The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (6/8)
This fic is taking over my life! I had so many things to do this weekend - like watch HBP - and I put it off to get this out of my system. Which actually says a lot about my love for this ship because, come on - it's HP!!! So, those of you following along (thank you, I love you) - I hope Part 6 keeps you hooked. This is getting to be a longer fic than I had orginally envisioned, but I foresee it ending in 8, not 7 - so it's not too bad. Please comment - I LIVE for your comments!
Title: The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (6/?)
Spoilers: Everything up to and including 2 X 23
Rating: R (if I’m encouraged to go there)
Word Count: 3,293
Disclaimer: Not mine... although I wish I had my own Sheldon *sigh*
X-posted to Paradox (sheldon_penny): http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/367536.html
SIX: OF REALITY AND REALIZATIONS
Penny stormed into her own apartment and flopped down on the couch, Ryan closing the door quietly behind her. He stood uncertainly by the door before grabbing a box of tissues and sitting down next to her on the couch.
“I’m guessing the movie is not gonna happen tonight,” he said with a quiet laugh, that he wiped off his face the moment she glared him. “No problem. Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds can wait. I’m happy just sitting here as long as you’re sitting next to me.”
She grabbed a couple of tissues, dabbed at her eyes and turned away from him again, wringing her clenched hands in her lap. They stayed that way for a few minutes before Ryan spoke again.
“That Sheldon is something else, huh? Man, I thought Leonard and Howard were exaggerating about him but I think they actually glossed over a few things. He’s psychotic.”
“He’s not psychotic!” She exclaimed, defensively. “He’s just... Sheldon. He just takes some getting used to, that’s all. Don’t ever call him that again.”
“Okaaaay. I still think he’s a little scary. Man - if looks could kill - I don’t think I’d be sitting here talking to you right now. It’s not like he didn’t want me there - it’s like he didn’t want me to exist.”
Penny glanced at him in surprise. “Don’t be silly. He’s just... like that sometimes, you know? Difficult. He doesn’t make friends easily. He’s kind of socially awkward. And I forgot to tell him about you.”
“But I thought you talked him once in a while when he was in the Arctic?”
“Yeah, I did,” Penny mumbled, looking away from him again. “Once in a while.”
“I don’t get it though - why would that be such a big deal to him?”
“Sheldon doesn’t do too well with change.”
“Well, I guess there must be some redeeming qualities to him if you guys are still friends.”
“There’s lots of wonderful things about Sheldon!” Penny exclaimed, bizarrely upset that he hadn’t come to this realization himself. “He’s really sweet, and innocent, and... wonderful. But at the same time he can be a prick. You just deal with it, you know? I mean - that’s how we do it. If Leonard has an issue with him - I’ll step in to mediate, and if I have an issue with him - and there are a lot of issues between us - then Leonard steps in.”
“That seems like a lot of work to keep one person happy.”
“Well, it’s worth it! Usually. Not tonight - but I’m sure this’ll blow over. And if it doesn’t, I’ll tell his mother on him and everything will return to normal.”
“You’ll tell his mother on him?” He chuckled.
“She’s Sheldon’s kryptonite. That’s a Superman reference.”
“Honey, I know.” Penny looked away again, and Ryan scooted up and over to sit on the coffee table, facing her. “Hey, beautiful - talk to me. I know Sheldon upset you - but what I couldn’t figure out was why. Did something happen just before I got there?”
“No.”
“So - it was just me then?”
“No!” She looked aghast at the thought. “I don’t know. He was fine this morning! Same old Sheldon.”
“This morning?”
“Yeah, I saw him before I left for rehearsal.”
“At 4 a.m.? What was he doing up?”
“He wasn’t up. I woke him up.”
“Well, maybe that’s why! I remember Leonard telling me something about his routines. You obviously disrupted them,” he said in a manner that implied the problem was now solved. Penny spared him a scathing glance.
“So I broke a couple of his rules - I was in his room, I was on his bed - whatever. I’ve done that before too, and he didn’t hold it against me. The last time he did that was when I touched his food and ruined laundry night and he put my panties on the telephone wire.”
“Whaaaat?!” Ryan looked completely flummoxed.
“Yeah - I know what you’re thinking: How did he get them up there? Well, when you have an understanding of physics, Ryan, anything is possible.”
