Closed Doors and Open Windows (7/9)
Title: YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT …
Author: The Fifth Musketeer
Email: TheFifthMusketeer@hotmail.com
Pairing: B/E, B/C
Rating: NC-17 (language, sexual situations)
Fandom: Everwood
Disclaimer: No, they're not mine. Sue me - I dare you.
Spoilers: We've wandered into full-on AU here kids. While the plots of this series are based around episode events - I'm playing fast and loose with the timeline and the actual plot points. So spoilers, while present, are nominal.
Notes: Continuation of the series. As with all in the series so far - un-betad, so forgive me in advance.
Feedback: Yes, please.
EPHRAM
Two weeks.
Fourteen days.
Three hundred and thirty-six hours.
Twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty minutes.
One million, two hundred and nine thousand, six hundred seconds.
Since I've seen Bright.
I didn't go back to the hospital after that day, and even though Bright never called, I forced myself to believe in what Dad had said about the way Bright looks at me.
Don't misunderstand - there's a part of me that's afraid he's wrong. And even if he isn't, that doesn't mean that he doesn't look at Colin the same way.
By the time I got up the nerve to go see Bright, he was already gone. Edna came by to tell me that Bright was okay - his parents were just sending him to Mrs. Abbot's parents' to recuperate.
But it's been two weeks and still not a word from him.
I wrote him an email telling him what had happened - what Colin had done. But I couldn't send it, partly because I can't bring myself to hurt him, and partly because I'm a little afraid that Colin was right: he won't believe me.
And yet, part of me feels like I owe it to him. Bright should know. He should be told that the Colin walking around Everwood isn't the guy Bright loved - loves. I don't want to believe that Bright would love this guy - but I can't completely push aside the fear that he might.
And there's something else. I want Bright - more than anything I've ever wanted with the possibly exception of my Mom back. But this little voice inside of me keeps whispering that I don't want him because Colin's not available. I don't want him to choose me because he can't have the guy he really wants. How horrible would that be: to get the guy only because his first choice went on permanent vacation? I couldn't live like that.
But then the same voice says that Bright wouldn't do that to me.
I wish the voice in my head would make up its mind or shut the hell up.
I'll just have to wait and see - hold on tight to what Dad said. Who would have thought that something that came out of my father's mouth could mean so much to me?
And not just the stuff about Bright's feelings.
I didn't realize it, but I needed to hear him say he wouldn't hate me if I was gay. I couldn't even admit to myself how important knowing he still loves me is. When he told me that, it was like this huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
It gave me courage. I won't let Colin push me aside. I'm not some brainless Everwood Colin fan. I've seen the strings - I know how this particular puppet-master works. I refuse to bow down and accept this bullshit divine right of kings thing everyone else just affords him because of his history.
I've only seen him once since the exciting episode of Ephram bashing. The asshole acted like nothing had happened. It was clearly for Amy's benefit - not that I know exactly how she'd react even if she knew. She's still clearly the president and charter member of the Colin Hart Ass-kissers Society.
But there's something in her eyes lately - makes me wonder what exactly she knows about this sordid little soap opera I've wandered into - and just what she's thinking under all of those stony expressions she's been wearing.
Part of me hopes her eyes are more open than she wants the world to think. I may not have feelings for her anymore, but I don't want her to get hurt.
Anyway … Edna told Delia that Bright is coming home tomorrow. So I'm steeling myself for whatever's to come.
Twenty-four hours.
One thousand, four hundred and forty minutes.
Eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds.
Welcome home, Bright.
Please pick me.
BRIGHT
The road is a blur. All I see is snow on the landscape - snow falling - and headlights cutting through the darkness.
Back to Everwood.
Back to real life.
I've had two weeks to think. Two weeks of Colin's words pounding in my head. Two weeks of waking up in a cold sweat to the sound of Ephram being slammed against a wall - the sound of Grandma's voice telling Colin to let Ephram go.
She sounded afraid.
I've never heard her sound afraid before.
Mom's been respecting my silence. At first I was worried that Grandma had told her what happened, but somehow I know she wouldn't do that.
I haven't spoken to Ephram. I picked up the phone a thousand times to call him, but I always chickened out. What happened to him was my fault. What if he hates me for what Colin did? What if he believes what Colin told him?
I don't think I could handle that.
We're about thirty miles from Everwood. The snow is getting worse, so it's slow going. And it's late, so I guess I get one more night's reprieve from having to face everything head-on.
One more night before the real storm starts.
Before I finally see how brave I can be.
Before everything changes.
Forever.
AMY
Bright and Mom finally got home last night. I could tell he was a mess. We didn't say much to each other. He just went to bed.
I'm sure he'd have a lot to say if he knew the truth - that I was there - at the hospital. He doesn't know I heard what Colin said to Ephram - saw him do what he did to him.
I wanted to stop it, but it was like I was frozen in place. In one moment, all of my suspicions took shape and even thought I was scared he was going to hurt Ephram, it was like I couldn't move. Luckily Grandma and Irv intervened.
So I just pretended I didn't see anything. And it was easy - until the next day when I saw Ephram at school and noticed bruises on his neck.
I almost didn't make it to the bathroom before I threw up.
But don't feel sorry for me. I asked for this. And even though I know what I know, something inside won't let Colin go.
Dad's been fussing over Bright all day, which is actually kinda nice. I can see that even though he grouses about it, it means something to Bright that Dad is so worried about him.
It took almost all day for Bright to convince Dad he was well enough to go out - and even then, Dad only relented when Mom suggested that she drive him.
After they convinced Dad, I heard Bright on the phone. He called Colin - asked him to meet him at the overlook behind the school in two hours.
He and Mom left right after that. I'm not sure where he was going before he was supposed to meet Colin, but as far as the actual meeting is concerned, I want to hear what they talk about. I tell myself it's a bad idea and think I'm convinced, but as the hour gets closer, my resolve breaks down.
So I'm going.
And I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret it.
~~~
Bright's mother had been driving him around all day - mostly to appease his father. Harold didn't want him driving. Something about his reflexes not being back to normal.
