologram!”
“The crowd is cheering madly, and I can see why. This second man, he is wearing a shirt that clearly displays the American flag. Like the green-eyed man’s clothes, it is modeled after the flag before the merging of the United Kingdom and United States. This second man . . . blue eyes, blond hair? A stereotype of idiot Yankees.”
“Hey!”
“Again, the detail is remarkable. It’s as if two giants are now standing here, right in front of our eyes! It is a spectacular sight.”
“I think they seem to be the personifications of America and England.”
“I agree. Wait-what is America doing?”
“Let me take over the announcing from here, Arthur. The personification of America is kneeling down in front of England’s feet, holding out a . . . box? Oh, haha, it seems that the audience has figured it out before we did. This is America proposing to England!”
“Today is the three-hundred-and-seventeenth anniversary of the merging. Good Lord, with all the excitement of the Olympics, I’ve forgotten about it.”
“Oh, but wait, people. It seems that-Oh, this is hilarious! England has just rejected America! For those who are not familiar with history, the United Kingdom first rejected the United States’ idea of a merging. But as we all know-Oh, forget about that! What just happened was amazing! Previously, there had only been two figures in this gigantic hologram. Now-”
“The background is beautiful! How did they even do that? There are flowers and-and the suspending pearls in the air! And the candlelight! And the music!”
“I never knew you were into that kind of stuff, Arthur.”
“Oh, stop laughing. Looking! The hologram-England is looking around. He’s even blushing . . .”
“And America presents the ring once more . . .”
“And he opens his mouth, preparing to . . . speak?”
“. . .”
“. . .”
“That was hilarious! Oh, haha, I can’t even keep my face straight! That was-hahahaha!”
“If you just missed it. The personification of England just said, ‘Took you long enough to pick it up, idiot.’”
“Ah, even though I can’t stop laughing, I can’t help but feel a little sorry for poor America. I mean, he probably thought about this long and hard, but then-”
“Hush, I think England is saying something else.”
“He is . . . ? Oh, he said yes! He said yes! And now their clothes have both turned into tuxedoes . . . and the scene changed into a church . . . and there is a priest-Good Lord, is England old-fashioned or what?-and then . . . They kissed!”
“Sparks are flying in the air. Oh, and the hologram has faded away, leaving a bright sign. ‘Happy Anniversary, England!’ it said. This is certainly very sweet of America. And it’s just like the Yankees to make such a big deal out of it.”
“Heh, Arthur, I’m sure England appreciates this a lot, though.”
“Hm, I suppose so.”
“Hey, want to have dinner together tonight?”
“Sure, I-W-what did you just say?”
“And that’s it for the first segment of the second half, people! Now let’s cut into a commercial break!”