“Honey,” Ryan laughed, and cupped her face between his hands to stop her from babbling any further. “Let’s go back to this morning. You were in his room - on his bed?”
“Yeah, so? I went to say welcome back.”
“I actually can’t believe he would even let you into the apartment at 4 in the morning.”
“Don’t be silly, of course he wouldn’t. I have an emergency key.”
“You snuck in there?”
“It’s not sneaking when they gave me a key! And it’s not like Sheldon doesn’t do it too! Only he sneaks in here to clean.” Ryan took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes, obviously trying to make sense of what he was hearing.
“Penny - a beautiful woman comes into my bedroom at 4 in the morning to welcome me home after months being away...”
“Oh, please - get your mind out of the gutter. This is Sheldon!”
“He’s still just a man, Penny.” He frowned at her. “I feel like the way all of you treat him - with kid gloves if need be - you’re forgetting that little fact. He’s just a man - just like the rest of us.”
“He’s not like the rest of you! He’s different. He’s special!”
“I wish - you would think of me as being that special,” he smiled ruefully at her, not quite sure how to interpret what she was telling him.
“Of course, you’re special. Just not in the same way.”
“I see.” His laugh was a little self-deprecating. Penny searched his face as he momentarily looked away from her, his eyes trained on the floor. He seemed to be conflicted with something. She felt bad for him - none of this was his fault and he was a sweetheart for trying to understand it all anyway. But this had nothing to do with him - maybe she should be a good sport and go to that movie. However, the sex-for-dessert thing was not going to happen tonight. She and her big mouth.
She opened her mouth to suggest they go to the movie when he spoke.
“Do you know that in all the time we’ve been friends - what has it been - almost two months now? I have never seen you this emotional? It’s like you keep me at arm’s length, but tonight, I got to see a different side of you, a passionate - slightly crazy - side but I like it. Too bad, I had nothing to do with bringing that out in you.”
“Ryan...”
“Think about why Sheldon would be so upset with me. I really don’t understand - like you said you only spoke to him on and off while he was away. Maybe he was upset that you hadn’t said anything this morning.” Penny huffed in frustration.
“I spoke to him every other day, okay? Sometimes every day. I don’t know - it just never came up in conversation!”
“You spoke to him every day for five months?”
“Every other day! Mostly!”
“For how long?”
“For four months really, after Leonard and Howard returned home early.”
“No, I mean how long were your conversations?”
“Not long.”
“Like maybe 10 or 15 minutes?”
“Maybe - like 15... or 45. It varied.”
“Penny, I’m right here and you never talk to me that much!”
“Because you’re right here!”
“I think I finally get why Sheldon was so upset tonight.”
“After knowing him all of ten minutes?” She scoffed. “Do enlighten me.”
“He’s jealous.”
“Jealous?” Penny burst out laughing. “Sheldon? Jealous? Of what, for God’s sake?”
“Of me.”
“Of you?” she snorted. “Oh, honey, don’t take this the wrong way, but Sheldon’s like the smartest guy on the planet. He doesn’t do jealous-of-you - he would never compare himself to you. Einstein, maybe - but not you.”
“But Einstein didn’t have you.”
“That’s just ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah,” she glared at him, “It is.” Ryan studied her for a full minute before smiling somewhat sadly.
“You know, Penny - when I met you on set of the first commercial, I thought to myself - man, she’s beautiful, and look at her - her smile lights up the room.” His eyes glazed over slightly as he thought back to that day. “I wanted to ask you out that day, but the vibe you were giving off held me back. So I took the friends route. Then we got to know each other a little better and I realized how much I liked being with you, and I thought to myself - what the hell - I’m gonna ask her out.” He bit his lip and inhaled loudly. “Then you said you weren’t looking for a hook-up but something more lasting... do you remember that?”
“Yeah... you said that’s what you wanted too.”
“Right - and I meant it, Penny. I actually saw a future with you. I still do. You wanted to take it slow and I was fine with that. We’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks, but I’ve loved every second of it - I thought you did too.”
“I did! I am!”
“Really? ‘Cause all this stuff with Sheldon...”
“Everyone who knows Sheldon, has stuff with Sheldon!”
“And then there was Jordan tonight.”
“What about Jordan?” She asked through clenched teeth.
“You’re jealous of her.”
“Are you insane?”
“Penny - I was watching you! You did exactly what Sheldon did with me - you were rude to her and you spent the rest of the time glaring daggers at her.”