Luckily, his mom understood that he didn't need to be looked after every minute, so when he asked to be dropped at the school, she told him to call when he was ready to come home. He was glad that she didn't ask too many questions. This was definitely not something he wanted to discuss with her. So after she drove away he circled around the gym and headed for the overlook.
It had finally stopped snowing, though it looked like it was only a momentary reprieve. As he headed up the hill on foot, he could see Colin sitting on the bench. He felt his stomach tighten. With a deep breath, he willed his body to relax and walked toward him.
Colin smiled at Bright as he approached. “Hey. Looks like you're feeling better.”
“Good enough,” Bright said tightly.
“I was worried.” Colin got up off the bench and closed the distance between them. “I missed you.” He reached out and touched Bright's chest.
Bright flinched. Colin leaned in to kiss him and was met with Bright's hand pressing him away. “Don't touch me.”
Colin noticed that Bright wouldn't look him in the eye. “What's the matter, baby?”
“Baby? Are you fucking kidding me?” Bright turned his eyes away from him.
Colin put on his most seductive tone. “Are you mad at me? Let me make it better.” He reached down and started to undo Bright's zipper.
Bright jerked away. “Fuck you, Colin.”
Colin felt a twitch of anger rise inside him. “What the hell is your problem?”
Bright gave him a bitter smile. “You really think I don't know?”
Colin's was impassive. “Know what?”
Bright shook his head. “Okay, you want to play it that way? Fine. I've been busy this afternoon. I ran into Pierson - you remember him? One of the guys I was rooming with on the ski trip? He told me how you swung by and convinced them it would be a good idea to vacate - said I wanted them all out of the room so I could fuck Gemma. Funny, I don't remember asking you to do that.”
Colin pursed his lips, but stayed silent.
“What? Don't you have anything to say? Okay. After that, I went and had a nice visit with Gemma. She's dating Fuller now, by the way. She apologized for hooking up with him without talking to me. Told me to tell you hi - and how lucky I was to have a friend like you. Seems you were the reason she kept trying with me. She said you explained how shy I was, but how all I could talk about was getting together with her. She thought it was sweet.”
“You always liked her Bright.” Colin's tone was edging toward defensive.
“That's bullshit, and you know it Colin.”
Colin let out a slow breath. “So what? Does any of this really matter? So you didn't want Gemma. What's the big deal? I figured if you dated her, you and I could pick up where we left off and no one would suspect anything.”
“But Colin, you said you didn't remember us until after all of that had happened.” Irony dripped from Bright's reply.
Colin swallowed. “Well, I was starting to remember little things …”
“Don't fucking lie to me Colin. You never forgot, did you? You remembered and decided that it would just be easier to pretend you didn't.”
Anger was starting to leak out around Colin's innocent façade. “Did Brown tell you that?”
Bright's eyes widened and a bitter laugh worked its way out of him. “You are fucking unbelievable. After everything, you still want to lay this off on Ephram - like he's the one who fucked up.”
“I was just trying to do you a favor.” Colin's lips tightened into a grim line.
Bright shook his head. “My God … you really believe that don't you?”
Colin moved toward him. “It's the truth. Ephram latched on to you and wouldn't let go. So I gave him a reason to. Not that he was smart enough to catch the hint.”
Bright flexed his fists and tried to keep the control that was threatening to forsake him. “I don't remember asking you to do that.” He finally looked straight into Colin's eyes, where he found cold defiance starting back. “In fact, I don't remember asking you for anything.”
Colin snickered. “Oh, come on Bright. We both know he was a problem. You felt guilty. You'd fucked around with him a little and he thought it meant that you were in love with him or something.”
Bright spoke calmly, denying the tempest brewing in his stomach. “So it was your place to make sure that he knew I didn't? What made you so positive?”
“Because you love me.”
Bright chuckled. “You sure about that?”
Bright's calm seemed to unnerve Colin, who finally started showing the anger and frustration he was really feeling. “Fuck yes, I'm sure. You told me so. And I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. You want me. You love me. What - you're going to tell me that you don't?”
Bright smiled thinly. “No. I did love Colin. Part of me will always love him. But you're not him. I don't know who the fuck you are - but you're not the guy I loved.”
Colin looked at him like he was crazy. “What the fuck are you talking about? What are you saying? That these aren't the lips you kissed.” Colin forced their mouths together, pushing his tongue against Bright's pursed lips. Bright jerked his head away.
“This isn't the body that you still think about when you come?” He reached down and opened his jeans - pulling his half-hard dick out of his fly. “This isn't the cock that you dream about every night? 'Cause if that's what you're saying, you're lying.” Colin ground himself to hardness against Bright's thigh. “I know you still want me.”
Bright's breath was shallow. “I don't want anything from you.”
Colin laughed. “Liar. I remember how you were. You loved my cock. You took it down your throat ever chance you got. It's hard. Tell me you don't want it in your mouth right now.” He pushed down on Bright's shoulders, trying to force him to his knees.
Bright felt his stomach turn. He gave Colin a hard push, sending him a few feet away from him. “Don't ever touch me again.”
Colin laughed. “You want it. I can tell.” He stroked himself and took a step toward Bright. “Stop fighting it and get down there and do what you do best.”
Bright's eyes widened. “Dude, you are completely delusional.”
Colin stopped short. “Are you telling me that you'd rather fuck around with that little New York faggot that be with me? I don't think so. You're mine. You always were - you always will be.”
Bright felt his hands starting to tingle. “Fuck off. I don't belong to you. And just for the record, when we were together, I was never the one begging to be fucked.”
Colin froze as his own words slapped him in the face. “So the little bitch came running to you and told you I was mean to him? Convinced you that you should protect him from me?”
“Ephram didn't tell me anything. You were just too caught up in your little power play to realize that the sound in hospital corridors carries.”
The smirk on Colin's face twitched. “So you heard. So what? He needed to understand how things really are.”
Bight laughed in disbelief. “How things really are? Colin, you've been lying since the moment you came home from the hospital. You manipulated me. You manipulated Ephram. Fuck, you manipulated half the student-body at County. You set it up so Ephram would think I was jerking him around. You went out of your way to make sure that he would see us together and get the wrong idea.”
