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Oct 07, 2011 09:45

She hasn't been able to sleep straight through the night in months ( Read more... )

amy pond, eames, declan macrae, raylan givens, jeff winger, harley altmeyer, ellen parsons, spike, dr. rob chase, mark zuckerberg, ianto jones

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shewaswarned October 7 2011, 21:22:22 UTC
There's something different about this drink and it hits me right as I take that first sip - it's stronger than either of the others have been, but I can't help wondering how much of that is the amount of vodka that's been mixed in, whether or not the guy working the bar remembered to make it dirty or if this is just all of it hitting me at once, building and coursing through my bloodstream until it boils over in my head and starts to really have an effect. What's the first thing to go again? Oh, right. There's a sincerity in his smile that I find myself mimicking even as I think the word. Judgment.

And then I can't help but think about Patty, goddamn Patricia Hewes, with her self-righteous smirk that she wears as permanently as those pantsuits, the judgment brimming on the very surface of her tone, and what she would be saying to me if she could see me right now, shaking her head and uttering my name in the way that makes me feel like a naive law student all over again - no, younger than that. Like a child, waiting to be doled out the punishment from her teacher. A teacher who tried to have her killed. A teacher who kept her close in order to use the people in her life to further her own ends.

"I'll say," I agree, and there's a thickness in my throat that I can't entirely attribute to the alcohol, but that doesn't stop me from taking another sip, swallowing slowly, and as I glance over at him, my lips part for another smile. That one comes easier.

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bloodycrescents October 7 2011, 22:25:07 UTC
It's two words, a simple agreement, but I feel like there's worlds behind I don't get. Not like that's new or anything. It's not that I'm saying women speak a different language or anything. That'd be easy, because eventually you could pick it up, get fluent. Eventually I might understand. I've been surrounded by them my whole life and there are things I get, things I've learned painstakingly. A different language would be simple. The hard part is, every single one of them is speaking something entirely else. She says "I'll say," and it's like it's hidden behind fifteen layers of code and only the top one means "yes" and "I agree."

I'm not going to flatter myself that any of the other fourteen have to do with me, but beneath the shiver of irritation is a whole lot of curiosity, and that's almost equally as annoying. She's a stranger and as interesting as she is, she doesn't need to be more than that. I don't need to know her story or where she grew up or what she was doing the day she got here - that worst possible moment, Carla Jean would say. I don't think I want to know.

"So you like it here," I suggest anyway, pushing just a little. If nothing else, it probably means there's no boyfriend she's pining for. I'll take any points in my favor I can get.

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shewaswarned October 7 2011, 22:35:39 UTC
For the briefest of moments, I almost feel bad about being so cryptic, but it's all too easy to remember what I'd learned during my time at Hewes & Associates. I'm not about to release a hold on every single barrier I've put up now in the hopes of lending a little more clarification to my words, but I'm not going to play the mysterious card either. Women are all about that nowadays, the air of mystery surrounding them, but I have my own reasons for hiding the complete and total truth, and it has nothing to do with being mysterious.

"I do," I confess, and I can let that slip through at least, allowing my shoulders to become slightly more relaxed as I lean forward in my seat, over the bar slightly. My fingers reach for the pick to stir again, wrist slowly rolling without my having to watch it to get the movement down, even though I can see the drink swirl and whorl out of the corner of my eye. Besides, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find something intriguing about him, something that deserved full attention. We probably look like an interesting twosome, between my dress and his jeans, but I'm not going to turn someone away for conversation simply because of what they're wearing.

"I needed to get away from - work, for starters," I finish, and that's still sticking to the truth, even if it barely skims the surface while encompassing one too many memories. "I'd already left the firm, but this was exactly the kind of forced vacation I needed. So while I'm here, for however long a time that is, I plan to enjoy myself."

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bloodycrescents October 7 2011, 22:54:53 UTC
It's not that the women back home didn't have careers or anything, but most of the ones I knew were sisters and moms and not much else. There isn't much to be around there, and it's got nothing to do with gender. The idea of firms and work and forced vacations is foreign in and of itself, and for a second, I think of wrapping things up and saying goodnight, because I don't have a shot in hell.

Except she's talking to me, she's still here, I do have a chance and there's no point in running off now. At worst, I get a little conversation from a hot girl and I go back to the hut no worse off than I already was. It's not nothing.

