Life
It has finally occurred to me that I basically ditched some of the best friends I could have ever asked for during senior year. If I think about it, I rarely actually hung out with stephanie or ashley or rachael or any of them except allison, and even then it wasnt that often. I hung out with danny. In fact, if I had to choose, danny probably WAS my best friend in high school and I just said kyle was because I liked him for so long. The reality is that danny, andy, and alex were the only people I really hung out with outside of school. And guess what, I don't talk to hmmm, ANY of them. I talked to andy on his birthday but had nothing to say to him.
Don't get me wrong, everyone I was friends with in high school was important in some way or another, but when I look back, some of the best times were freshman year with jackie, jenny, and jillian. One of which I cant stand anymore, and the other 2 I rarely talk to.
Then there was danny in sophomore off roll and that was awesome too. But I haven't actually talked to danny on the phone since somewhere around my birthday and I think the last time I talked to him online was january or maybe even before that.
I know it sounds like I'm giving up on kyle being my friend and I am a little bit. I admit that. The thing is that I could see where he lives from my window if I didn't have a tree in the way, and yet I never see him. I never talk to him. That probably has a lot to do with bobby though because bobby has a bit of a control problem and pisses me off because he still tries to pull shit like he did in high school. So yea, I dont see kyle even though we literally live under 800 feet away from each other.
Honestly, I haven't made any serious friends since I got here except Sam. I was close to shelley until she kind of adapted to college life. I was close to Jove but now he's very distant and negative about life because his girlfriend broke up with him 6 months ago. I talk to some people in class when they ask me something but that's it. I don't see sean or kara because they live across campus.
Everyone I was close to really doesn't exist in my life anymore. I have 60 phone numbers in my phone and call about 3 of them on a regular basis and 2 of them are ways to contact sam and the other is for my parents. For god sakes I talk to my parents more than my "friends." I don't even talk to my brother. I don't want to talk to him though because he isn't my brother anymore. He is a drooling monkey who follows his girlfriend EVERYWHERE.
I know this is long, but the basic idea is that I've come to the realization that I could quite possibly be he most anti-social, inconfident person on earth and just never noticed it before. (Much of the no confidence is probably stemmed from the fact that I don't like who I am anymore). The only place that I'm ever really happy anymore is at camp and thats only 3 months out of the year.
I thought I had so many friends, but the reality is that I didn't. Please don't take it the wrong way, those of you who read this are my friends, but when was the last time we hung out or had a real conversation that wasn't through the internet?
Forgive me for being so depressing lately, but when you spend all your time in your dorm room because you don't know anyone and all the people that live around you smoke or party all the time, it gets depressing.
Don't get me wrong, everyone I was friends with in high school was important in some way or another, but when I look back, some of the best times were freshman year with jackie, jenny, and jillian. One of which I cant stand anymore, and the other 2 I rarely talk to.
Then there was danny in sophomore off roll and that was awesome too. But I haven't actually talked to danny on the phone since somewhere around my birthday and I think the last time I talked to him online was january or maybe even before that.
I know it sounds like I'm giving up on kyle being my friend and I am a little bit. I admit that. The thing is that I could see where he lives from my window if I didn't have a tree in the way, and yet I never see him. I never talk to him. That probably has a lot to do with bobby though because bobby has a bit of a control problem and pisses me off because he still tries to pull shit like he did in high school. So yea, I dont see kyle even though we literally live under 800 feet away from each other.
Honestly, I haven't made any serious friends since I got here except Sam. I was close to shelley until she kind of adapted to college life. I was close to Jove but now he's very distant and negative about life because his girlfriend broke up with him 6 months ago. I talk to some people in class when they ask me something but that's it. I don't see sean or kara because they live across campus.
Everyone I was close to really doesn't exist in my life anymore. I have 60 phone numbers in my phone and call about 3 of them on a regular basis and 2 of them are ways to contact sam and the other is for my parents. For god sakes I talk to my parents more than my "friends." I don't even talk to my brother. I don't want to talk to him though because he isn't my brother anymore. He is a drooling monkey who follows his girlfriend EVERYWHERE.
I know this is long, but the basic idea is that I've come to the realization that I could quite possibly be he most anti-social, inconfident person on earth and just never noticed it before. (Much of the no confidence is probably stemmed from the fact that I don't like who I am anymore). The only place that I'm ever really happy anymore is at camp and thats only 3 months out of the year.
I thought I had so many friends, but the reality is that I didn't. Please don't take it the wrong way, those of you who read this are my friends, but when was the last time we hung out or had a real conversation that wasn't through the internet?
Forgive me for being so depressing lately, but when you spend all your time in your dorm room because you don't know anyone and all the people that live around you smoke or party all the time, it gets depressing.