Colin smiled. “There was nothing wrong with the idea.”
Bright couldn't believe Colin was still justifying himself. “You pushed it too far Colin. You crossed a line that you can't come back from. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you're not the same guy you were before. You're broken Colin. You need help. You enjoyed hurting Ephram. You were getting off on it. That's not the guy I loved. You're not the guy I loved.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still me. You just never wanted to see it before.”
Bright shook his head. “Bullshit. My Colin had a lot of faults. He was too concerned about what other people thought. He was cocky. He loved being treated like the golden boy a little too much. He was kind of a coward. I knew all of those things and I still loved him.” Bright took a breath. “But he wasn't cruel. He didn't hurt people for fun. I don't love you. I don't even want to know this person you are now.”
Bright turned his back to leave. He heard Colin over his shoulder. “So you're going to go play house with Brown? Good luck.”
Bright turned and looked at him. “Thanks.”
Colin's eyes looked almost dead. “You'll need it. I wonder what the guys will think about having a faggot on the team.” Bright's heart stopped for a second. Colin smirked. “Jocks are not historically known for their tolerance.”
Bright glared at him. “I can take care of myself.”
Colin smiled innocently. “Yeah. I guess you can.” Bright turned to leave again, but Colin's voice caught him. “I wonder if your little boyfriend can, though?”
Bright felt his entire body tense.
“I wonder how he'd do if they surprised him walking home one night - or maybe they might corner him in the locker room.” Colin shook his head. “I wonder if he could take care of himself? He's kinda little, ya' know?”
Bright felt anger welling up inside of him. “You wouldn't …”
Colin smiled. “No, of course not. But I can't really control the guys. And you know how rowdy they can get. I'll admit - Brown does have a nice, tight little ass. I know none of the guys are fags, but I'll bet they'd make an exception - like I made with you.”
The next second seemed to fall out of time. Suddenly Colin was on his back in the snow, blood pooling as it leaked from his mouth.
He was pinned under Bright's superior weight, as Bright wrapped his hand around his throat and squeezed. “You like this? Does this get your dick hard? Is it as much of a turn-on when you're the one fighting for breath? Does this excite you, baby?”
Colin gasped as Bright squeezed a little harder and leaned in until they were face to face. For the first time there was genuine fear in Colin's eyes.
Bright's voice was deadly calm. “Listen to me and really hear me this time. If you ever touch Ephram again … if you ever touch anyone I love ever again … I will put you back into that coma personally. If you pull any more shit that hurts people I care about - I will end you. Are we clear?”
Colin's eyes widened as he saw the deadly serious expression on Bright's face. He nodded his head.
From somewhere behind them a voice pulled them out of their fever. “Bright, what are you doing?”
Amy rushed to Colin and pulled him to her. “Oh, my God. Colin, you're bleeding.” She looked at her brother with venomous eyes. “What the hell do you think you're doing?”
Bright's eyes never left Colin's as he relinquished his grip. “Growing up.”
And with that, he turned and walked away, ignoring Amy's accusing voice that followed him. He left the overlook and headed toward town, leaving Colin to spin whatever lies he would have to to explain the situation to Amy.
---
Bright had been walking less than two minutes when he started to shake. It was starting to snow again and he wasn't wearing a warm coat - just a jacket over his sweater. He couldn't breath and he saw the world bleed into a wet canvas as his eyes filled with tears.
He willed himself to get it under control. He had to pull it together for just a little while longer. A few more minutes and everything would be okay. A few more minutes and he'd be safe.
---
Ephram sat on the couch, trying to focus on his newest Manga. It was Saturday night and like all Saturday night's there was nothing on television. To top it off, the house was too quiet to distract his mind from all the things he was trying to push aside for the time being.
It had been easier when the house was busy, but his dad and grandparents had taken Delia to a hockey game in Denver. He had begged off and his dad had understood.
No matter what he tried, his mind came back to the same thing: Bright had been home for twenty-four hours and he still hadn't called. The obnoxious little voice in his head was telling him that it was over - Colin had won.
He looked outside and saw that it had started snowing again. Something about all that white made him feel cold, and even though he knew it was psychosomatic he went to the thermostat and turned up the heat.
Just as he'd plopped back down on the sofa, the doorbell rang. He sighed and headed for the door.
He opened it and his heart was suddenly in his throat.
Bright stood in the doorway. He looked like someone had run him over with a truck. His clothes were soaked through and his teeth were chattering. It was clear he'd been crying.
He reached for Bright's hands, alarm clear in his voice. “Bright. Are you okay?”
Bright's expression was blank and he wouldn't meet Ephram's eyes. “Please ...”
Ephram's stomach lurched a little and he pulled Bright inside and shut the door. “What happened?”
Bright's voice was quiet. “I didn't know if you'd want to see me.” Bright's body shuddered.
Ephram saw tears welling in Bright's eyes. Something was obviously wrong. “Why would you think that?”
Bright finally lifted his head and tears spilled down his cheeks. “He hurt you. Because of me.”
Ephram felt his stomach drop. He knew that finding out what had happened must have killed Bright. He was at a loss as to how to help him.
So he did the only thing he could think of - he pulled Bright to him and hugged him tightly. “I'm okay. Really. And it wasn't your fault.”
Bright's spoke into Ephram's shoulder as he hugged back. “Yes, it was. If I had listened to my instincts, none of this would have happened. I knew something was wrong with him. I knew that he was acting strange. But I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.”
Ephram sighed. “Come on, Bright. It's not like you could have predicted that he was going to freak out.”
Bright pulled away and looked into Ephram's eyes. “But he could have really hurt you.”
“Well, he didn't. I'm fine. I promise.” Ephram reached up and stroked Bright's cheek tenderly. “God, Bright. You're ice cold.” Ephram's mind raced for a solution. “We need to warm you up. Why don't you go take a shower and I'll make you some hot tea.”
“But …”
Ephram cut him off. “We'll talk more later.”
“My parents …”
Ephram touched his arm. “Don't worry. I'll take care of it.”