"Sounds like a solid plan to me," I tell her, setting my glass back down. My reasons for wanting to get away are totally different, but my plan is, tentatively, the same. It's hard to have much of an idea of what to do around here when I can't completely fight off the guilt of being away when I'm supposed to be the head of the house. I have to keep reminding myself I don't owe them my life. That it's not like I chose this. I didn't just abandon them, even though I could have, any day of the last two years. I could have, but I never did. "You know, it's, it's good. You get to take a break and relax for a change. Have a little fun."

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shewaswarned October 7 2011, 23:05:04 UTC
It's almost strange, but I don't feel scrutinized in any way, don't feel like I'm being placed on the end of a microscope and studied so intensely that I think I might shrivel up from the heat. Sure, there are moments when I catch him staring from time to time, but I don't feel awkward. If anything, I'm more aware, some senses placed on higher alert while others are slightly more numbed. It's what I was going for when I set out for this place tonight, though, so I'm not complaining.

"That's the plan," I declare, taking another sip from the glass and reaching to pluck out the olive before I forget it's there and embarrass myself by some other means. When I pull it off, nudging it to the inside of my cheek to bite, there's a moment when the movement down on the opposite side of the bar catches my eye and I absently run the pointed end of the pick across my lower lip, gently pressing against the swell.

"And this is where it starts, too. Right here, in this dress and with these drinks," I tell him, tearing my gaze away from the blurred faces down the other end and directing it back to him. This is the first night I've really let my hair down, so to speak, and in a very long time. "And with you, apparently," I add, a little softer, almost absently.

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bloodycrescents October 8 2011, 00:06:07 UTC
I'm still watching her mouth when she looks back at me. It's impossible to look elsewhere when she does things like that, when her lips are full and pink and I can only think of having them on me, anywhere at all, her cheeks flushing. It's warm out, I'm warm, even having left my dad's jacket in the hut for once.

That's not it and I know it, or it's not all of it, but I can't care when she says things like that. She's got a plan, I tell myself, she's old enough to know what she's doing. I don't answer right away, swallowing my heart back into my chest first. "With me," I echo, both a question and agreement. "I like that plan." I don't think I could make a bigger understatement if I tried. It occurs to me that Ellen might be leading me on and this ends with her laughing at me the way I'm pretty sure Brandy does from time to time when she remembers I ever existed, but if there's a sliver of a chance that I have a shot with her, I don't care.

I don't even care that there's a traitorous part of me that just wants to smooth her hair back and take care of her, if only just to prove I can, that I'm capable. It's been two weeks since I last saw Callie. It's not like we were dating or anything, there's nothing keeping me from being with someone else for a night, but it seems like that makes it even more important it not mean anything, not even a little. She's a person, though, soft and kind and in need of a vacation, and despite the idea she was something serious and respectable and grown-up back home, wherever that is, right now she just seems young. Sweet. I'd ask her what it is she did, but what she needs is an escape. And so do I.

"So what's the plan exactly?"

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shewaswarned October 8 2011, 00:19:27 UTC
I've resumed the pressure of the pick, the light pinprick of contact against my lower lip, pushing just hard enough for it to hurt a little but not enough to draw blood. It's not sharp enough for that, not really, but there's a part of me that wants to know what it would feel like if it did, breaking past the first layer and then the drop of salty red that would blossom, lingering there until I sucked it away. But then I start thinking about the blood, all of the blood, David's blood over me, covering my hands, my clothes, running down the city streets with nothing but a coat covering blood and skin and silk, and I frown in thought, dropping the pick on the bar and resting my hand against the wooden surface instead, its top mottled by age and use. It's seen more patrons than just the two of us in all the years it's been here, enough time for someone to take a knife, to smash a bottle, to stumble and catch themselves against the leverage of its edges.

"Unless you're not willing to assume that kind of a responsibility," I add, chuckling quietly. There's a degree of teasing in it, of levity, trying to make the remark imply less than it does, but my gaze lingers on him a little too long for it to mean absolutely nothing. I straighten up, hips pivoting again, just enough to ease my legs over to one side, crossing them at the knee, and the hem of the skirt hitches up to reveal a little more thigh. I'm not worried.

"The plan, as it stands, is to enjoy a few drinks, and then maybe walk along the beach until daytime. That was the plan for me, anyway." I still intend on potentially going through with it, unless given a compelling reason to do otherwise. "What are your plans, Harley?"