“Yup - you are officially off your rocker.” This time the daggers in her gaze were directed at him. He laughed quietly.
“I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but you need to talk things over with Sheldon, honey. This goes way beyond me, or Jordan, or even Thai food. Sort through all that stuff that you guys were trying not to do today. Think about why you needed to talk to him every night. And why you snuck into his room at 4 in the morning to welcome him back home. And for goodness sake, think about why you would interview the staff and chef at restaurant just to make sure he would get a wonderful welcome home dinner!” He smiled kindly at her, but looked dejected at the same time. “Just remember though, that no matter how special he is, underneath it all - he still - is just a guy, who likes a girl, and I think that girl likes him too - she’s just afraid to admit it.” She stayed quiet, but her eyes had misted over, and somehow he had the answer to the question he hadn’t had the heart to ask. He kissed her softly on the mouth, stood and walked to the door.
“If, after your talk,” he said, one hand on the doorknob, “you feel like you still want to see me, then give me a call. I’m here for you if you need me, regardless. Goodbye, Penny. And good luck.”
****
“So... Sheldon, you wanna catch me up?”
“Leonard,” Sheldon huffed as he turned down his comforter, “it’s time for bed, and you’re in my room. What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Leonard cried, looking mystified. “Sheldon - what’s wrong with you?”
“I am functioning normally,” Sheldon hedged.
“Normal? You call what happened tonight - with Penny, before you can pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about - you call that normal?”
“It was not abnormal.”
“Sheldon!” Leonard exclaimed, clearly having held his peace for far too long during their dessert outing with Jordan. “You just got back from the North Pole. It hasn’t even been a day since you arrived and you went ballistic and banished Penny the first time you saw her!”
“It wasn’t the first time I saw her.”
“What do you mean?” Leonard asked in a puzzled tone. “Don’t try and distract me from the point I’m trying to make.”
“I saw her this morning.”
“Sheldon, I drove you to work - we spent the entire day there and came home together. When did see Penny?”
“She came into my room,” he tried to make it sound like a complaint, but instead it sounded strangely wistful. At least it did to Leonard. He decided to proceed cautiously, so as not to spook Sheldon.
“When?”
“This morning,” Sheldon answered quietly, sitting down at the foot of his bed.
“What time this morning? I was up at seven.”
“It was around four.”
“I’m guessing she used the emergency key?”
“Clearly, since her definition of an emergency greatly diverges from the commonly accepted meaning.”
“So she came to say welcome back?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t sound too contentious. Did it lead to an argument about why she shouldn’t be in your room?”
“No.”
“Sheldon?”
“No!” Leonard would have bought that answer if it hadn’t been, a mere second later, followed by a twitch.
“Are you sure?”
“I did tell her she couldn’t be in my room.”
“Sheldon - she knows better than anybody not to break your rules, but buddy, she probably missed you. We all did. In our own little, strange, inexplicable ways - we all like you, Sheldon. It’s good to have you home. Missing a friend when they go away and you haven’t seen or spoken to them in months - that’s not a bad thing. It’s part of the usual social interactions that define a friendship.”
“We spoke to each other nearly every day.”
“What?”
“We spoke to each other almost every day while I was away,” he repeated, looking somewhat annoyed - at himself.
“You never mentioned that!” Leonard’s astonishment was reflected in his voice. “And come to think of it - neither did she!”
“Maybe it wasn’t worth mentioning,” Sheldon said morosely, staring at his striped socks as if they held the key to proving string theory. Leonard had a terrible feeling of impending doom.
“Wha...,” he started and then cleared his throat, bracing himself, “What did you talk about?”
“Oh, this and that. Mostly trivial things. A complete waste of my valuable time but... mostly everyday things.”
“I see.” Leonard looked at his crestfallen friend and really, really did not want to follow this line of questioning, but he knew he had to - because if his hypothesis was proved correct - then the consequences would be epic. “Did something else happen this morning, Sheldon?”
“She jumped me, Leonard!” Sheldon leapt up from the bed and started pacing the length of his room. “She jumped on me! She hugged me and rubbed her face against mine and cried into my neck and touched my hair and... and... was...” he gestured wildly with his hands, “she was pressed up against me... and I felt... it felt...” He flopped down on his bed, laid back and stared at the ceiling in dismay. “I liked it, Leonard.”