Bright sighed. “They think I'm at the school.”
Ephram squeezed his arm gently and smiled at him. “I'll take care of it. Now go get in the shower.”
Bright nodded his head. As he started to walk away, Ephram caught his hand. Bright turned around to him and looked into his eyes. Ephram stepped forward and placed a gentle kiss on Bright's lips. “Everything's going to be okay.”
Bright gave him a little smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and turned and headed up the stairs.
Ephram went into the kitchen and put water on to boil. He picked up the phone and dialed Bright's number. As it rang, he prayed anyone would answer but Dr. Abbott.
“Hello?” There was a God.
“Hi, Mrs. Abbott. It's Ephram Brown.”
“Oh, hello dear.” There was tension in her voice.
“Are you okay?”
Mrs. Abbott let out a breath. “Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I'm just expecting a call from Bright.”
Ephram readied himself. “That's actually why I'm calling. I ran into Bright at the school. He came to my place to get the homework assignments he's missed.”
She let go of a sigh of relief. “Thank God. When he didn't call, I went to the school looking for him, but it was locked up tight. I've been stewing ever since.” She paused. “Why isn't he calling?”
Ephram's mind kicked into overdrive. “You know Bright. He hit the refrigerator as soon as he walked in the door. Lost a battle with a tub of marinara. He's in the shower.”
Mrs. Abbott chuckled. “That's my son. Well, I'll come by and pick him up.”
Ephram tried to sound casual. “Actually, it's snowing pretty hard. If it's okay, he's welcome to stay here tonight. He looks pretty wiped. He'll probably just sack out.”
“Are you sure it won't be any trouble.”
Ephram smiled. “No problem. After the whole fiasco at Edna's party, Dad bought a whole bunch of extra snow stuff.”
Mrs. Abbott laughed. “Alright then. Just have him call tomorrow, will you?”
“Sure.”
They said their good-byes and hung up. Ephram let out a sigh of relief and went about making the tea.
A few minutes later the tea was steeping and he made his way upstairs to check on Bright. He heard the water running as he peeked into the bathroom and saw Bright's foggy silhouette under the spray. He closed the door and headed to his room.
It suddenly dawned on him that Bright needed dry clothes, and he pulled out a pair of baggy sweats, and a tee shirt from his “maybe I'll grow into this someday” pile. They would probably fit Bright. He went to the bathroom and dropped them onto the floor just inside the door, and returned to his room. He picked up the book he was reading and waited for Bright to finish.
A little while later, he sensed Bright in the doorway. “Tea's ready downstairs - are you feeling better …” His voice caught in his throat when he looked up and saw Bright standing there with only a towel slung low across his hips. “I got some clothes for you - I put them in the bathroom.”
Bright's eyes were locked onto Ephram. He crossed to room and sat down on the bed. Ephram could see a tear rolling down Bright's cheeks. He reached out and thumbed away another that was threatening to fall. “Okay - are you going to tell me what happened?”
Bright reached out and took Ephram's hand, and with a choked breath, let the entire story pour out of him.
Hearing Colin in the hospital.
His Grandma.
Realizing all the games Colin had been playing. Pierson and Gemma.
His and Colin's confrontation - though he glossed over the things Colin had said about Ephram.
How Bright had hit him - threatened him.
It was like he was purging poison out of his body.
Ephram listened silently and let him get the whole thing out. When he was finished, Ephram reached for Bright and pulled him into his arms as he felt tears of his own on his cheeks. “I'm so sorry, Bright.”
They stayed that way for several minutes - Ephram trying to pour his own strength into Bright through their embrace.
Finally they pulled apart and Ephram noticed the exhausted expression on Bright's face. He kissed Bright's forehead. “Maybe we should let this rest a while. We'll talk more later. I called your mom - everything's okay. She wants you to call her in the morning. Right now, I think you'd better get some sleep.”
“Yeah, that's probably a good idea.” Ephram pulled back the covers of his bed and moved so Bright could get in.
Bright looked at him. “Could we …” His eyes dropped away from Ephram.
“What?”
Bright sighed. “Would you stay with me?”
Ephram gave him a slight smile and nodded his head. “I'll go get your clothes out of the bathroom.”
He stood up, but Bright caught his hand. When Ephram turned back to him, Bright looked down. “I know everything is kinda fucked up right now, but could we …”
Ephram touched Bright's cheek. Bright's eyes came up to meet his. “Could it be … just us?”
Ephram wasn't sure what he meant. Bright struggled to clarify. “I know we have a lot to work out, but I need to be close to you - I need to feel you next to me.” Bright blushed a little. “I promise it's just to sleep.”
Ephram realized what he was asking. He hesitated for a second, but the look in Bright's eyes tore at his heart. He looked … fragile. Bright needed him.
With that thought, his hesitance faded away. He reached out and pulled the towel from around Bright's waist, baring him completely. Bright climbed into the bed and turned to Ephram. Ephram's hands shook a little as he pulled his shirt off and slowly unzipped his jeans. He took a deep breath as he pulled them, along with his boxers, off in one swift movement. He could feel Bright staring at him as he crossed the room and turned the light out.
He moved back to the bed and slid in next to Bright, who tentatively wrapped his arm around him. There was an awkwardness between them that Ephram knew wasn't helping Bright. In an instant, Ephram made a decision. He turned to his side and pressed himself back against Bright's chest. Bright sighed as he pull Ephram tightly against him.
Ephram gasped a little as he felt them make contact - felt Bright's groin press against his rear. But the strangeness faded almost immediately. This wasn't about sex - this was about comfort. Ephram sighed contentedly as Bright wrapped his arms around him and pulled the covers up over them. Bright buried his face in the crook of Ephram's neck and placed a small kiss there. It was perfect -- laying intertwined, their breathing falling into rhythm with one-another.
Just as Ephram felt himself drifting, surrounded by the warmth of Bright's body, Bright's sleepy voice cut through the darkness. “Ephram?”
Ephram breathed in and snuggled back against Bright's warm body. “Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Bright arms squeezed him tighter, and with that Bright slipped into sleep, leaving Ephram with a million questions - and perhaps the only answer he really needed.