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bloodycrescents October 8 2011, 07:19:59 UTC
I'm torn between telling her no, I'm not willing, and begging her to let me. Telling her my plans are to keep on taking advantage of the free drinks and her company, but my hopes are a lot more carnal, but I'm kind of afraid if I let out a hint of that, I'd wind up begging for that, too. There's a time and a place for pride, but when I can see enough of her thigh to make me think I might have a little trouble walking anywhere with her just now, I can't remember when and where.

"A few drinks and a walk on the beach," I tell her with a self-conscious smile. Don't laugh, don't laugh. There are nights I barely sleep anyway, nights I can't sleep. Spending this one trailing after her like a lost hunting dog doesn't seem like a bad idea. Even if it did, I've had worse. "If - if you don't mind the company."

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shewaswarned October 8 2011, 12:22:41 UTC
"Good." I absently glance down at the contents of the glass, trying to gauge how much is left and whether or not I should even risk having another. This is, what, my third or fourth at this point, and the vodka's strong - some island-distilled version, most likely, and I'm starting to feel it in my head, my skin. It almost feels like the heat is emanating from my body strong enough to burn through the damn dress itself. This is when the impulse control starts to shatter. This is when I would be calling Wes' number or even just showing up at his apartment unannounced, kissing him until neither of us could breathe and barely making it into his bed.

I know my cheeks are flushed from the memory and the drinks, but I try to disguise it with a soft clearing of my throat as I glance over at him, nodding once. "No, I promise I don't mind. It's probably better I have someone to supervise. They say you shouldn't try to go swimming after you've been drinking," I add, chuckling low. "And I'd hate to get this dress wet."

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bloodycrescents October 8 2011, 15:06:47 UTC
I let out a laugh, glancing at my own empty glass, nodding to the bartender for another. It's easier to laugh tonight, to smile. It's not the alcohol either. I've had more than this before, including back home the day I arrived, and I know I laughed a lot when I went to see Uncle Mike, but it wasn't because anything was funny, it was because it wasn't. Isn't. Sitting here in the warmly lit bar, soaking in the pleasant heat of the beer and her company, though, for a few minutes I can almost forget I'm me. I wonder briefly if my life could have been like this if I'd been born somewhere else to someone else. But then, I never would have been at all, I guess. We get the cards we're dealt and we play them the best we can.

For a few minutes, though. For a few minutes, I like pretending. That I'm someone girls like, that I'm someone I like. That I can be confident and easy-going and not remember the three girls I'm supposed to be taking care of or the things I need to do. That getting involved with me, even for a night, isn't probably going to be a disappointment or a disaster for Ellen.

"I... can't pretend I'd mind that," I admit with a laugh, shaking my head. "I'll try and keep you from drowning, though, yes." Even entirely sober, I'm not much good at supervising anyone, but I've gotten better at it. I can manage that much for her, even with a few drinks in me and me reaching for another.

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shewaswarned October 8 2011, 15:49:01 UTC
"Good. That takes a load off my mind," I declare, an exaggerated grin making it past my lips seconds before I wind up taking another sip from my glass. There's less left than I originally realized; there always is with these kinds of drinks, they're deceptively full until they are, and by the time you figure it out they're gone already, leaving nothing but the lingering taste of olives and the stronger taste of vodka in their wake - or any other flavors that have entered the mix, especially with one of those girlier-looking martinis with some ridiculously fruity garnish.

"One more," I decide out loud, lifting my index finger to indicate. I know I'm nudging the barrier between tipsy and sloppy, but I can tread it a little while longer. I just have to take this next drink slowly so as not to test my limits beyond what I can handle. The flush in my cheeks might as well be permanent at this point, but maybe if I ignore it, it'll fade on its own. Wishful thinking, another part of me says, but I push that down as readily as I bury anything else these days.

"Any more than that and it might be difficult for me to navigate around in these shoes. I had a hard enough time walking over here to begin with," I confess, leaning over to inspect the heels in question. They don't seem to have gotten too dirty, but these paths aren't exactly Manhattan sidewalks. "I get the feeling I look a little ridiculous, all dressed up like this and nowhere to go but here."

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bloodycrescents October 9 2011, 09:13:01 UTC
It's like blanket permission to look. Not that I need it, but I take it anyway, glancing down to the shoes in question, gaze following the contours of her leg on up to her thigh, the curve of her waist, the curve of her tits. The shoes are impractical, yeah, in a place like this, but I'm not going to say so. If she can handle them, good for her, because I don't know how anyone would in a place that's half sand. I wouldn't change a thing about the dress unless it was because she let me take it off of her.