Leonard grasped the door for fear that he would collapse onto the floor if he didn’t. The room was spinning and he was sure the Earth had tilted off its axis.
“And all those times I talked to her, she never once mentioned Ryan,” Sheldon whispered. “Now I know how you felt - with all her past boyfriends.” He suddenly sat up and directed a distraught look at Leonard. “We should start a Penny Anti-Appreciation society and never speak to her again. Do you think we should move? Or devise some nefarious scheme to make her move? I think I prefer the latter...”
“Sheldon - no one’s moving!” Leonard shouted, finally finding his voice. He swiped a hand down his face, buying time before he articulated his next question. “You liked it?”
“It felt...”
“Yeah?”
“It felt... wonderful.” Sheldon looked dazed. Leonard, on the other hand, could not help the slow smile that started at the corners of his mouth and extended merrily across the rest of his face.
“Sheldon - you have the hots for Penny!” He giggled, actually giggled at the thought. The Revelation, with a capital “R”, more like. Sheldon shot him a scathing glare. Leonard just grinned back at him and he eventually looked away - eyes downcast, studying his socks again.
“It’s much worse than that, Leonard,” he stated softly, dispiritedly. “I don’t have the hots for Penny,” he paused, as if contemplating the validity of that statement. “Okay, maybe I do,” he looked at Leonard, and Leonard could have sworn he could see into Sheldon’s soul. “I love Penny.”
Three words. The little words - inconsequential if taken separately but together, coming out of the mouth of Sheldon Cooper, PhD. - they had the power to shake the very foundation of Leonard’s existence.
And if he felt that way about it, then how the hell did Sheldon feel? Suddenly, all the craziness from earlier that evening made perfect, definitive sense.
“You love Penny?”
“Oh, must I repeat myself?” Sheldon fumed, standing up and going to his bedside table. He opened the drawer there and took out two notebooks. “It’s all in here. All the evidence has been collated, the data statistically analysed and the results are irrefutable. I’m in love with Penny.”
“Are those your daily activities’ log books?”
“Yeah.”
“May I?”
“Suit yourself,” he said quietly, tossing the books on the bed.
Leonard picked up one, and then the other, carefully perusing their contents. Sheldon had not been exaggerating - well, of course not - but they were thorough recordings of his adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin levels, tracked on a weekly basis, all showing an increasing trend. There were charts detailing accelerated heart rates, sweat production, spikes in energy levels, decreased sleep times, and lessened caloric intake. And finally, there were the doodles to consider: tiny little hearts, and flowers that looked suspiciously like Penny Blossoms.
Leonard sat down before his legs could give out.
“Sheldon, you have to tell her.”
“That suggestion is harebrained and absurd in the extreme! Have you forgotten about Ryan? Her boyfriend?” Sheldon spat, repulsed. “Wolowitz was right - he is perfect. And he’s a vast improvement over the usual men she enters into inconsequential relationships with. I can’t tell her. I won’t be ridiculed. I’m not like you in that regard.” Leonard pursed his lips in annoyance at that, true though it was, he didn’t like to be reminded of it.
“Sheldon, you said it yourself - inconsequential relationships.”
“And you said - it’s different this time. Her joy is palpable. You thought she was in love.”
“Oh. Right.”
“
Right.” Sheldon sat down on the bed next to his roommate.
“I’m sorry, buddy.”
“Do you mind?” Sheldon asked after a few moments of contemplative silence.
“That you like - love - Penny?”
“Yeah.”
“How can I mind that?” They looked at each other, Sheldon’s face stoic, and Leonard’s reassuring. “It’s all in here, Sheldon, and you can’t argue with the data,” he stated, holding up Sheldon’s log books. “I have never felt any of this for Penny. This is intense. This is epic.”
“It’s also irrelevant. But I’m glad there will be no ill feelings between us. I would never want to deleteriously alter the parameters of our friendship.”
“That means a lot to me, Sheldon, but I still think you should tell her - Ryan be damned. He’s not my friend. Your happiness is more important to me.”
“And Penny’s happiness is more important to me.”
Leonard looked at his friend and colleague and all-round-neurotic-bastard and was completely humbled by his quiet words. And as he stood to take his leave - because really, what could he have possibly said after that statement - he felt like life as they had known it, would never be the same again. And it made him sad and hopeful all at the same time.