FIN
Author: The Fifth Musketeer
Email: TheFifthMusketeer@hotmail.com
Pairing: B/E, B/C
Rating: NC-17 (language, sexual situations)
Fandom: Everwood
Disclaimer: No, they're not mine. Sue me - I dare you.
Spoilers: We've wandered into full-on AU here kids. While the plots of this series are based around episode events - I'm playing fast and loose with the timeline and the actual plot points. So spoilers, while present, are nominal.
Notes: Continuation of the series. As with all in the series so far - un-betad, so forgive me in advance.
Feedback: Yes, please.
EPHRAM
Two weeks.
Fourteen days.
Three hundred and thirty-six hours.
Twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty minutes.
One million, two hundred and nine thousand, six hundred seconds.
Since I've seen Bright.
I didn't go back to the hospital after that day, and even though Bright never called, I forced myself to believe in what Dad had said about the way Bright looks at me.
Don't misunderstand - there's a part of me that's afraid he's wrong. And even if he isn't, that doesn't mean that he doesn't look at Colin the same way.
By the time I got up the nerve to go see Bright, he was already gone. Edna came by to tell me that Bright was okay - his parents were just sending him to Mrs. Abbot's parents' to recuperate.
But it's been two weeks and still not a word from him.
I wrote him an email telling him what had happened - what Colin had done. But I couldn't send it, partly because I can't bring myself to hurt him, and partly because I'm a little afraid that Colin was right: he won't believe me.
And yet, part of me feels like I owe it to him. Bright should know. He should be told that the Colin walking around Everwood isn't the guy Bright loved - loves. I don't want to believe that Bright would love this guy - but I can't completely push aside the fear that he might.
And there's something else. I want Bright - more than anything I've ever wanted with the possibly exception of my Mom back. But this little voice inside of me keeps whispering that I don't want him because Colin's not available. I don't want him to choose me because he can't have the guy he really wants. How horrible would that be: to get the guy only because his first choice went on permanent vacation? I couldn't live like that.
But then the same voice says that Bright wouldn't do that to me.
I wish the voice in my head would make up its mind or shut the hell up.
I'll just have to wait and see - hold on tight to what Dad said. Who would have thought that something that came out of my father's mouth could mean so much to me?
And not just the stuff about Bright's feelings.
I didn't realize it, but I needed to hear him say he wouldn't hate me if I was gay. I couldn't even admit to myself how important knowing he still loves me is. When he told me that, it was like this huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
It gave me courage. I won't let Colin push me aside. I'm not some brainless Everwood Colin fan. I've seen the strings - I know how this particular puppet-master works. I refuse to bow down and accept this bullshit divine right of kings thing everyone else just affords him because of his history.
I've only seen him once since the exciting episode of Ephram bashing. The asshole acted like nothing had happened. It was clearly for Amy's benefit - not that I know exactly how she'd react even if she knew. She's still clearly the president and charter member of the Colin Hart Ass-kissers Society.
But there's something in her eyes lately - makes me wonder what exactly she knows about this sordid little soap opera I've wandered into - and just what she's thinking under all of those stony expressions she's been wearing.
Part of me hopes her eyes are more open than she wants the world to think. I may not have feelings for her anymore, but I don't want her to get hurt.
Anyway … Edna told Delia that Bright is coming home tomorrow. So I'm steeling myself for whatever's to come.
Twenty-four hours.
One thousand, four hundred and forty minutes.
Eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds.
Welcome home, Bright.
Please pick me.
BRIGHT
The road is a blur. All I see is snow on the landscape - snow falling - and headlights cutting through the darkness.
Back to Everwood.
Back to real life.
I've had two weeks to think. Two weeks of Colin's words pounding in my head. Two weeks of waking up in a cold sweat to the sound of Ephram being slammed against a wall - the sound of Grandma's voice telling Colin to let Ephram go.
She sounded afraid.
I've never heard her sound afraid before.
Mom's been respecting my silence. At first I was worried that Grandma had told her what happened, but somehow I know she wouldn't do that.
I haven't spoken to Ephram. I picked up the phone a thousand times to call him, but I always chickened out. What happened to him was my fault. What if he hates me for what Colin did? What if he believes what Colin told him?
I don't think I could handle that.
We're about thirty miles from Everwood. The snow is getting worse, so it's slow going. And it's late, so I guess I get one more night's reprieve from having to face everything head-on.
One more night before the real storm starts.
Before I finally see how brave I can be.
Before everything changes.
Forever.
AMY
Bright and Mom finally got home last night. I could tell he was a mess. We didn't say much to each other. He just went to bed.
I'm sure he'd have a lot to say if he knew the truth - that I was there - at the hospital. He doesn't know I heard what Colin said to Ephram - saw him do what he did to him.
I wanted to stop it, but it was like I was frozen in place. In one moment, all of my suspicions took shape and even thought I was scared he was going to hurt Ephram, it was like I couldn't move. Luckily Grandma and Irv intervened.
So I just pretended I didn't see anything. And it was easy - until the next day when I saw Ephram at school and noticed bruises on his neck.
I almost didn't make it to the bathroom before I threw up.
But don't feel sorry for me. I asked for this. And even though I know what I know, something inside won't let Colin go.
Dad's been fussing over Bright all day, which is actually kinda nice. I can see that even though he grouses about it, it means something to Bright that Dad is so worried about him.
It took almost all day for Bright to convince Dad he was well enough to go out - and even then, Dad only relented when Mom suggested that she drive him.
After they convinced Dad, I heard Bright on the phone. He called Colin - asked him to meet him at the overlook behind the school in two hours.
He and Mom left right after that. I'm not sure where he was going before he was supposed to meet Colin, but as far as the actual meeting is concerned, I want to hear what they talk about. I tell myself it's a bad idea and think I'm convinced, but as the hour gets closer, my resolve breaks down.
So I'm going.
And I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret it.
~~~
Bright's mother had been driving him around all day - mostly to appease his father. Harold didn't want him driving. Something about his reflexes not being back to normal.
