The Doctor is in...

[teenagerenegade]

It's probably not totally professional of him. In fact, it's not. Professional. Still. What Charlie's got is tonnes and tonnes of experience of being sent to psychiatrists and what he knows is this: that, sometimes, you can talk and talk and still, people just aren't listening. And, when you're a kid, there's nothing worse. Charlie might be

Comments

[honestlyrubbish]

She doesn't notice the sign at first.

Even though the past few weeks have, arguably, been better for Hermione and hers than the months preceding, there's always something about stress that takes a while to unwind. No longer worried about Sirius' absence, now Hermione finds herself worrying about his recovery, about what kind of toll that might take on Harry, about how much more reluctant Harry might be about the notion of leaving the island someday at last. She worries for Remus, who hasn't been fortunate enough to stay, as far as any of them are aware. Worries about the chance that other people might be trapped too, some distance from the island, that not all of them might be found before it's too late. Worries about the fact that she's missed her last period, which at best means that the stress has been taking a physical toll on her (not a fact she'd find surprising), and at worst means that she and Ron haven't been careful enough. Times should be better than they've ever been on the island, but Hermione finds herself occasionally needing to take the time to sit aside and breathe, simply weaving her way through all of her thoughts.

It just so happens that this time, her eyes land on the sign on the bathroom, and it's the last detail, the last grain of rice to tip the scale as she raps sharply on the door, opening it with brows furrowed in frustration.

"Excuse me, this isn't the place to- oh," she blinks, seeing who it is sitting inside. While she doesn't know Charlie particularly well, he's been in and out of the Psych Office enough that she knows of him, and the fact that he has every right to... set up an office, it seems. "I thought someone was playing a joke, my apologies."

[teenagerenegade]

"It's okay," he says, both hands up in a gesture kind of like surrender, and he tries really hard not to think Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter. "It's just...something that I used to do back home. And it's kind of helpful, actually. Just...yeah. Sort of weird."

He smiles.

"Do you need to talk? While you're here?"

[honestlyrubbish]

"A bit," Hermione admits, her brows still knitting as she peers around and tries to imagine feeling comfortable speaking to someone else in such a setting. It's even more of a surprise when she finds that it's actually not so difficult at all to relax, memories of second year rising to the forefront of her mind, of huddling in stalls and brewing Polyjuice Potion. It all seems so long ago, now, but there are some things that one never forgets. The fleeting glimpse of a basilisk. The sigh of relief, of happiness, of overwhelming joy upon waking up and finding out that her best friends had figured out the Chamber at last.

Her lips press thinly, and Hermione can't help thinking that she must be stressed after all, if such a small thought is enough to send her close to tears.

"I... I don't know, I don't want to take up too much of your time," she sighs, offering a tentative smile. "Honestly, I'm not sure that there's much to be done for whatever I've got going on in my mind right now. There are certain types of stress I've never been able to ease."

[teenagerenegade]

"Firstly, don't worry about my time. We're talking about you," he says, shifting to get more comfortable on his perch, head tilted to the side as he listens. "Okay. Let's start with the thing that you find most stressful and work our way back, okay?"

[honestlyrubbish]

It feels as though Charlie's made the decision for her, and although Hermione still peeks from side to side, as though sure that someone else will come along their way who more dearly needs Charlie's time, it seems rude to refuse now. A part of her, besides, can't help but feel as though she'd like a listening ear indeed, not even to fix all of her problems, but just to let some of the secrets she's kept to herself off her chest. So she nods, sitting herself down and taking a small, shaky breath.

"That one's not too difficult," she replies with a soft smile. "My best friend's godfather was stranded off of the main island for some time. He's been recently found, but he's gone the greater part of a month without proper food or water, and I can't help worrying about his recovery, both physical and mental. And I can't help worrying about whether or not anyone else on the island might also disappear in such a way, not to return home, but instead to be trapped somewhere without a means of finding help. It's... this island." She closes her eyes, shaking her head.

[teenagerenegade]

"The island," says Charlie, nodding. "You kind of get used to people coming and going. It's one of the shittier things about living here, I guess."

[honestlyrubbish]

"Coming and going is one thing," Hermione replies, voice trailing off with a distant look, before she shakes her head and tries again. She's dwelling. It's the one thing that she's supposed to be fighting right now, the tendency to focus on details and matters beyond her control, so that she might be able to focus on those she can affect. But it's a hard battle, no matter how she looks at it, and no matter who she speaks to. "But the notion that some people might not be returning where we think, or hope, that they are... it's quite scary. The more powerless I realize we are, the more I think about it, trying to find any loophole to abuse at all."

[teenagerenegade]

"Loophole?" asks Charlie. He tilts his head to one side while he thinks about it. "Like what?"

[honestlyrubbish]

"Well... I don't know what, which is the problem," Hermione explains with a soft sigh, already feeling a headache teasing at her temples, pressing there until she can feel the thud of her pulse. "It's very hard to know where to start, and trying everything on a whim is bound to result in a lot of wasted time and effort, and it keeps me from my friends, who aren't too happy about that in the first place."

Her eyes close again, and all she can feel is tired, suddenly worn threadbare.

"But I refuse to believe that there won't someday be a way off the island found that we can control."

[teenagerenegade]

"Maybe it's better to just enjoy it?" He's idly thinking about it, scuffing his sneaker against the floor and making it squeak. "Treat it as a holiday out of time and just...let it wash over you?"

[honestlyrubbish]

"Telling me simply to enjoy something and not consider the further details is... generally not very effective," Hermione admits with a small wrinkle of her brow and a sigh of her breath. There have been countless times, she thinks to herself, when either or both of the boys have tried to talk her out of gleaning every possible detail from a situation and trying to apply the knowledge in a meaningful way. But her mind functions the way that it does, and simply knowing that she shouldn't worry so much isn't often enough to actually stop her brain from running at a mile a minute.

And in this case, it's made worse by the fact that she doesn't know. She doesn't know that stepping back would make things any better at all.

Chilling.

"If I knew how to let things go, I probably wouldn't be here at all. I would have been able to say that I didn't need a talk, and I'd be able to juggle it all, responsibilities and curiosity alike."

[teenagerenegade]

"It sounds exhausting," says Charlie, scribbling on his notebook. "I spent a lot of my lie caring really, really hard, you know? Trying to make it better for everyone. Sometimes...you just have to admit defeat. I can't help everyone. I can't make it beer. So I find something else to focus on."

[honestlyrubbish]

"I can't afford to do that," Hermione shakes her head, her voice soft and, in of itself, an admission of the fact that she realizes how much she's asking of herself, and doubly of others, to understand as she goes about her day doing whatever's in her reach. While she does allow herself enough time to sleep (whatever she can grasp, nerves being as frayed as they are), enough time to eat, the idea that something might fall apart due to an unwillingness on her part to stretch those limits is impossible to even imagine. "Maybe this talk wasn't the best idea, Charlie, I- I appreciate this, I really do, I just don't know that there's any way to really stop the gears in my head from turning."