He shut Sheldon’s door behind him, and walked over to his whiteboard in the living room, meticulously erasing all the calculations that had been written there. Then he picked up a marker and started plotting.
Title: The Intrinsic Happiness Quotient (6/?)
Spoilers: Everything up to and including 2 X 23
Rating: R (if I’m encouraged to go there)
Word Count: 3,293
Disclaimer: Not mine... although I wish I had my own Sheldon *sigh*
X-posted to Paradox (sheldon_penny): http://community.livejournal.com/sheldon_penny/367536.html
SIX: OF REALITY AND REALIZATIONS
Penny stormed into her own apartment and flopped down on the couch, Ryan closing the door quietly behind her. He stood uncertainly by the door before grabbing a box of tissues and sitting down next to her on the couch.
“I’m guessing the movie is not gonna happen tonight,” he said with a quiet laugh, that he wiped off his face the moment she glared him. “No problem. Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds can wait. I’m happy just sitting here as long as you’re sitting next to me.”
She grabbed a couple of tissues, dabbed at her eyes and turned away from him again, wringing her clenched hands in her lap. They stayed that way for a few minutes before Ryan spoke again.
“That Sheldon is something else, huh? Man, I thought Leonard and Howard were exaggerating about him but I think they actually glossed over a few things. He’s psychotic.”
“He’s not psychotic!” She exclaimed, defensively. “He’s just... Sheldon. He just takes some getting used to, that’s all. Don’t ever call him that again.”
“Okaaaay. I still think he’s a little scary. Man - if looks could kill - I don’t think I’d be sitting here talking to you right now. It’s not like he didn’t want me there - it’s like he didn’t want me to exist.”
Penny glanced at him in surprise. “Don’t be silly. He’s just... like that sometimes, you know? Difficult. He doesn’t make friends easily. He’s kind of socially awkward. And I forgot to tell him about you.”
“But I thought you talked him once in a while when he was in the Arctic?”
“Yeah, I did,” Penny mumbled, looking away from him again. “Once in a while.”
“I don’t get it though - why would that be such a big deal to him?”
“Sheldon doesn’t do too well with change.”
“Well, I guess there must be some redeeming qualities to him if you guys are still friends.”
“There’s lots of wonderful things about Sheldon!” Penny exclaimed, bizarrely upset that he hadn’t come to this realization himself. “He’s really sweet, and innocent, and... wonderful. But at the same time he can be a prick. You just deal with it, you know? I mean - that’s how we do it. If Leonard has an issue with him - I’ll step in to mediate, and if I have an issue with him - and there are a lot of issues between us - then Leonard steps in.”
“That seems like a lot of work to keep one person happy.”
“Well, it’s worth it! Usually. Not tonight - but I’m sure this’ll blow over. And if it doesn’t, I’ll tell his mother on him and everything will return to normal.”
“You’ll tell his mother on him?” He chuckled.
“She’s Sheldon’s kryptonite. That’s a Superman reference.”
“Honey, I know.” Penny looked away again, and Ryan scooted up and over to sit on the coffee table, facing her. “Hey, beautiful - talk to me. I know Sheldon upset you - but what I couldn’t figure out was why. Did something happen just before I got there?”
“No.”
“So - it was just me then?”
“No!” She looked aghast at the thought. “I don’t know. He was fine this morning! Same old Sheldon.”
“This morning?”
“Yeah, I saw him before I left for rehearsal.”
“At 4 a.m.? What was he doing up?”
“He wasn’t up. I woke him up.”
“Well, maybe that’s why! I remember Leonard telling me something about his routines. You obviously disrupted them,” he said in a manner that implied the problem was now solved. Penny spared him a scathing glance.
“So I broke a couple of his rules - I was in his room, I was on his bed - whatever. I’ve done that before too, and he didn’t hold it against me. The last time he did that was when I touched his food and ruined laundry night and he put my panties on the telephone wire.”
“Whaaaat?!” Ryan looked completely flummoxed.
“Yeah - I know what you’re thinking: How did he get them up there? Well, when you have an understanding of physics, Ryan, anything is possible.”
“Honey,” Ryan laughed, and cupped her face between his hands to stop her from babbling any further. “Let’s go back to this morning. You were in his room - on his bed?”
“Yeah, so? I went to say welcome back.”