Luckily, his mom understood that he didn't need to be looked after every minute, so when he asked to be dropped at the school, she told him to call when he was ready to come home. He was glad that she didn't ask too many questions. This was definitely not something he wanted to discuss with her. So after she drove away he circled around the gym and headed for the overlook.
It had finally stopped snowing, though it looked like it was only a momentary reprieve. As he headed up the hill on foot, he could see Colin sitting on the bench. He felt his stomach tighten. With a deep breath, he willed his body to relax and walked toward him.
Colin smiled at Bright as he approached. “Hey. Looks like you're feeling better.”
“Good enough,” Bright said tightly.
“I was worried.” Colin got up off the bench and closed the distance between them. “I missed you.” He reached out and touched Bright's chest.
Bright flinched. Colin leaned in to kiss him and was met with Bright's hand pressing him away. “Don't touch me.”
Colin noticed that Bright wouldn't look him in the eye. “What's the matter, baby?”
“Baby? Are you fucking kidding me?” Bright turned his eyes away from him.
Colin put on his most seductive tone. “Are you mad at me? Let me make it better.” He reached down and started to undo Bright's zipper.
Bright jerked away. “Fuck you, Colin.”
Colin felt a twitch of anger rise inside him. “What the hell is your problem?”
Bright gave him a bitter smile. “You really think I don't know?”
Colin's was impassive. “Know what?”
Bright shook his head. “Okay, you want to play it that way? Fine. I've been busy this afternoon. I ran into Pierson - you remember him? One of the guys I was rooming with on the ski trip? He told me how you swung by and convinced them it would be a good idea to vacate - said I wanted them all out of the room so I could fuck Gemma. Funny, I don't remember asking you to do that.”
Colin pursed his lips, but stayed silent.
“What? Don't you have anything to say? Okay. After that, I went and had a nice visit with Gemma. She's dating Fuller now, by the way. She apologized for hooking up with him without talking to me. Told me to tell you hi - and how lucky I was to have a friend like you. Seems you were the reason she kept trying with me. She said you explained how shy I was, but how all I could talk about was getting together with her. She thought it was sweet.”
“You always liked her Bright.” Colin's tone was edging toward defensive.
“That's bullshit, and you know it Colin.”
Colin let out a slow breath. “So what? Does any of this really matter? So you didn't want Gemma. What's the big deal? I figured if you dated her, you and I could pick up where we left off and no one would suspect anything.”
“But Colin, you said you didn't remember us until after all of that had happened.” Irony dripped from Bright's reply.
Colin swallowed. “Well, I was starting to remember little things …”
“Don't fucking lie to me Colin. You never forgot, did you? You remembered and decided that it would just be easier to pretend you didn't.”
Anger was starting to leak out around Colin's innocent façade. “Did Brown tell you that?”
Bright's eyes widened and a bitter laugh worked its way out of him. “You are fucking unbelievable. After everything, you still want to lay this off on Ephram - like he's the one who fucked up.”
“I was just trying to do you a favor.” Colin's lips tightened into a grim line.
Bright shook his head. “My God … you really believe that don't you?”
Colin moved toward him. “It's the truth. Ephram latched on to you and wouldn't let go. So I gave him a reason to. Not that he was smart enough to catch the hint.”
Bright flexed his fists and tried to keep the control that was threatening to forsake him. “I don't remember asking you to do that.” He finally looked straight into Colin's eyes, where he found cold defiance starting back. “In fact, I don't remember asking you for anything.”
Colin snickered. “Oh, come on Bright. We both know he was a problem. You felt guilty. You'd fucked around with him a little and he thought it meant that you were in love with him or something.”
Bright spoke calmly, denying the tempest brewing in his stomach. “So it was your place to make sure that he knew I didn't? What made you so positive?”
“Because you love me.”
Bright chuckled. “You sure about that?”
Bright's calm seemed to unnerve Colin, who finally started showing the anger and frustration he was really feeling. “Fuck yes, I'm sure. You told me so. And I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. You want me. You love me. What - you're going to tell me that you don't?”
Bright smiled thinly. “No. I did love Colin. Part of me will always love him. But you're not him. I don't know who the fuck you are - but you're not the guy I loved.”
Colin looked at him like he was crazy. “What the fuck are you talking about? What are you saying? That these aren't the lips you kissed.” Colin forced their mouths together, pushing his tongue against Bright's pursed lips. Bright jerked his head away.
“This isn't the body that you still think about when you come?” He reached down and opened his jeans - pulling his half-hard dick out of his fly. “This isn't the cock that you dream about every night? 'Cause if that's what you're saying, you're lying.” Colin ground himself to hardness against Bright's thigh. “I know you still want me.”
Bright's breath was shallow. “I don't want anything from you.”
Colin laughed. “Liar. I remember how you were. You loved my cock. You took it down your throat ever chance you got. It's hard. Tell me you don't want it in your mouth right now.” He pushed down on Bright's shoulders, trying to force him to his knees.
Bright felt his stomach turn. He gave Colin a hard push, sending him a few feet away from him. “Don't ever touch me again.”
Colin laughed. “You want it. I can tell.” He stroked himself and took a step toward Bright. “Stop fighting it and get down there and do what you do best.”
Bright's eyes widened. “Dude, you are completely delusional.”
Colin stopped short. “Are you telling me that you'd rather fuck around with that little New York faggot that be with me? I don't think so. You're mine. You always were - you always will be.”
Bright felt his hands starting to tingle. “Fuck off. I don't belong to you. And just for the record, when we were together, I was never the one begging to be fucked.”
Colin froze as his own words slapped him in the face. “So the little bitch came running to you and told you I was mean to him? Convinced you that you should protect him from me?”
“Ephram didn't tell me anything. You were just too caught up in your little power play to realize that the sound in hospital corridors carries.”
The smirk on Colin's face twitched. “So you heard. So what? He needed to understand how things really are.”
Bight laughed in disbelief. “How things really are? Colin, you've been lying since the moment you came home from the hospital. You manipulated me. You manipulated Ephram. Fuck, you manipulated half the student-body at County. You set it up so Ephram would think I was jerking him around. You went out of your way to make sure that he would see us together and get the wrong idea.”
