No good deed goes unpunished
"A good deed is like pissing yourself when it's dark. It feels warm and nobody knows you've done it" - paraphrased from Mass Effect 2
It has come to my attention lately, that doing good deeds and helping people isn't that easy as it is in my video games. For my defense, I have to say that I never play Dudley-Do-Right-Stops-To-Help, I help only when my character has a reason to do it - because xe sympathizes with/cares about the victim, because xe wants something from the victim or the criminal, because the criminal is in xir way, etc. My characters don't know about experience, about the fact that refusing the reward nets them more xp/a better reward etc, and I try to reflect that in my gaming. But even there, I find my characters doing more good in several months of gameplay than I did in the lifetime.
First, I believe it's because of the lack of opportunities. In every game location, questgivers are easily found, helpfully marked by having a name, or a big exclamation mark hovering over their heads. If I walked the streets of Poznan, asking people if I can help with their problems, they would stare at me and quickly leave at best, and assume I'm trying to mug them at worst. And when I already find a problem to solve, I have no helpful dialogue options or journal that would point me to what to do. Or even plot indicator on a map
Second, good is less rewarding here. There is no "good points" (Paragon, whatever) that would add to a score and give me later some bonuses. There is no special items or money I get for helping an old lady cross the street. And chances that this old lady will turn out to be a retired commando that would later join my party are less than slim. In the games, I get standing ovations for my heroic defenses of defenseless villages, the NPCs sing my praises and promise to name their firstborn after me or my party members. And the news of my heroic exploits travel faster than the speed of plot. Here, I can't even brag. My heroic exploits are known only to the victim and maybe few witnesses. Because the human society discourages showing off your heroism. If I exclaimed "I helped an old lady cross the street, took a kitten off a tall tree and donated money to charity!", people would assume I'm doing it for the praises and consider me a bad person.
Seriously. There is no proper appreciation and acknowledgement in this culture. And if someone actually wants to feel good because of his actions, they consider it evil. What is wrong with you people?
It is a well-known interpretation that misbehaving children are being naughty because they want attention. People choose to understand it as "ignore the kid, and xe will stop", instead of seeing the core of the problem: children do not get attention for being nice. The society expects people to play by rules, but doesn't even offer them verbal encouragement to do so, and fails to appreciate their efforts. In secondary school, I once happened to be the only student that has all xir marks noted in a proper notebook. Did the teacher tell my mother at the PTA that I did good? No, she told every other parent that their children did wrong. And it wasn't an isolated case. I have Asperger's Syndrome, it is particularly difficult to me to abide by the rules of society, as I do not have the innate understanding and knowledge of what the rules are. And I have no idea how to differentiate correct procedures and incorrect procedures since no one ever tells me that the actions I have performed are correct. So I know what is incorrect, but never what is correct. And when I try to simply ask what is correct, people think I am mocking them.
There is something seriously wrong with this species.
That, and there is also problem with the victims. When my class was supposed to take part in the cultural exchange with another country, the teacher threw a crapload of activities into the programme, justifying it by great emphasis on sport in the culture of this country and adapting to their needs and preferences. I asked if they will be willing to reciprocate, and also consider our needs and not to force us to participate in their sports and lifestyle. The teacher started stalling and making excuses, which made it clear to me that either they are not willing, or nobody ever tried asking them. Then, one of the students interrupted my information gathering by saying that she doesn't mind it. Well fine, she is entitled to her own opinion. But she didn't stop at it, even when I clearly pointed out that other students may not be too keen on cycling several kilometers or undertaking equally strenuous tasks. Despite the fact that I based my intention on complaints of another student.
There are two ways of seeing that. Either she's a limited selfish bitch who doesn't allow others to have different opinions, or I have done something wrong. I might have accidentally adapted the parent attitude. For the lucky people who have no idea what am I talking about: parent attitude is doing something for someone's sake, but without asking this someone for permission or opinion, without letting this someone decide whether they want an intervention and without acknowledging this someone as a human being. If that is the case, then I am glad that I was not allowed to continue.