I shake my head. "You don't look ridiculous," I tell her and it's not just that I'm trying, however badly, to hit on her. It's just a fact. "You look beautiful."

There's a part of me expecting to get slapped every other second, but I don't flinch away, I just brace myself for it. She can't deal out any worse than I've received before. She doesn't seem to mind me talking, but women are hard enough to figure out before they start drinking and I can't ever read the signals right.

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shewaswarned October 9 2011, 11:41:19 UTC
I turn back to the bar just in time to catch the delivery of my fourth (and likely last, at this juncture) drink, but there's a shifting in my periphery that I can't figure out, and for a moment I can swear I feel eyes on me. There's the feeling I get when I know I'm being watched, a tingling that starts at the base of my spine and ripples upward, but this time it doesn't leave me with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and I wonder if it should.

"Really?" I finally look over, choosing not to take that first sip right off the bat. I need to pace myself through this last one. Besides, I can already feel the blush creeping over my skin, blood pooling in my cheeks and chest even though only the former is visible.

"Thank you," I tell him, softly and sincerely. I can tell it isn't a line; I know he's being just as sincere. Years of practice against Patty have taught me that much, at least. And that sincerity, in itself, makes all the difference. My hand leaves my drink and comes down to rest over his, giving it a brief, grateful squeeze before I move to pull it away.

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bloodycrescents October 9 2011, 20:46:28 UTC
I never understand how a girl like her can't know it. I mean, not that I've really known anyone like her, but she's gorgeous. Dark hair and dark eyes, an incredible body. She's probably brilliant and successful, too, coming from a world completely apart from my own, even if it's in the same universe. She probably went to college somewhere impressive and usually walks around in those heels like they're her bare feet. It's a simple compliment, but she means that thank you, and I don't know why guys aren't falling all over themselves to tell her the same thing all the time.

Her hand touches mine and then it's pulling away, and without thinking, without meaning to, I turn mine to catch hers, fingers curling lightly around her wrist, heat running sharp through my veins. I may not get it, but there's something about the way she doesn't know that that makes her more beautiful. The girls who know it tend to be bitches anyway.

"Really," I say. "You are." I don't want to let go of her, unless it's to do more than touch her wrist, her hand, but I draw carefully back even so. I don't want to scare her off or push or anything, not here and now, and I reach for my beer instead. "The dress just helps."

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shewaswarned October 9 2011, 21:01:35 UTC
I might be the younger sister, but somehow I turned out to be the responsible one in the family. That being said, you'd never guess it by the way my life managed to take such an abrupt turn from Carrie's. She was the one who married first, who got pregnant first. Then again, I would've probably been married by now if it hadn't been for my involvement in the Frobisher case. Sometimes I think I'm turning more into Patty with every day that passes, each time I choose my career over anything else. I could've had Carrie's life, her marriage. But I wouldn't have any of this now. It doesn't stop me from weighing my choices when I allow myself to stop and think about it.

I'm not thinking now.

His fingertips are chilled from the beer bottle when they graze my wrist, curling into a tighter grip, and for a second I'm convinced my pulse manages to skip a beat, but the moment passes and instead I'm simply offering him another slow smile. "Well, the dress is supposed to help if only a little," I reply, my chuckle muffled in the next sip I take. There's something about him I can't quite place, that constant enigmatic quality that I'm trying to zero in on. Drinking doesn't really help with that, but it is helping with something else. "Take it off and there's not much left."

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bloodycrescents October 10 2011, 05:39:06 UTC
I swallow hard to get the sip of beer down and wind up almost choking anyway, setting the beer down as I try to school my face, but now all I can think about is taking it off her and all the bare skin underneath. Like I wasn't already imagining that. I couldn't look more ridiculous if I tried, I'm pretty sure, and then I realize that she might not even mean that literally, because it's not like she could walk around in public like that, but I'm pretty sure there being not much left could only help.

"I'm sorry," I say, realizing I've been spluttering, passing the back of my hand over my mouth. I'm pretty sure honesty about things like this only gets a guy slapped, but I've got a decent buzz going and the way she smiles makes me feel like I'm gonna lose my mind. "I thought for a second you were talking literally and I - uh. But I'm sure that's not true." She's a lot more than a dress, but I'm afraid if I try to find out how much more, I'll lose the nerve I've been working up.

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