Colin smiled. “There was nothing wrong with the idea.”
Bright couldn't believe Colin was still justifying himself. “You pushed it too far Colin. You crossed a line that you can't come back from. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you're not the same guy you were before. You're broken Colin. You need help. You enjoyed hurting Ephram. You were getting off on it. That's not the guy I loved. You're not the guy I loved.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still me. You just never wanted to see it before.”
Bright shook his head. “Bullshit. My Colin had a lot of faults. He was too concerned about what other people thought. He was cocky. He loved being treated like the golden boy a little too much. He was kind of a coward. I knew all of those things and I still loved him.” Bright took a breath. “But he wasn't cruel. He didn't hurt people for fun. I don't love you. I don't even want to know this person you are now.”
Bright turned his back to leave. He heard Colin over his shoulder. “So you're going to go play house with Brown? Good luck.”
Bright turned and looked at him. “Thanks.”
Colin's eyes looked almost dead. “You'll need it. I wonder what the guys will think about having a faggot on the team.” Bright's heart stopped for a second. Colin smirked. “Jocks are not historically known for their tolerance.”
Bright glared at him. “I can take care of myself.”
Colin smiled innocently. “Yeah. I guess you can.” Bright turned to leave again, but Colin's voice caught him. “I wonder if your little boyfriend can, though?”
Bright felt his entire body tense.
“I wonder how he'd do if they surprised him walking home one night - or maybe they might corner him in the locker room.” Colin shook his head. “I wonder if he could take care of himself? He's kinda little, ya' know?”
Bright felt anger welling up inside of him. “You wouldn't …”
Colin smiled. “No, of course not. But I can't really control the guys. And you know how rowdy they can get. I'll admit - Brown does have a nice, tight little ass. I know none of the guys are fags, but I'll bet they'd make an exception - like I made with you.”
The next second seemed to fall out of time. Suddenly Colin was on his back in the snow, blood pooling as it leaked from his mouth.
He was pinned under Bright's superior weight, as Bright wrapped his hand around his throat and squeezed. “You like this? Does this get your dick hard? Is it as much of a turn-on when you're the one fighting for breath? Does this excite you, baby?”
Colin gasped as Bright squeezed a little harder and leaned in until they were face to face. For the first time there was genuine fear in Colin's eyes.
Bright's voice was deadly calm. “Listen to me and really hear me this time. If you ever touch Ephram again … if you ever touch anyone I love ever again … I will put you back into that coma personally. If you pull any more shit that hurts people I care about - I will end you. Are we clear?”
Colin's eyes widened as he saw the deadly serious expression on Bright's face. He nodded his head.
From somewhere behind them a voice pulled them out of their fever. “Bright, what are you doing?”
Amy rushed to Colin and pulled him to her. “Oh, my God. Colin, you're bleeding.” She looked at her brother with venomous eyes. “What the hell do you think you're doing?”
Bright's eyes never left Colin's as he relinquished his grip. “Growing up.”
And with that, he turned and walked away, ignoring Amy's accusing voice that followed him. He left the overlook and headed toward town, leaving Colin to spin whatever lies he would have to to explain the situation to Amy.
---
Bright had been walking less than two minutes when he started to shake. It was starting to snow again and he wasn't wearing a warm coat - just a jacket over his sweater. He couldn't breath and he saw the world bleed into a wet canvas as his eyes filled with tears.
He willed himself to get it under control. He had to pull it together for just a little while longer. A few more minutes and everything would be okay. A few more minutes and he'd be safe.
---
Ephram sat on the couch, trying to focus on his newest Manga. It was Saturday night and like all Saturday night's there was nothing on television. To top it off, the house was too quiet to distract his mind from all the things he was trying to push aside for the time being.
It had been easier when the house was busy, but his dad and grandparents had taken Delia to a hockey game in Denver. He had begged off and his dad had understood.
No matter what he tried, his mind came back to the same thing: Bright had been home for twenty-four hours and he still hadn't called. The obnoxious little voice in his head was telling him that it was over - Colin had won.
He looked outside and saw that it had started snowing again. Something about all that white made him feel cold, and even though he knew it was psychosomatic he went to the thermostat and turned up the heat.
Just as he'd plopped back down on the sofa, the doorbell rang. He sighed and headed for the door.
He opened it and his heart was suddenly in his throat.
Bright stood in the doorway. He looked like someone had run him over with a truck. His clothes were soaked through and his teeth were chattering. It was clear he'd been crying.
He reached for Bright's hands, alarm clear in his voice. “Bright. Are you okay?”
Bright's expression was blank and he wouldn't meet Ephram's eyes. “Please ...”
Ephram's stomach lurched a little and he pulled Bright inside and shut the door. “What happened?”
Bright's voice was quiet. “I didn't know if you'd want to see me.” Bright's body shuddered.
Ephram saw tears welling in Bright's eyes. Something was obviously wrong. “Why would you think that?”
Bright finally lifted his head and tears spilled down his cheeks. “He hurt you. Because of me.”
Ephram felt his stomach drop. He knew that finding out what had happened must have killed Bright. He was at a loss as to how to help him.
So he did the only thing he could think of - he pulled Bright to him and hugged him tightly. “I'm okay. Really. And it wasn't your fault.”
Bright's spoke into Ephram's shoulder as he hugged back. “Yes, it was. If I had listened to my instincts, none of this would have happened. I knew something was wrong with him. I knew that he was acting strange. But I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.”
Ephram sighed. “Come on, Bright. It's not like you could have predicted that he was going to freak out.”
Bright pulled away and looked into Ephram's eyes. “But he could have really hurt you.”
“Well, he didn't. I'm fine. I promise.” Ephram reached up and stroked Bright's cheek tenderly. “God, Bright. You're ice cold.” Ephram's mind raced for a solution. “We need to warm you up. Why don't you go take a shower and I'll make you some hot tea.”
“But …”
Ephram cut him off. “We'll talk more later.”
“My parents …”
Ephram touched his arm. “Don't worry. I'll take care of it.”
Bright sighed. “They think I'm at the school.”
