Not. Funny.
Today was going to be a good day for feminist ranting; listening to Radio 1 on the way from Bristol this morning provided me with enough material for a truly incandescent piece about how it's been repeated over and over again that Susan Boyle had been admitted to the Priory, because angry, stressed woman = dangerously demented and not safe in, like, a normal medical environment where she can get away from the fucking press for a change. Oh and also, a phone in on how "we the public" should "deal" with Susan Boyle post-loss? You shittin' me?
Then the Guardian fed me a simply priceless little gem of unremitting consecutive clangers by that leftie Clarkson, Charlie Brooker. I kid you not. Every. Single. Paragpraph. Consisted of a straightforward misogynist trope, a backhanded compliment of the "women are so much better at this sort of thing therefore they should do all the work" variety, some Peter Pannnish fantasies of being taken care of by a hoard of Wendies, or a head-patting appeal to women's stupidity in not recognising that if they only did all the work in the world while providing regular blowjobs, everybody would be so much happier.
I had a real doozy of a faux lit-crit response all drafted up in my head, and then I saw this:
Abortion doctor shot dead in Kansas
Because saving the lives of women is mass murder, y'all.
If you think that this has nothing to do with Susan Boyle and Charlie Brooker, think again: the religious struggle against abortion is all about woman-hating. Pregnancy tames women, domesticates and disarms them. Mothers are (both in reality and in the violent fantasies of the forced birth whackadoodles) more vulnerable, more easily controlled, less likely to rebel or disrupt the existing order.
The sort of traditional female accomplishments emphasized by these fundie nutjobs all lead inexorably towards motherhood: be attractive, in order to get a man to want you; but not too sexual or promiscuous, because then he won't want to marry you. Once married (it's the happiest day of your life!), be submissive and compliant so that he will a ) fuck you, providing the necessary children and b) stay with you and at least nominally help care for them. All of the responsibility is hefted onto the oppressed member of the arrangement - the woman - to make sure this happens. Any deviation from the ideal script is her fault (this is true both in fundie circles and, more subtly, in the "normal" media).
The way this is packaged for women is that there is a goal, a shining ideal at the end of this road of sacrifices: the inerrant, ineffable rewards of transcendent motherhood, sanctified by the Lord (or mandated by Evolution - pick your assholes). The popular script is that It's all worth it for the sake of motherhood. The reality is that motherhood is what makes "it all" - the humiliation, the economic dependence, the domestic drudgery - possible. Bait and switch.[1]
Women like Susan Boyle, who don't aspire to any of the rungs on this ladder - youth, beauty - but still exhibit a sense of self worth and ambition, are dangerous. The way the media and the public have dealt with her is exactly of a piece with the attitude that while her achievements and talents are impressive, her attitude is not to be encouraged.
As for Charlie Brooker, well, what else is his vision of the all-powerful female if not a cry for mommy to take over and make it all her fault? Oh, he's willing to pander to our vanity with a few offhand remarks about how shit men are - the Guardian is an intelligent newspaper after all - but frankly, what is he offering women but the unending drudgery of taking over a job that men don't want to do now that it's no fun anymore?
Oh, and for those of you who think this is none of our problem because it's all happening in America, far far away. Two words: Iraq War.
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[1] Insert necessary caveats for the tiny minority of well educated, economically independent women who actually get to make informed choices about motherhood >here<. Own your privilege, ladies: most of the world is different to what the average reader of this journal sees.