All of this crap made me come to one conclusion: no wonder Humans Are Bastards. It is easier, more clear, and better accepted by the society.
It has come to my attention lately, that doing good deeds and helping people isn't that easy as it is in my video games. For my defense, I have to say that I never play Dudley-Do-Right-Stops-To-Help, I help only when my character has a reason to do it - because xe sympathizes with/cares about the victim, because xe wants something from the victim or the criminal, because the criminal is in xir way, etc. My characters don't know about experience, about the fact that refusing the reward nets them more xp/a better reward etc, and I try to reflect that in my gaming. But even there, I find my characters doing more good in several months of gameplay than I did in the lifetime.
First, I believe it's because of the lack of opportunities. In every game location, questgivers are easily found, helpfully marked by having a name, or a big exclamation mark hovering over their heads. If I walked the streets of Poznan, asking people if I can help with their problems, they would stare at me and quickly leave at best, and assume I'm trying to mug them at worst. And when I already find a problem to solve, I have no helpful dialogue options or journal that would point me to what to do. Or even plot indicator on a map
Second, good is less rewarding here. There is no "good points" (Paragon, whatever) that would add to a score and give me later some bonuses. There is no special items or money I get for helping an old lady cross the street. And chances that this old lady will turn out to be a retired commando that would later join my party are less than slim. In the games, I get standing ovations for my heroic defenses of defenseless villages, the NPCs sing my praises and promise to name their firstborn after me or my party members. And the news of my heroic exploits travel faster than the speed of plot. Here, I can't even brag. My heroic exploits are known only to the victim and maybe few witnesses. Because the human society discourages showing off your heroism. If I exclaimed "I helped an old lady cross the street, took a kitten off a tall tree and donated money to charity!", people would assume I'm doing it for the praises and consider me a bad person.
Seriously. There is no proper appreciation and acknowledgement in this culture. And if someone actually wants to feel good because of his actions, they consider it evil. What is wrong with you people?
It is a well-known interpretation that misbehaving children are being naughty because they want attention. People choose to understand it as "ignore the kid, and xe will stop", instead of seeing the core of the problem: children do not get attention for being nice. The society expects people to play by rules, but doesn't even offer them verbal encouragement to do so, and fails to appreciate their efforts. In secondary school, I once happened to be the only student that has all xir marks noted in a proper notebook. Did the teacher tell my mother at the PTA that I did good? No, she told every other parent that their children did wrong. And it wasn't an isolated case. I have Asperger's Syndrome, it is particularly difficult to me to abide by the rules of society, as I do not have the innate understanding and knowledge of what the rules are. And I have no idea how to differentiate correct procedures and incorrect procedures since no one ever tells me that the actions I have performed are correct. So I know what is incorrect, but never what is correct. And when I try to simply ask what is correct, people think I am mocking them.
There is something seriously wrong with this species.
That, and there is also problem with the victims. When my class was supposed to take part in the cultural exchange with another country, the teacher threw a crapload of activities into the programme, justifying it by great emphasis on sport in the culture of this country and adapting to their needs and preferences. I asked if they will be willing to reciprocate, and also consider our needs and not to force us to participate in their sports and lifestyle. The teacher started stalling and making excuses, which made it clear to me that either they are not willing, or nobody ever tried asking them. Then, one of the students interrupted my information gathering by saying that she doesn't mind it. Well fine, she is entitled to her own opinion. But she didn't stop at it, even when I clearly pointed out that other students may not be too keen on cycling several kilometers or undertaking equally strenuous tasks. Despite the fact that I based my intention on complaints of another student.
There are two ways of seeing that. Either she's a limited selfish bitch who doesn't allow others to have different opinions, or I have done something wrong. I might have accidentally adapted the parent attitude. For the lucky people who have no idea what am I talking about: parent attitude is doing something for someone's sake, but without asking this someone for permission or opinion, without letting this someone decide whether they want an intervention and without acknowledging this someone as a human being. If that is the case, then I am glad that I was not allowed to continue.
All of this crap made me come to one conclusion: no wonder Humans Are Bastards. It is easier, more clear, and better accepted by the society.