kudos to brian
wow brian. you figured it out. i'm soo proud of you. no i don't always want to be here. don't ask me how i'm always so happy and cheery at school. cuz well...yeah. have you read the poem i wrote "A simple Task"? cuz if not then you need to...its on my blog on my myspace....one of the first things i put in there. wrote it almost a year ago. i'm not always gonna be happy, and i get frustrated with myself very easily. and aj will find that out this trimester. i get easily frustrated with myself in body shop...especially when its a weight i know i can do but i don't get. just don't worry about me. if i did commit suicide...it would be after james and i broke up (if we do) and it would be quick and painless...i will admit there are times when the highway looks promising...but it'd take too long...and you can live after getting hit by a car. but i don't think about it as much as i did once....so please don't tell anyone. i'm not constantly thinking about suicide. its not me anymore. ok?
in other news...i don't think that i can ever trust james being at brooks' house. not because i don't trust james not to do things...but because i don't trust brooks. i just can't. not after what james told me they do there this summer. yeah lets go get high...and eat and play games...its a party now. we'll play games while we're stoned. i worry about him so much when hes there and he'll never know cuz i won't tell him. i don't have the heart to tell him that i don't trust brooks. cuz i'm afraid he'll take it as i don't trust him. and its not that i don't trust him. i just...oh fuck it. i'll just admit it. i'm an overprotective bitch. and i've tried to change him by asking him to stop the pot and the cigarrets...but its not what i meant to do. i fell in love with him the way i found him...and i'm afraid of losing him. and well maybe i'm just some hopeless being...whatever. its not like i am worth the time of day. so if you actually read this anyone...sorry for wasting your time
♥ Ari
in other news...i don't think that i can ever trust james being at brooks' house. not because i don't trust james not to do things...but because i don't trust brooks. i just can't. not after what james told me they do there this summer. yeah lets go get high...and eat and play games...its a party now. we'll play games while we're stoned. i worry about him so much when hes there and he'll never know cuz i won't tell him. i don't have the heart to tell him that i don't trust brooks. cuz i'm afraid he'll take it as i don't trust him. and its not that i don't trust him. i just...oh fuck it. i'll just admit it. i'm an overprotective bitch. and i've tried to change him by asking him to stop the pot and the cigarrets...but its not what i meant to do. i fell in love with him the way i found him...and i'm afraid of losing him. and well maybe i'm just some hopeless being...whatever. its not like i am worth the time of day. so if you actually read this anyone...sorry for wasting your time
♥ Ari