“I actually can’t believe he would even let you into the apartment at 4 in the morning.”
“Don’t be silly, of course he wouldn’t. I have an emergency key.”
“You snuck in there?”
“It’s not sneaking when they gave me a key! And it’s not like Sheldon doesn’t do it too! Only he sneaks in here to clean.” Ryan took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes, obviously trying to make sense of what he was hearing.
“Penny - a beautiful woman comes into my bedroom at 4 in the morning to welcome me home after months being away...”
“Oh, please - get your mind out of the gutter. This is Sheldon!”
“He’s still just a man, Penny.” He frowned at her. “I feel like the way all of you treat him - with kid gloves if need be - you’re forgetting that little fact. He’s just a man - just like the rest of us.”
“He’s not like the rest of you! He’s different. He’s special!”
“I wish - you would think of me as being that special,” he smiled ruefully at her, not quite sure how to interpret what she was telling him.
“Of course, you’re special. Just not in the same way.”
“I see.” His laugh was a little self-deprecating. Penny searched his face as he momentarily looked away from her, his eyes trained on the floor. He seemed to be conflicted with something. She felt bad for him - none of this was his fault and he was a sweetheart for trying to understand it all anyway. But this had nothing to do with him - maybe she should be a good sport and go to that movie. However, the sex-for-dessert thing was not going to happen tonight. She and her big mouth.
She opened her mouth to suggest they go to the movie when he spoke.
“Do you know that in all the time we’ve been friends - what has it been - almost two months now? I have never seen you this emotional? It’s like you keep me at arm’s length, but tonight, I got to see a different side of you, a passionate - slightly crazy - side but I like it. Too bad, I had nothing to do with bringing that out in you.”
“Ryan...”
“Think about why Sheldon would be so upset with me. I really don’t understand - like you said you only spoke to him on and off while he was away. Maybe he was upset that you hadn’t said anything this morning.” Penny huffed in frustration.
“I spoke to him every other day, okay? Sometimes every day. I don’t know - it just never came up in conversation!”
“You spoke to him every day for five months?”
“Every other day! Mostly!”
“For how long?”
“For four months really, after Leonard and Howard returned home early.”
“No, I mean how long were your conversations?”
“Not long.”
“Like maybe 10 or 15 minutes?”
“Maybe - like 15... or 45. It varied.”
“Penny, I’m right here and you never talk to me that much!”
“Because you’re right here!”
“I think I finally get why Sheldon was so upset tonight.”
“After knowing him all of ten minutes?” She scoffed. “Do enlighten me.”
“He’s jealous.”
“Jealous?” Penny burst out laughing. “Sheldon? Jealous? Of what, for God’s sake?”
“Of me.”
“Of you?” she snorted. “Oh, honey, don’t take this the wrong way, but Sheldon’s like the smartest guy on the planet. He doesn’t do jealous-of-you - he would never compare himself to you. Einstein, maybe - but not you.”
“But Einstein didn’t have you.”
“That’s just ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah,” she glared at him, “It is.” Ryan studied her for a full minute before smiling somewhat sadly.
“You know, Penny - when I met you on set of the first commercial, I thought to myself - man, she’s beautiful, and look at her - her smile lights up the room.” His eyes glazed over slightly as he thought back to that day. “I wanted to ask you out that day, but the vibe you were giving off held me back. So I took the friends route. Then we got to know each other a little better and I realized how much I liked being with you, and I thought to myself - what the hell - I’m gonna ask her out.” He bit his lip and inhaled loudly. “Then you said you weren’t looking for a hook-up but something more lasting... do you remember that?”
“Yeah... you said that’s what you wanted too.”
“Right - and I meant it, Penny. I actually saw a future with you. I still do. You wanted to take it slow and I was fine with that. We’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks, but I’ve loved every second of it - I thought you did too.”
“I did! I am!”
“Really? ‘Cause all this stuff with Sheldon...”
“Everyone who knows Sheldon, has stuff with Sheldon!”
“And then there was Jordan tonight.”
“What about Jordan?” She asked through clenched teeth.
“You’re jealous of her.”
“Are you insane?”
“Penny - I was watching you! You did exactly what Sheldon did with me - you were rude to her and you spent the rest of the time glaring daggers at her.”
“Yup - you are officially off your rocker.” This time the daggers in her gaze were directed at him. He laughed quietly.
