dreadful sorry, clementine

[cibosity]

In more ways than one, Tabula Rasa was a surefire step up from the previous island. A simple look at the way that Sawyer occupied himself on most days was more than enough of an indication; whereas before, he'd spent his days lounging around, scavenging for materials and possessions, often causing factions of the camp to turn against one another,

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[blondieburke]

Juliet is in a decidedly good mood which is a change, but a good one. Her shift starts in the clinic in about an hour but she figured she'd show up early and grab something to eat. She's already wearing her lab coat from home that says 'Juliet Carlson' on the pocket with the ends of a stethoscope hanging out of one of the pockets. She probably won't need it - hell, she really doesn't need to wear the coat at all, it's just habit - but she likes the familiarity

[cibosity]

"With the way things run 'round this place, we might as well be in a friggin' movie," Sawyer grits out, shaking his hand in an effort to rid himself of the coffee, drops falling on and seeping into the carpet. "The sorta stunts this island pulls sure make it seem like we're just puppets pulled 'round for someone else's entertainment." With the pain still surging through his foot, Sawyer can't even bring himself to give half a damn about the fact that he's probably whining Juliet's ear off. The way he figures, she's been patient enough with him in the short time they've known one another that legitimately hating on the jukebox probably won't be held against him. Much

[blondieburke]

"Well that's a theory I heard in passing once. That we really are here for the entertainment of something bigger than us. You trying to destroy a jukebox that's indestructible is a good pitch though," she says with a very gentle smile - one that turns up the corners of her eyes more than the corners of her lips.

Ducking down, she starts helping to clean up the coffee. "So, what'd the jukebox do to piss you off, anyway?"

She wonders if it makes her a horrible person for asking like that, when she already knows.

[cibosity]

He doesn't see the humor in the situation, but for Juliet's sake, Sawyer tries his best to stamp down his anger and aggravation. It isn't her fault, after all, that the jukebox decided to play just about the worst choice it could have picked. Instead, the glare that holds in Sawyer's eyes is directed straight at the blasted machine, lips pressing together, thin and tense.

Until she asks that question.

The song's still playing in the background, apparently on loop, and slowly, Sawyer turns his gaze to meet hers. Already, he feels the words pushing at his tongue, temptation raising step by step. Memories of Cassidy, Australia, the jail.

"You're tellin' me Ben Linus ain't ever gave you my file to peruse?" he asks instead.

[blondieburke]

Juliet pauses on the floor, staring at the carpet that really isn't benefiting much from her trying to soak up the spilled coffee. She stands, looks at him, and throws away the paper towel.

"He gave it to me. I read it. I'd rather know things about you because you want me to know them, not because Ben handed me a folder of papers. For all I know, he could have made up everything in your file. It was about what he wanted people to think they knew. Not actual fact. You know that first hand though, don't you?"

The damn rabbits, and the mind games Ben had put James through - she knew about that, too.

[cibosity]

His gaze turned away as he shook his head, feeling frustrated, feeling trapped. Maybe there weren't bars around him, maybe there wasn't someone waiting behind glass and firing question after question at him, but he felt exposed, still as though he was being made to sit down in the middle of an interrogation room. Sawyer licked his lips, noting that they were chapped, still rubbing his hands against his jeans and feeling how sticky they were.

"I don't want you to know. Hell, I don't want anyone to know, but it ain't like I've got a choice here. And hell, Juliet," he turned to face her again, his chest rising and falling steadily as his hands gripped together. "You really think Ben would make up every little thing 'bout me in that file? He knows you ain't gonna fall for that. And it ain't like changin' the facts about me would help him none. You've got a murderer and a con man on your island. Shouldn't feel too bad usin' him as a puppet; god knows I've used enough women that way."

[blondieburke]

"I didn't have any kind of agenda. I didn't want to be there any more than you did. I did what Ben told me to do, James. That's all."

She sounds tired, like she's weary of it all, of feeling like she's ever the distrusted Other, and she looks at him. "Do you think I'm in on some plan? That I read your file and learned Latin because I was one of Ben's willing partners in crime?" Juliet bites on the inside of her cheek a little.

"It's not fair that I know those things about you, and I'm sorry that I do. But I can't change it."

[cibosity]

"No," Sawyer shakes his head suddenly, his hair swept with the movement. "No, Juliet, I don't friggin' think that you're in on some kinda plan, and here it don't even matter; we're on an island and the bug-eyed bastard ain't here, and we're all stuck. Probably ain't gonna get off this rock ofr years. So no, Juliet, I don't think you'd side with Ben friggin' Linus, but that don't mean any of this shit is easier for me to deal with. And I don't know why the hell you call me James."

He's not even sure why he says that last line. It isn't even as though he dislikes it, Juliet's tendency to call him by his proper name, rather than the moniker he took up because of all that he'd done, all that he needed to do. The look on his face is no longer livid, not even carrying a smoldering anger, but instead almost crazed. Overwhelmed, at best.

"None of this is damned fair."

[blondieburke]

His last outburst makes her eyes widen a little, but before she can stop herself she's responding in kind, stepping closer to him.

"I call you James because that's your name. People call you Sawyer and you expect to be treated a certain way. You want me to treat you like everyone else? Fine. I can do that. But you're not just a murderer and a conman, so I thought I'd at least acknowledge that."

Juliet looks up at him, jaw working a little as she tries to hold back words that she doesn't want to say, but they're there, pushing and pressing and she turns away from him, bringing a hand to her forehead and keeping her mouth shut.

[cibosity]

"You're damn right, I expect to be treated a certain way," Sawyer counters in turn, desperation in his voice as he nearly takes a step towards Juliet, but holds himself back at the last moment. With her back turned, somehow, it's easier to get the words out, as though having her looking away means that they won't hit her directly, means that they won't hurt her- not that he can understand why they'd hurt her at all, but there's something in her look, something in her eyes that suggests that's the case.

"I expect to be treated like the friggin' jerk I am," he continues, arms spreading wide, like he's announcing it to the whole world. It's hard to stem the flow now, like a cut that's made its way too deep. "'Cause y'know what? I am a murderer, I am a conman, I'm a friggin' redneck too to top it all off. I don't know what it all combines to, but I know one thing that ain't gonna change, and that's the fact that I ain't been James since I was eight, and I don't think I can ever be him again

[blondieburke]

"What the hell does being Southern have to do with anything?!" she exclaims before she hears the tail end of what he's saying and she stops, turning around to face him again.

"You don't care then? That I'm standing here telling you that I know you can? That I've seen you lead, I've watched you protect all of us? You've done some horrible things, James." She can't bring herself to call him Sawyer. "But don't let what you did then screw up what could be here. Who knows you here? Me? Kate? Hurley? Three people out of an entire island population! So be James! Be the man you think you aren't back on the other island. This is your chance to say 'fuck you' to the people who think you'll always be some redneck conman."

She's staring at him, unwavering blue eyes trained on his green.

[cibosity]

His eyes meet hers for only a second more before Sawyer turns away. Because she's wrong, and she's yelling, and when the two of those intersect, Sawyer sure as hell doesn't feel compelled to sit back and deal. Pasts don't just disappear. That's the thing that's always bothered him about Tabula Rasa, although he knows that there's no perfect way to fix it. Not all people deserve a blank slate, but without a way to prove or disprove anything that's taken place before the island, there's just nothing to be done.

But that doesn't mean that it all disappears.

"Don't swear, Blondie," he grits at her, before turning around to stalk out of the room. "It ain't like you."