Ephram squeezed his arm gently and smiled at him. “I'll take care of it. Now go get in the shower.”
Bright nodded his head. As he started to walk away, Ephram caught his hand. Bright turned around to him and looked into his eyes. Ephram stepped forward and placed a gentle kiss on Bright's lips. “Everything's going to be okay.”
Bright gave him a little smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and turned and headed up the stairs.
Ephram went into the kitchen and put water on to boil. He picked up the phone and dialed Bright's number. As it rang, he prayed anyone would answer but Dr. Abbott.
“Hello?” There was a God.
“Hi, Mrs. Abbott. It's Ephram Brown.”
“Oh, hello dear.” There was tension in her voice.
“Are you okay?”
Mrs. Abbott let out a breath. “Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I'm just expecting a call from Bright.”
Ephram readied himself. “That's actually why I'm calling. I ran into Bright at the school. He came to my place to get the homework assignments he's missed.”
She let go of a sigh of relief. “Thank God. When he didn't call, I went to the school looking for him, but it was locked up tight. I've been stewing ever since.” She paused. “Why isn't he calling?”
Ephram's mind kicked into overdrive. “You know Bright. He hit the refrigerator as soon as he walked in the door. Lost a battle with a tub of marinara. He's in the shower.”
Mrs. Abbott chuckled. “That's my son. Well, I'll come by and pick him up.”
Ephram tried to sound casual. “Actually, it's snowing pretty hard. If it's okay, he's welcome to stay here tonight. He looks pretty wiped. He'll probably just sack out.”
“Are you sure it won't be any trouble.”
Ephram smiled. “No problem. After the whole fiasco at Edna's party, Dad bought a whole bunch of extra snow stuff.”
Mrs. Abbott laughed. “Alright then. Just have him call tomorrow, will you?”
“Sure.”
They said their good-byes and hung up. Ephram let out a sigh of relief and went about making the tea.
A few minutes later the tea was steeping and he made his way upstairs to check on Bright. He heard the water running as he peeked into the bathroom and saw Bright's foggy silhouette under the spray. He closed the door and headed to his room.
It suddenly dawned on him that Bright needed dry clothes, and he pulled out a pair of baggy sweats, and a tee shirt from his “maybe I'll grow into this someday” pile. They would probably fit Bright. He went to the bathroom and dropped them onto the floor just inside the door, and returned to his room. He picked up the book he was reading and waited for Bright to finish.
A little while later, he sensed Bright in the doorway. “Tea's ready downstairs - are you feeling better …” His voice caught in his throat when he looked up and saw Bright standing there with only a towel slung low across his hips. “I got some clothes for you - I put them in the bathroom.”
Bright's eyes were locked onto Ephram. He crossed to room and sat down on the bed. Ephram could see a tear rolling down Bright's cheeks. He reached out and thumbed away another that was threatening to fall. “Okay - are you going to tell me what happened?”
Bright reached out and took Ephram's hand, and with a choked breath, let the entire story pour out of him.
Hearing Colin in the hospital.
His Grandma.
Realizing all the games Colin had been playing. Pierson and Gemma.
His and Colin's confrontation - though he glossed over the things Colin had said about Ephram.
How Bright had hit him - threatened him.
It was like he was purging poison out of his body.
Ephram listened silently and let him get the whole thing out. When he was finished, Ephram reached for Bright and pulled him into his arms as he felt tears of his own on his cheeks. “I'm so sorry, Bright.”
They stayed that way for several minutes - Ephram trying to pour his own strength into Bright through their embrace.
Finally they pulled apart and Ephram noticed the exhausted expression on Bright's face. He kissed Bright's forehead. “Maybe we should let this rest a while. We'll talk more later. I called your mom - everything's okay. She wants you to call her in the morning. Right now, I think you'd better get some sleep.”
“Yeah, that's probably a good idea.” Ephram pulled back the covers of his bed and moved so Bright could get in.
Bright looked at him. “Could we …” His eyes dropped away from Ephram.
“What?”
Bright sighed. “Would you stay with me?”
Ephram gave him a slight smile and nodded his head. “I'll go get your clothes out of the bathroom.”
He stood up, but Bright caught his hand. When Ephram turned back to him, Bright looked down. “I know everything is kinda fucked up right now, but could we …”
Ephram touched Bright's cheek. Bright's eyes came up to meet his. “Could it be … just us?”
Ephram wasn't sure what he meant. Bright struggled to clarify. “I know we have a lot to work out, but I need to be close to you - I need to feel you next to me.” Bright blushed a little. “I promise it's just to sleep.”
Ephram realized what he was asking. He hesitated for a second, but the look in Bright's eyes tore at his heart. He looked … fragile. Bright needed him.
With that thought, his hesitance faded away. He reached out and pulled the towel from around Bright's waist, baring him completely. Bright climbed into the bed and turned to Ephram. Ephram's hands shook a little as he pulled his shirt off and slowly unzipped his jeans. He took a deep breath as he pulled them, along with his boxers, off in one swift movement. He could feel Bright staring at him as he crossed the room and turned the light out.
He moved back to the bed and slid in next to Bright, who tentatively wrapped his arm around him. There was an awkwardness between them that Ephram knew wasn't helping Bright. In an instant, Ephram made a decision. He turned to his side and pressed himself back against Bright's chest. Bright sighed as he pull Ephram tightly against him.
Ephram gasped a little as he felt them make contact - felt Bright's groin press against his rear. But the strangeness faded almost immediately. This wasn't about sex - this was about comfort. Ephram sighed contentedly as Bright wrapped his arms around him and pulled the covers up over them. Bright buried his face in the crook of Ephram's neck and placed a small kiss there. It was perfect -- laying intertwined, their breathing falling into rhythm with one-another.
Just as Ephram felt himself drifting, surrounded by the warmth of Bright's body, Bright's sleepy voice cut through the darkness. “Ephram?”
Ephram breathed in and snuggled back against Bright's warm body. “Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Bright arms squeezed him tighter, and with that Bright slipped into sleep, leaving Ephram with a million questions - and perhaps the only answer he really needed.
FIN