“I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but you need to talk things over with Sheldon, honey. This goes way beyond me, or Jordan, or even Thai food. Sort through all that stuff that you guys were trying not to do today. Think about why you needed to talk to him every night. And why you snuck into his room at 4 in the morning to welcome him back home. And for goodness sake, think about why you would interview the staff and chef at restaurant just to make sure he would get a wonderful welcome home dinner!” He smiled kindly at her, but looked dejected at the same time. “Just remember though, that no matter how special he is, underneath it all - he still - is just a guy, who likes a girl, and I think that girl likes him too - she’s just afraid to admit it.” She stayed quiet, but her eyes had misted over, and somehow he had the answer to the question he hadn’t had the heart to ask. He kissed her softly on the mouth, stood and walked to the door.
“If, after your talk,” he said, one hand on the doorknob, “you feel like you still want to see me, then give me a call. I’m here for you if you need me, regardless. Goodbye, Penny. And good luck.”
****
“So... Sheldon, you wanna catch me up?”
“Leonard,” Sheldon huffed as he turned down his comforter, “it’s time for bed, and you’re in my room. What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Leonard cried, looking mystified. “Sheldon - what’s wrong with you?”
“I am functioning normally,” Sheldon hedged.
“Normal? You call what happened tonight - with Penny, before you can pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about - you call that normal?”
“It was not abnormal.”
“Sheldon!” Leonard exclaimed, clearly having held his peace for far too long during their dessert outing with Jordan. “You just got back from the North Pole. It hasn’t even been a day since you arrived and you went ballistic and banished Penny the first time you saw her!”
“It wasn’t the first time I saw her.”
“What do you mean?” Leonard asked in a puzzled tone. “Don’t try and distract me from the point I’m trying to make.”
“I saw her this morning.”
“Sheldon, I drove you to work - we spent the entire day there and came home together. When did see Penny?”
“She came into my room,” he tried to make it sound like a complaint, but instead it sounded strangely wistful. At least it did to Leonard. He decided to proceed cautiously, so as not to spook Sheldon.
“When?”
“This morning,” Sheldon answered quietly, sitting down at the foot of his bed.
“What time this morning? I was up at seven.”
“It was around four.”
“I’m guessing she used the emergency key?”
“Clearly, since her definition of an emergency greatly diverges from the commonly accepted meaning.”
“So she came to say welcome back?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t sound too contentious. Did it lead to an argument about why she shouldn’t be in your room?”
“No.”
“Sheldon?”
“No!” Leonard would have bought that answer if it hadn’t been, a mere second later, followed by a twitch.
“Are you sure?”
“I did tell her she couldn’t be in my room.”
“Sheldon - she knows better than anybody not to break your rules, but buddy, she probably missed you. We all did. In our own little, strange, inexplicable ways - we all like you, Sheldon. It’s good to have you home. Missing a friend when they go away and you haven’t seen or spoken to them in months - that’s not a bad thing. It’s part of the usual social interactions that define a friendship.”
“We spoke to each other nearly every day.”
“What?”
“We spoke to each other almost every day while I was away,” he repeated, looking somewhat annoyed - at himself.
“You never mentioned that!” Leonard’s astonishment was reflected in his voice. “And come to think of it - neither did she!”
“Maybe it wasn’t worth mentioning,” Sheldon said morosely, staring at his striped socks as if they held the key to proving string theory. Leonard had a terrible feeling of impending doom.
“Wha...,” he started and then cleared his throat, bracing himself, “What did you talk about?”
“Oh, this and that. Mostly trivial things. A complete waste of my valuable time but... mostly everyday things.”
“I see.” Leonard looked at his crestfallen friend and really, really did not want to follow this line of questioning, but he knew he had to - because if his hypothesis was proved correct - then the consequences would be epic. “Did something else happen this morning, Sheldon?”
“She jumped me, Leonard!” Sheldon leapt up from the bed and started pacing the length of his room. “She jumped on me! She hugged me and rubbed her face against mine and cried into my neck and touched my hair and... and... was...” he gestured wildly with his hands, “she was pressed up against me... and I felt... it felt...” He flopped down on his bed, laid back and stared at the ceiling in dismay. “I liked it, Leonard.”
Leonard grasped the door for fear that he would collapse onto the floor if he didn’t. The room was spinning and he was sure the Earth had tilted off its axis.
“And all those times I talked to her, she never once mentioned Ryan,” Sheldon whispered. “Now I know how you felt - with all her past boyfriends.” He suddenly sat up and directed a distraught look at Leonard. “We should start a Penny Anti-Appreciation society and never speak to her again. Do you think we should move? Or devise some nefarious scheme to make her move? I think I prefer the latter...”
“Sheldon - no one’s moving!” Leonard shouted, finally finding his voice. He swiped a hand down his face, buying time before he articulated his next question. “You liked it?”
“It felt...”
“Yeah?”
“It felt... wonderful.” Sheldon looked dazed. Leonard, on the other hand, could not help the slow smile that started at the corners of his mouth and extended merrily across the rest of his face.
“Sheldon - you have the hots for Penny!” He giggled, actually giggled at the thought. The Revelation, with a capital “R”, more like. Sheldon shot him a scathing glare. Leonard just grinned back at him and he eventually looked away - eyes downcast, studying his socks again.
“It’s much worse than that, Leonard,” he stated softly, dispiritedly. “I don’t have the hots for Penny,” he paused, as if contemplating the validity of that statement. “Okay, maybe I do,” he looked at Leonard, and Leonard could have sworn he could see into Sheldon’s soul. “I love Penny.”
Three words. The little words - inconsequential if taken separately but together, coming out of the mouth of Sheldon Cooper, PhD. - they had the power to shake the very foundation of Leonard’s existence.
And if he felt that way about it, then how the hell did Sheldon feel? Suddenly, all the craziness from earlier that evening made perfect, definitive sense.
“You love Penny?”
“Oh, must I repeat myself?” Sheldon fumed, standing up and going to his bedside table. He opened the drawer there and took out two notebooks. “It’s all in here. All the evidence has been collated, the data statistically analysed and the results are irrefutable. I’m in love with Penny.”
“Are those your daily activities’ log books?”
“Yeah.”
“May I?”
“Suit yourself,” he said quietly, tossing the books on the bed.
Leonard picked up one, and then the other, carefully perusing their contents. Sheldon had not been exaggerating - well, of course not - but they were thorough recordings of his adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin levels, tracked on a weekly basis, all showing an increasing trend. There were charts detailing accelerated heart rates, sweat production, spikes in energy levels, decreased sleep times, and lessened caloric intake. And finally, there were the doodles to consider: tiny little hearts, and flowers that looked suspiciously like Penny Blossoms.
Leonard sat down before his legs could give out.
“Sheldon, you have to tell her.”
“That suggestion is harebrained and absurd in the extreme! Have you forgotten about Ryan? Her boyfriend?” Sheldon spat, repulsed. “Wolowitz was right - he is perfect. And he’s a vast improvement over the usual men she enters into inconsequential relationships with. I can’t tell her. I won’t be ridiculed. I’m not like you in that regard.” Leonard pursed his lips in annoyance at that, true though it was, he didn’t like to be reminded of it.
“Sheldon, you said it yourself - inconsequential relationships.”
“And you said - it’s different this time. Her joy is palpable. You thought she was in love.”
“Oh. Right.”
“
Right.” Sheldon sat down on the bed next to his roommate.
“I’m sorry, buddy.”
“Do you mind?” Sheldon asked after a few moments of contemplative silence.
“That you like - love - Penny?”
“Yeah.”
“How can I mind that?” They looked at each other, Sheldon’s face stoic, and Leonard’s reassuring. “It’s all in here, Sheldon, and you can’t argue with the data,” he stated, holding up Sheldon’s log books. “I have never felt any of this for Penny. This is intense. This is epic.”
“It’s also irrelevant. But I’m glad there will be no ill feelings between us. I would never want to deleteriously alter the parameters of our friendship.”
“That means a lot to me, Sheldon, but I still think you should tell her - Ryan be damned. He’s not my friend. Your happiness is more important to me.”
“And Penny’s happiness is more important to me.”
Leonard looked at his friend and colleague and all-round-neurotic-bastard and was completely humbled by his quiet words. And as he stood to take his leave - because really, what could he have possibly said after that statement - he felt like life as they had known it, would never be the same again. And it made him sad and hopeful all at the same time.
He shut Sheldon’s door behind him, and walked over to his whiteboard in the living room, meticulously erasing all the calculations that had been written there. Then he picked up a marker and started plotting.